What’s the best thing about being dominant, outside of play?
“Self-confidence.” Sir says that ‘s the best thing.
It could even be the quality a dominant most needs to posses. i can’t imagine a dominant without it.
“Confidence in oneself and one’s abilities.”
That’s the definition, and really, i can hardly think of anything worse than someone trying to dominate me who’s not sure of what he or she is doing. i guess lack of it could be the most detrimental thing for a dominant.
That doesn’t mean they have to be skilled at everything. They could be in the middle of learning something and practice on me. That wouldn’t undermine the dynamic.
But they would need to have the self-onfidence to say they were practicing. If they pretended to be an expert, and weren’t, that would be a real problem for me.
And they need confidence in their ability to master the skill. As they practice, i want to feel comfortable and safe.
So they need a certain amount of skill to back up whatever they’re trying. Over confidence in rope suspension, or knife play, could really damage me.
{You see how these questions are going, right? Sir gives a simple, direct answer, and i wander around with it….}
Are there parts of a submissive or slave’s life that you feel a dominant shouldn’t exert influence over?
Sir said, “Yes. Personal career growth.” i was nodding agreement, and He thought a minute before He added, “Family – relationships with grown children who aren’t my children.”
i was nodding on that one too. Those may not be the best answers for everyone, but they are for me.
There was a Dom i knew once, we were just talking on-line, but he used to talk about how he was going to have me wear a butt-plug at work. Or one of those remote control vibrators, and when he’d text me, i’d have to turn it on no matter what i was doing.
i’m sure that would work well for some people. However. In my work, i need to be mentally and emotionally present for the client i’m seeing. If someone is telling me details of their life story, it would not be ok for me to be distracted by a butt plug. It just wouldn’t.
Beyond that, no one else could tell me what career path to follow. They just couldn’t. Finding my way through that is part of my own spiritual journey.
So i’m nodding agreement. Sir thinks for a minute and goes on to say, “We may have some interaction around those things, i may give advice or guidance, but not control. If I suggest something in those area, i expect you to listen, but you may or may not do what I’m suggesting.”
We talk about that a little bit, different circumstances i’ve been in and how his advice or thoughts on it have been helpful to me. He really listens to me, and offers suggestion in an indirect way. He tells stories, or shares His own experience, and that works well for me. i’m eager to learn what He offers, even i decide it doesn’t apply to my situation.
Finally, He says, “If something relates to me directly, or to the house, I’m comfortable telling you what I want. And I’m confident you’ll do it. I like to give you freedom within a task – you don’t need to be micro-managed.”
He adds, “I’m confident you can do it well, and if you can’t, ~ well, you know, you’ll pay with your ass, right?” He laughs, and i do too, but really?
That’s really right, isn’t it? i don’t have to worry so much about whether i’ve done it exactly right or not. If i haven’t, i’ll pay with my ass.
And if i do, if i do the task perfectly? i’ll still pay with my ass. “There’s no logic here,” He says. “Either way, you pay with your ass.”
And that works just fine for both of us.
