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The Major (Part XIII)

12 Aug

i don’t know how long i’d been kneeling there, i was beginning to think this wasn’t what He wanted,  when the door opened.  

The Major ~ and for a minute, as He looked down at me, i thought He was displeased, and i trembled.  Lowered my eyes, felt tears beginning ~

but He took my chin, tilted my head up.  

We looked at each other for a long minute.  i longed to touch Him, stroke His face, caress His body, but i waited.

i felt such devotion, and i hoped that He could see it, because i couldn’t have found words for it.

And it seemed like a long time that He looked at me, and then ~

“My slut,” He said, claiming me, “My slut.”

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The Major (Part XII)

10 Aug

Naked, curled up on the cushion in the big, wicker rocking chair, i am alone.  i feel not-quite-real anyhow, so much has happened in the last day or so.  i’m not sure i even remember all of it.  

Just yesterday morning, i was going about my regular life with no idea of what was in store for me today.

Now He wants me to stay for a week.

i think about the way He beat me yesterday, beating my ass til i begged Him to stop.  The switch He made me cut myself, the switch lying at the end of my bed, still waiting to be used.   The way it cut into my skin when he tested it on me.

i think about the butt plug, and His promise to take my ass.  That makes me shiver, and i’m not sure if it is fear that makes me tremble, or anticipation.

i think about the joy of kneeling at His feet, being allowed to take His cock into my mouth.  My pussy clenches ~~

~~ and i know that i’ll stay.

i want to call out to Him right away, to tell Him that i’ve decided to stay.  i even begin. “Sir?” i say, speaking into the air.  “Sir?”

No response.

i sink back into the chair, feeling a little foolish.  Maybe i should think some more.  Maybe i’m jumping into this.

Then i have to smile at myself.  Good grief, of course i’m jumping into this.  Even though i know The Major a little, both as Master of Darkness, a Dom i met online, and as The Major, a police officer whose path crossed mine, still, i barely know Him.   

And, i remind myself, it’s not just my body He wants.  He wants to discipline my mind as well.  That thought stirs new anxiety.  It agitates me.

i don’t really need Him to do that.  i don’t.  i’m just fine.  

A litany of all the wonderful things in my life passes through my mind.  i might want His spankings and His rough fucking, even His nipple clamps, but i don’t need Him managing the rest of my life.

i can’t sit comfortably anymore, i stand to pace.

Really, i’m smart and funny and hard-working and i don’t need Him or anyone to tell me how to live my real life.   i’m probably just a bedroom submissive, this is probably a bad idea.  

i should leave.  Get my clothes and leave.

“Sir?!” i say.  “Sir!”

No response.

i wonder if my clothes are in the closet.  i go to the door, pull on the handle, but it’s locked.  Turning around, i’m confronted by the mirror.

i don’t want to see myself.

But there i am.

With a sigh, i move closer.  Standing naked, i face myself. 

My eyes look back at me.  Hazel eyes, they are green today.  i try to read the expression in them, as if she were a stranger, the woman in the mirror.  

i don’t know what they’re telling me.

The body ~ my body ~ is heavier, softer than i want it to be.  i suck in my stomach and think about the exercise from that morning.  it seems like my body is a little firmer already.

i think about my days.  Getting up in the morning optimistic, going to bed at night so often disappointed in myself.  The frustration of never being caught up, or even close, it seems.

Could He really help me with that?

Wouldn’t it be foolish not to give it a chance ~ to give Him a chance.

Nodding, watching my reflection nod.  Yes.

i need to tell Him.  i need to tell him, “Yes.”   i start to call out again, but bite my lip.  That’s not the way.

Instinctively, i know that’s not the way to approach Him now.

Instead, i kneel.  In front of the door, so He will see me when He comes back, kneeling, waiting.

At first, i rest my hands on my thighs, palms up, but then i remember how He taught me to offer Him the switch.  i raise my arms, hands in front of me.

i imagine myself, laying across my hands just as the switch had, an offering for Him.

And i wait. 

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The Major (Part XI)

9 Aug

My heart is racing again, my mouth dry.  A week?  He wants me to stay here for a week?

i want to, i want to a lot, and i’m terrified to say yes.  He’s watching me.  On my knees with my arms up, hands locked behind my head, i feel incredibly exposed. 

“Don’t answer yet,” He says.  “I don’t want you to say yes without thinking about it.  Now is the time to ask questions.  Then I’ll leave you to think about it.”

“Ok,” i say, “Yes, Sir,” and i’m trying to think, what do i want to ask Him?

“What will You do with me?”

He looks at me for a long moment.  i feel the heat between my legs.  “What do you think I’m going to do with you, slut?” He asks.

“i – i don’t know…”  i say, dropping my eyes.  “i mean, i guess what you’ve been doing…” and my voice trails off again.  

Raising my eyes, i see His lips curve up; it’s a tiny smile, but His eyes are smiling too.  i have to smile a little myself.

“You may put your arms down,” He says.

i do, relieved, letting them rest, palm up, on my thighs.  His hands pinch my nipples, twisting and pulling hard, and my pussy clenches.

He releases me. 

“Yes, I’ll use you,” He says.  “Use you for my pleasure, as I want.  You were made to be used.”  He pauses, then,  “If I tell you to lie on your back, tell you to spread your legs and pull your knees up to your chest so i can smack your cunt, what would you do?”

i bite my lip, look away.

“No,” He says.  “Look at me.”

i do, i look into His eyes, those deep, intense blue eyes.  “Tell me, ” He says again, “I tell you to lay back and open yourself so i can smack your cunt, hard, tell me what you’re gonna do.”

Looking at Him makes it easier, and harder to answer, i just have to let my mouth follow my heart, and i suddenly am able to choose not to be ashamed.  Boldly, i say, “i’d do it, of course, Sir.  You know i would.”

He raises an eyebrow.  “Do it?  Do what?”

Slowly, deliberately, “Open myself, Sir, for you, spread my legs wide so you could smack my cunt.”

He smiles then, a full smile, “Good girl.  Yes.  I know you would.  Now, will you open your mind and heart for me too?”

A shiver runs through me, my pussy clenches.  i am amazed at the power these words have over me.

 i am afraid, and still the words slip out, “Yes, Sir, i want to.”  i hesitate, then add, “But what will You do with me?”  Grinning, “i know what You’ll do with my body,  What will You do with my mind and my heart?”

“Teach you.”  He says.  “Teach you discipline.  Teach you to use your time and talents more productively.”

“But ~” i’m hesitant “But there are things i do that aren’t “productive” that are important to me.  Like ~ well, like reading my friends’ blogs.  i don’t want to quit doing that.”

He shakes His head, “No, of course not.  This isn’t about taking things away from you.  It’s about increasing your energy, and channeling it.  It’s about being more organized so you don’t spend a lot of time doing the things that you don’t feel good about.”

i think about how often i have to spend time looking for something i need to do something else. Time wasted before i even start the ‘something else.’

“Discipline,” He says, and the word sends another shiver through me.  His tone is light, but the words are deliberate and weighty.  “I’ll discipline your body with  rules and requirements, with rewards and punishment.  And i’ll discipline your mind the same way.”

i am so drawn to this idea it scares me.

He stands.  “I want you to think about it,” He says.  “The computer is there, you may want to write about it, to blog about it.”

He moves to the sliding glass door ~ i can’t see Him from my place on my knees, but He says, “I’m locking this, it has a little lock and I’ll have the key to it.  I’ll lock the other door too when I leave, but we’ll be monitoring you at all times, so you know you’re safe.”

He moves back to me, helps me stand.  Pinches my nipples, of course.  Slides a hand between my legs, penetrating me in both places at once.  “Yes,” He says, “Much more open.  Good.  We’ll stretch you some more tomorrow, and then I’ll fuck your ass.”

My knees almost buckle, literally, His words shake me, leave me weak.  He laughs.

“You need to sit down,” He says.  “Not in my chair,” nodding toward the recliner, “you may sit in the rocking chair.”  He leads me to it.  It is a wicker chair with cushions that rocks, and i curl into it.

Again, He pinches my nipples, which are sore and aching.

“Think hard, slut,” He says.  “I’ll be back.” 

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The Major (Part X)

8 Aug

{If you’re just now joining this fantasy, it actually starts here, as “Here She Is” and goes on for a really long time before becoming “The Major.”  But you can probably enjoy it just as much starting here.}

He leads the way into the house, and turns to face me.  “Kneel,” He says.  “As if you were getting into First Position.  Yes, like that, but put your hands out in front of you ~ that’s right ~ lay the switch across both hands, yes, like that, and offer it to me.”

Following His directions, i offer Him the switch.  He takes it from me and whips it through the air a couple of times, making that switchy whistle sound.  My heart races.

“If it’s something like a switch, or a whip, or impact instrument of some sort you’ve offered,” He continues, “then once I’ve taken it, you need to move into Second Position right away, and offer your ass.”

Even as i’m doing it, bending forward so my head is on the ground and my ass raised high in the air, i wonder why i’m accepting this so readily.  Why it’s so easy to follow His instructions.

Why it makes me so incredibly hot to know that He’s going to use that switch on me.  i know it’s going to hurt.  And my pussy is throbbing and aching, juices running down my inner thighs.  

“That’s it,” He says.  “Good girl.  I always like to test an implement.  We’re not going to carry out your punishment right now, I just want to test the switch.”  He leans over to rub my ass gently, stroking it; it makes me shiver, a wave of pleasure running through me.

He laughs.  “No cumming you know,” He says, standing.  Then i hear the switch ~ hear it whistle ~ omigod ~ and it lands on my ass, a sharp, biting sting that makes me cry out.  It is all i can do not to jump up and run.

But i don’t.  i stay in position, whimpering now as the sting spreads through my body, finally dissipating, and i can breathe again.  

Trembling, afraid He’s going to do it again.

The muscles in my asshole have tightened around the butt plug and i’m more aware of that invasive presence.  Sometimes, it seems like it’s just become part of me, that it’s natural to have this thing inside me.  Other times, i’m acutely aware of wanting it out.

“Up,” He says.  “You’ve chosen well.  The punishment will come later, at the end of the day.  Go to the bathroom and remove the butt plug, wash it up with soap and water.  Diana will show you how to clean it more thoroughly later.

“Then come here, we need to work on your life inventory.”

He seats Himself in the recliner, and i go to the bathroom.  With great relief i remove the butt plug, a little disgusted to hear the noises emanating from my asshole as i pull it out.  i wash it quickly, leave it to dry on the sink.  i am relieved that it’s gone ~ and surprised that i feel so empty.

He allows me to kneel at His feet.  First Position ~ back straight, breasts thrust forward, knees slightly parted.  My hands rest, palms up, on my thighs.

He pinches each nipple, hard.

“Tell me about your job, what you’re doing now, and what you want to do.

So i do.  i talk for a long time.  Some of it is good ~ i’m self-supporting, i have a job that helps other people.  i do it well, for the most part, as well as anyone could, i think.  If i’m overwhelmed a lot, i’m pretty sure anyone would be under the same circumstances.

It’s a little uncomfortable to confess how many times i tell myself i’ll do this or that at home over a weekend to get it out of the way, and end up on Sunday night with none of it done.  But i tell Him.

When we move to “what i want to do,” i begin to squirm inside.  There are so many things i want to do, need to do.  And i make so little progress on any of them.

So when He says, “So you’re telling me you have a book half written, and haven’t looked at in months?  That it’s maybe more than a year since you even tried to work on it?” i hang my head.  

“Yes, Sir.” i say.

“And you’re telling me you were looking into a possibility that might get you out of your current job, and you haven’t followed through on it?  Is that right?  That you haven’t managed to send another email?”

i’m really squirming now, i can’t look at Him.  “Yes, Sir,” i say, noticing how small my voice is.

“Well,” His voice is kind, “I guess you spend a lot of time doing things around the house.  What kind of projects have you got going on there?”

And i have to confess, hardly anything.  A basement that needs cleaning out in the worst way, and weeks go by without me doing anything that would be progress.

i tell Him about hours spent on facebook, hours spent looking for new posts on my favorite blogs.  i want to sink through the ground.

“Slut,” He says, “Look at me.”

Reluctantly, i lift my eyes.  Tears threatening to spill over.

He leans forward.  “This is why you’re here,” He says, his voice light, and kind.  “You lack discipline.  No need to be ashamed.  I’m here to help you.”

The tears fall then, hot tears, and He pulls me to Him, lets me rest my head on His thigh, strokes my hair, tugging it gently at the nape of my neck, while i sob.

When i am finished, He hands me a kleenex.  Makes me blow my nose.

“First position,” He says, and i sit back on my knees, arrange my body as He likes.  “Arms up,” He says, and i raise them, hands locked behind my head.

He holds my breasts, stroking and caressing each one.  Pinching the nipples, hard enough that i whimper.  They are still sore from the clamps earlier in the day.

“Discipline,” He says.  “You do so well with direction.  I can see that.  You just need more structure and support.  Do you want that?”

He releases my breasts, sits back.  i am left, open and exposed.   My pussy throbs, so hot and wet.   Nipples ache, and long to be touched.  My asshole is stretched and sore, and yet i want to be filled again.  

“Structure and support?” i say.

He nods.  “For a week, I want complete control of you.  Want you to stay here and give yourself to me. Completely, without reservation.”

He smiles, “Do you agree?”

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The Major (Part VIII)

4 Aug

They lead me back down the hall to the bedroom.  i’m still distracted by the butt plug filling my asshole, and feeling a little spacy from all the sensations and things that have happened to me.  But i notice more about the room now that i had not paid attention to before.

It’s a big room.  Half of it is a bedroom; the other half is more like a study or home office.  There are shelves full of books, a computer desk, a recliner, and a rocking chair.   The recliner is what He had been sitting in before, when He had allowed me to please Him with my mouth.  There’s a small round table with a chair.

The wall opposite the mirrored wall has drapes from floor to ceiling, and i wonder if there’s a window behind them.  

“It’s almost time for lunch,” says Selena, “but first He wants you to go ahead and do a blog post.”  She gestures for me to sit at the computer desk.  There’s a laptop similar to the one i have at home.  

“It’s a lot later than you usually post, but He says people will be wondering what happened to you if you don’t do it at all.”

“You can write whatever you want for your blog,” adds Diana, “although He’ll read it and approve before it’s posted.  But He wants you to write for Him what it feels like to have the butt plug in.”

i’m relieved, and a little stunned.   Somewhere in the back of my head, i’ve been worried about not posting anything on my blog today, so i’m glad He’s going to let me.  But approving it before it’s posted ~ that’s a new experience for me.  i’m not sure how i feel about it.

“You’ll have about an hour,” says Diana.  

They leave me seated in front of the computer, a bottle of water close at hand.  i log into my blog, and am delighted at the sense of familiarity.  This feels like home.

i write for Him first though.
i write about the sensation of being plugged.  How it feels to raise my ass and allow Him to push the plug in, even though my body wants it out.

How small and submissive it makes me feel to wear it.

How sexy i feel, in the heels, walking for Him, the plug accentuating the movement of my ass with each step.

It pours out quickly, the words flowing.  

i write about what it feels like now, sitting naked at the desk, writing about it, while the plug stretches my ass.  How uncomfortable, and comforting, it is.  

How wet it makes me.

But it takes me about 45 minutes to write it, and by the time i reread it and edit, my time is almost up.   i hope He’ll let me use it for a blog post today.
i’m starting a blog post for tomorrow when the door opens ~ it is The Major.  He’s wheeling a cart, and the aroma from the tray on the cart is tantalizing.
He places the cart next to the small table, and comes to look over my shoulder.  “Finished?”

“Yes, Sir, if it’s ok if i use the piece about the butt plug for my blog.  i didn’t get two pieces done.”

“Let me see,” He says, gesturing for me to get up. He seats himself at the desk, and says, “First Position.”

i kneel quickly this time.  i am still wearing the necklace with the three tokens and that is a reminder to respond immediately.

i’m very anxious as He reads, and He takes His time with it.  

When He’s finished, He nods.  “Good job,” He says, and the flood of relief His words bring is almost overwhelming.  Tears well up behind my eyes.

“Lunch is ready,” He says, “Go ahead and get this posted and then you may come eat.”

i sit back down at the computer, and He seats Himself at the table.   My back is almost to Him, but i glance over and see He’s arranging  food from the cart on the table.
i work quickly to post the day’s writing, and when i’m done, i say, “Sir?  i’ve finished.”

“Good.  Come here.”

i do, and i see that there’s a pad on the floor beside Him, like a yoga mat.  “O, that’s for me,” i think.   i’m surprised at how easy it is to accept that my place is on the floor and not seated at the table with Him.
‘”Go wash your hands,” He says, and i do, quickly returning.
“Sit,” He says, and that makes me grin, i don’t know why.  But i do sit, and settle myself as comfortably as i can.
He feeds me by hand.

Vegetables, some kind of roasted vegetables, potatoes and squash and zucchini and asparagus and tomatoes, almost like a ragout.   It’s messy, and He feeds me with a spoon.
It is delicious.  

More so because it comes directly from Him.

Watermelon, cantaloupe and honeydew for dessert.

i eat my fill.  Then ~~

“Ok, slut of mine,” He says.   “It’s time for the next step in your inventory.”
My heart about stops.  i had hoped He’d forgotten about it, but of course that was silly.

“But first,” He says, and i breathe a tiny sigh of relief, “First I want you to get a switch for your punishment later.  I’ve found it’s really effective when you’re allowed to choose your own switch.”

Well, my heart really about stops then.  How could He know that’s been part of my secret fantasies, just about forever?

“Go ahead and clear the table first, please,” He says, and i move to do that.  “Just put the dishes on the cart.”

He goes to the wall and pulls a cord – the drapes open, and i see that there are glass doors leading to a meadow.  

Quickly, i clear the table.

i am trying to stay away from the doors, naked as i am.  But ~

“Come here,” He says.  “I’ll go outside with you, and bring the hedge trimmers.  You’ll want to pick one that’s thick enough to stand up to some hard usage.”  And He smiles.

“But ~~” i gesture to myself, reluctant still to get near the glass.

O, don’t worry, no one will see you,” He says.  “We’re far enough out in the country that it’s perfectly safe.  We often have people wondering around naked on the grounds.  Anyone who comes here knows that.”

i obey, slowly, half trying to cover myself.

He laughs.  “Arms up, hands behind your head, please.”

Even more reluctantly, i obey.   “O, wait, here ~” he says, “Put your sandals on.  Can’t go out there barefoot.”

I slip my sandals on, and then, “Arms back up,” He says.  He slides the door open, and i feel warm air on my skin.  The sun is shining.

“Come on,” He says, “Out with you.  I’ll get the trimmers.” 

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The Major (Part VII)

3 Aug

He spreads my cheeks with one hand, with the other he presses something against my puckered asshole.  Instinctively, i tighten my muscles, trying to prevent entry.

Without lessening the pressure on my anus, He moves the other hand to stroke between my legs, making me moan with pleasure.  i am dripping wet.

“That’s my good slut,” He says, and is voice is warm and rich.  i wiggle back into His hand, which pushes the thing directly  into my other hole, the one i had wanted to protect.

i would pull away, but He slides two fingers into my hot, aching pussy.  The pleasure distracts me, and with His fingers there, He has effectively pinned me so i am fully at His mercy.

“It’s just a butt plug,” He says.  “Have you not done this before?”

His voice seems very far away.   Lost in sensation, i struggle to answer.  “No, Sir,” i stammer.

“It can be easy, or very hard.” He says.  “A little uncomfortable, or it can hurt like hell.   Really, that’s up to you and how much you’re able to open yourself, how willing you are to let me in.”

At His words, i relax, i do want Him in, i want Him anywhere He wants to be.  The butt plug slides in easily, and for a minute, i struggle not to tense up again, not to push it back out, but then the muscles at the top of the entrance sort of close around it, it settles into place.    

It’s an odd feelings, not completely pleasant or unpleasant.  

He makes me get up then, i move carefully so i don’t expel it.  

“Walk for me,” He says, and i do, back and forth in front of the mirror several times.  i begin to settle into this feeling of being stuffed, strange though it is.  i move slowly and my ass seems to protrude more than usual.

“Let’s try the shoes,” says The Major.

Diana brings them out, black cfm shoes, a little bit higher than i’ve ever worn.  She and Selena make me sit and strap them on my feet.   They help me stand.  

i balance on the heels,  a little shaky.   

“Walk in them,” says The Major, grinning.  “Looks like you need some practice.  Put more weight on the front of your foot, on the ball of your foot.”

Following His directions, Diana and Selena encouraging me too, i manage to walk, not too awkwardly, back and forth in front of the mirror.  The heels really thrust my torso forward, my ass protrudes in the other direction. They help me adjust my posture until The Major is pleased, and i am able to walk to their satisfaction.

Of course, while they’re doing this, the bells chime twice, and each time we pause so they can put the nipple clamps on, removing them 5 minutes later.

 My nipples are sore and painful.   My ass is uncomfortable.  And i’m more aroused than i’ve ever been.  Ever.

When they take the shoes off, The Major motions for me to come to Him.  i stand in front of Him.  

“Closer,” He says, standing Himself.  i move closer and He puts an arm around me, pulling me too him.  The fabric of His clothing rubs against my nipples, making them hard yet again.

He holds me so he can slide His hand between my legs, His fingers filling my pussy.  Between His fingers there, and the butt plug ~ i’ve never felt like this before.  i whimper and moan as He moves His fingers, finding the spot ~ quickly taking me up, up ~~

~~ and just in time, i remember to ask, “mayicumpleasesir?” and He laughs, “yes, go ahead slut,” and i do ~

              i do with a shudder that runs through me like an earthquake  ~~

my pussy throbbing and clenching around His fingers, the other entrance, my asshole, clenching too, hugging the butt plug, and this intensifies it all so that i can hardly stand

and i’m clinging to Him, gasping and shaking, His arm around me holding me up.  He fists His other hand in my hair, tilts my head back to look at Him.

“Good girl.  That’s my good slut.” He says.  “I’m going to use every inch of you, you know.  I”m going to fuck your ass, and your cunt.  I’m going to fuck your mouth.  I’m going to use you every way a slut can be used.  Is that clear?”

i can barely think, much less speak, but i manage to say, “Yes, yes, Sir, it is.”

He kisses me then, a deep probing kiss that takes me completely, moves me even deeper into mindless submission.  “I’m going to keep stretching you,” He says.  “Fuck your body, and your mind.  I”m going to fill your ass, fuck your cunt, and take your mouth.  But more than that, I’m going to get deep inside your head.”

Holding me pressed up against Him, my face to His chest, he smacks my ass.  Hard.  My muscles tighten around the butt plug, intensifying the sensation.  He smacks me again, twice, three times,  moving from one cheek to the other.  

He releases me then, and i’m unsteady on my feet, Diana takes my arm to help me balance.  

He sits down, unzipping His jeans.   Quickly, i kneel in front of Him, watching His cock, already hard, released from his pants.  

i smile.

Lick the head of it, inhaling the musky, male scent.

But He is not looking for subtlety of caress today; quickly He begins to fuck my mouth.  i focus on letting Him use me this way, on relaxing so He can drive His shaft deep into my mouth, striking the back of my throat til i gag.  

Withdrawing for a moment, then beginning the assault again, over and over, til ~~

i feel the rhythm change just a little, and i know that He is almost there ~ and i am ready ~ He cries out, as He explodes into my mouth ~~

His hot seed spills into me, i swallow quickly, gulping it down, taking it all, and He thrusts a little more, and stops.

i hold His cock in my mouth, loving the feel of Him softening now, satisfied.

He strokes my hair.  “Good girl.”

We stay like that for what seems like a long time, and yet it’s over too soon.  For that time, i am not thinking.  i am aware of sensation, my ass and the unfamiliar sensation of fullness.  My mouth savoring His taste.  My mind at rest.

Then, “Ok,” He says.  “Diana, Selena?”  

“Yes?”  They are both nearby ~ i had forgotten they were there.  

“Take the slut away,” He says.  “You know what to do.”    

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RL Bob

12 Jul

i pause the fantasy for a touch of real life.

My rescheduled play date with Bob is Saturday.  As he suggested, i’ve continued looking at the picture of his toys and thinking about how each one will feel.

Yesterday, i got a message from him suggesting some things to do at work today.   There were a couple of reasons that i didn’t want to – not today, and not exactly the way he’d suggested.  So ~ after a lot of over thinking ~ i messaged him back and explained my reservations.   He suggested an alternate arrangement that sounds ok to me for Thursday.

So i’m thinking, fine, that’s all good, and i’m still looking at his pictures, when i get a message from him today.  He says:

“Hello aisha.  Tonight I would like you to masturbate, using just your fingers/hands.  Take your time, think about all my toys delivering pleasure to you this coming weekend.I think you are capable of multiple orgasms (most women are, while we men get stuck with a single shot, lol).  So cum twice for me.  Describe it all in detail to me in your blog.”

Which leads me into this internal argument, something like this:

Me:  O, good grief.  i’ve got enough to do without a new assignment every time i turn around.  He’s not my Dom.  i don’t have to do what he says.

also me:  Of course you don’t have to.  He knows he’s not your Dom.  But really, aisha.  What’s he asking you to do?  Have a couple of orgasms.  Gosh, sure, no way you should agree to that.  

Me:  Well, but ~ but ~ he doesn’t have the right to tell me what to do all the time.  If i start doing what he says to do, where will i end up?

also me:  O, horrors, yes, no telling.  {laughing}  Good grief.  He wants you to do the no panty thing Thursday and have a couple of orgasms tonight.   That just doesn’t sound too threatening to me.  And if you’ll notice, he just said he’d like you to, he’s not commanding or demanding at all.

Me:  Well ~well ~ he’s telling me to blog about it, isn’t he?

also me:  Mmhmm.  He is.  And isn’t that terrible??? Cause you never like to blog about your experiences.  {Laughing.}  

Me:  Stop it.  {laughs}  Ok, well, still.  

also me:  Still what?  This way you have free rein and don’t have to worry about whether or not it’s ok with him to blog about it.

Me:  True.  Ok, that’s true.  But ~ ok, i guess you’re right.  {thinking}  Ok, really, he’s not being unreasonable.   And if i do what he wants me to do, i’ll be really revved up by Saturday, won’t i?

also me:  You will.  And that’s not a bad thing.

Me:  No.  No, it’s not.  But ~ you know, i don’t want him to think i’m his submissive.  I mean, there’s still people i’m talking to on collarme.

also me:  Aisha, i don’t remember him even asking you to be his sub.  He asked you to take your panties off on Thursday and bring yourself to orgasm twice tonight.  Not exactly a big commitment, is it?

Me:  {Laughing} Omigosh, you’re totally right.  Ok.  Yes, you’re right, i can do that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Fun Things

22 Jun

i love it when i find things on facebook that fit here.  i thought you all might enjoy this – I laughed out loud.

And thought you might enjoy this picture i took, which i thought was kind of sexy:

Beyond that – well, you know – webcam, conversations, all of that is still going on with GW.

So let’s talk about punishment –

What do you think the role of punishment is in a D/s dynamic?

i think it’s symbolic.  i argued that at the discussion last Sunday, maybe too vehemently.  But the idea that punishment is what makes us not do something again seems ridiculous to me.

It doesn’t work that way with children – they don’t change behavior because they’ve been punished, why would it work that way with subs or slaves?   Or – if they do, it’s because they’re scared.  Which means they’re not invested in the behavior change, they just want to avoid punishment.

That’s not to say that punishment doesn’t serve a purpose.  i believe it sends a message, and i believe it should be a clear message.

Subs all know that if you have a good relationship, it is a punishment to know that you’ve disappointed your Dom, that you’ve let Him/Her down.   What happens after that is symbolic.

The punishment says, “You’ve let me down – don’t do it again!”  It may serve as a powerful reminder not to do it again because it affects emotional mind.

If you know rationally that you made a mistake and shouldn’t do it again, that’s one thing.  If you feel it – if emotional mind is engaged – if there’s the visceral feeling of having failed, of having not lived up to expectations – the lesson stands out.

The point of punishment is to engage emotional mind in the experience.  So instead of just knowing in your head that you don’t want to make a particular mistake again, you feel it through all of your being.  That is the most powerful form of learning.

So yes, if somebody beats you half to death, you’ll feel it.  {Although at some point, you’ll probably dissociate, which defeats the purpose too}   But it may be just as effective for them to say, “You’ve let me down.  Write an essay about what you did wrong.”  Or “Go to the corner and think about it.”  Or – possibly worst, “I’m not going talk to you for x amount of time.”

Extreme physical punishment – or any extreme – may be more likely to lead to emotional distancing, which can be counter productive.  It’s not the severity of the punishment that matters – it’s the symbolic severity  What’s important is that the sub gets the message on a deep emotional level.

Which leads me down some different metal paths – punishment also allows a sub to get closure on what was done wrong, to feel forgiven.  There is value in that, and that may be a topic worth exploring.

And – we teach children to obey is so that they will survive childhood and eventually be able to function independently.  With subs/slaves, that’s not really the goal.  So what is the point?  What is TTWD about on that level?

And – thinking symbolically – lots of the  “do this” things that Doms want are literally fairly pointless – they don’t serve a real purpose.  But symbolically, they’re very powerful.

So, just for example, if GW wanted me to use that red lipstick in the picture on my nipples – well, i guess that might serve an aesthetic purpose.  But there’s no real value to the activity.  No worthwhile function.

On the other hand, it might feel very submissive to obey a directive like that.  

And sexy.  

Know what i mean?


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Pleasing

28 May

i am watching Him.  He holds out his hand with the cuff in it, gestures for me to give him my arm.  The cuffs are fur-lined and comfortable.

When both my wrists are encased, He sits on the side of the bed, taps his knee.  i  put my foot on his knee.  It’s a little challenging with the heels on, but He steadies me.   i keep my eyes on Him.  i do not have permission to look at the array of toys on the bed.

He adjusts the ankle cuffs so they are snug, but not too tight.  i am held by the bonds, moving deeper into submission.

He slips the blindfold over my eyes.   A shiver runs through me.  

i want to slide to my knees and worship His cock, i want to wrap my arms around His legs, and bury my face in His lap.  i want to pleasure Him with my mouth so badly i can already taste Him.  

His hand in my hair, fisted at the nape of my neck.  i whimper, overwhelmed with desire.  

He hasn’t told me to move, so i don’t. 

His hand closes on my breast, feeling the heft of it before pinching the nipple between his thumb and forefinger.   The pressure increases ~ i gasp.  He switches to the other breast.

i want.  i want to put my arms around Him, i want to caress Him.  i want to unbutton His shirt  and feel our bodies pressed together tightly.  i want Him to fuck me, to fill me with His cock.  

i whimper.

He has not told me to move, so i stand motionless, filled with desire and longing.

“Whose slut are you?” He asks, His mouth close to my ear, His voice is low but demanding.

“Yours, Sir,” i say, adding, because i know He wants to hear it, “Your slut, i am your slut, Sir.”

“What do you want?” He asks.

i smile a little, i know this litany well.  “To please you, Sir, i want to please you.”

“How do you please me?” He asks.

“With my mouth, Sir,” i say, and i lick my lips, just a little, just the tiniest bit.  “With my pussy, Sir,” and my pussy clenches as i say the words, i feel my wetness.  “With my obedience, Sir,” i say.

He nuzzles my neck.  “Good girl,” He says.

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Getting Better All the Time…

27 May

“Come here,” He says.

He is standing by the bed, cuffs in hand.  i walk toward Him slowly, not sure what He has in mind.  i would walk slowly anyhow in these heels, my hips sway with each step.

i am already naked.  He had taken my clothes at the door;  stripped me and inspected me then.  

This is our routine now.  i come home from work and check my clothes at the door.  Am inspected thoroughly.  

i never know what will happen next.

Tonight, He exchanges my sandals for the CFM shoes, the ones that are hard to walk in.  He has me practice, moving across the room and back towards Him.  

He has me stretch, raising my arms high above my head, then bending at the waist to touch my toes.  I lengthen the bend a little each time til i am able to place my palms on the ground.  My back loosens, and i feel the tension of the day draining away.

After a little bit, i don’t know how long, he places my hands behind my back, tells me not to move.  i wait for those words i love, “Come here.”

And now i see the cuffs in His hand.  Some toys on the bed.  A scarf.  A flogger, the small one, the one He uses on my pussy.  A wooden spoon.  There is more, but ~~

“Look at me,” He says.

Quickly, obediently, i do.  That’s the kind of thing that can bring unpleasant consequences if i ignore it.  So i turn my full attention to Him, trying not to wonder what else might be on the bed, what else might lie in store for me.

He holds up the cuff, and in that moment, i can already feel it on me.  Feel it on my wrist, first one wrist, then the other.  Just looking at them, not even touching them, not even feeling them secure around my wrists and ankles, and i am sliding down into that space.

Down into that space where what i want fades away.

Where obeying Him, pleasing Him, becomes my purpose and my joy.

i smile.

 ***************************************

Nine hours sleep last night!!  Woohoo!

Five days off work, starting today.

Fourteen more days til my vacation.  Only seven working days.

Thirty-three days til Sfp comes to visit.  {Happy Dance in my head}

AND ~~

In the fall ~~

~~~~~~~~~ another blogger is coming to visit.    No kidding.

Guess who.

Go ahead ~ guess.

‘Nilla.

Yep.  Really.  Is that too amazingly cool, or what?

Ok, so the words of the song don’t really fit, except for the chorus.  But that’s good enough…

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