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Submissive Controversy

30 Jan

Lots of conversation here in Blogland about what it means and doesn’t mean to be submissive – all interesting discussions.  The original piece that generated the responses was apparently written in response to another blog post, and therefore not even in context, so i’m not making any comment on that.

And really, i have probably already talked the idea to death in different blog posts.  Thoughts drift through my mind.

i think of my old lover, Mike Mudd, saying, “You know how to get a woman to mind you?  You just tell her to do things she already wants to do!” and laughing as he said it.  

“Come here to me, i’m going to make you have 5 orgasms.”  With that for a starting point, you don’t have to be submissive to say, “Yes, Sir!” with enthusiasm.

But there is such conflict generated by the idea that if you struggle to submit and obey, it means you’re not “truly” submissive.   Since submission has as many flavors as ice cream, that’s probably not a sustainable argument.

A while back, i wrote about something i’d read  that talked about sub-categories of submissives ~ ones who obeyed quickly and readily and others who needed to be overcome before they could submit.   {i’m describing that really roughly, sorry.}

This morning i tried googling to find it again, but couldn’t.  i found different ways to categorize types of submissive, but they tended to classify us based on extent of participation in the lifestyle.  Other authors had as many as 9 categories of submissives, and i didn’t read those.  Too complex for me today.

But it occurred to me that the conversation has had the required elements for the drama triangle, and i am impressed with our community that it has not generated fiercer, more unkind drama.  Whenever someone lays down strong opinions as if they were self-evident truths, it will sting someone.

When we feel stung, it hurts, and it may put us in “victim mode.” The first person, the one who’s hurt us, is cast as the perpetrator, the bad guy.   In a community, this split invites others to take sides as rescuers.   

That creates the drama triangle, and in many situations, people end up putting all their energy into defending one point of view over another.   Often, we practically lose sight of the original argument as we begin to disagree on who’s right and who’s wrong.  As people hurt each other’s feelings, the drama intensifies, and gets more painful, and pulls others into it and… 

it can be a real mess.

What i love about the blogging community is that we seldom let it descend into the depths of that trap.   Calmer voices speak up, not in blame of anyone, but expressing their own perspective.  Not trying to impose it on others, but clearly stating where they stand.

That is what saves us from the drama triangle – the ability to say where we are NOT in reference to anyone else, but in our own voice.   What someone else says can be a starting place, it can generate lots of ideas.  And we may initially react to that, from the heart, with passion.

It’s helpful to be able to do that ~ initially.  But once the dust settles a bit, it is just as important to be able to step back and think about it, not in reaction to others, but from our own space.  Important to be able to find our own wisdom.

i’m leery of extremes ~ always and never, everyone and no one ~ those are almost always inaccurate.   Not just the words, but the concepts.  Real life is generally more nuanced than that.   

My submission is not just like anyone else’s, and it is a whole lot like everyone else’s.   We have so much in common, it is the differences that we can treasure and celebrate.

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How does it work?

16 Jan

Looking for topics this morning, i went to my “Drafts” and found this ~ my first piece of a post, from 2010.  i said:

Discerning Dom  wrote a fascinating post about power and control.  He explores the paradox – does the dominant actually have the power?  The submissive may give up power, but if they consent to give it up, don’t they still retain it? 

And of course they do. we still have some power, at the least, there is always a way out – even without a safe word, if you really want out you can get out.  {If you can’t, it may not be kink, it may be an abusive relationship.}

Brooke does a wonderful post on anal sex that totally captures the desire to give oneself to please someone else – Him.  She’s not a masochist, it’s not about wanting to hurt, but she’s more than willing to experience pain if it pleases Him.    In fact, she wants him to hurt her, so that she knows that she’s owned, so that he can see that she’s willing to suffer for him. 

And there’s the paradox.  If she wants him to hurt her, then is He in control, is He doing what He wants, or does the submissive have the power?

That’s where i stopped then.  At the time, it was a more pressing question for me than it is now, and it’s sandwiched in with drafts entitled “Am i a Masochist?” and “What about Pain?”

When i was in my first marriage, with M who was not a Dom, i used to have this fantasy of “giving myself” to him completely, belonging to him completely.  Not an unusual fantasy for a young submissive woman.  But in my fantasy, he could hurt me, but didn’t want to.

In real life, with him, any time i approached sharing that fantasy, he quickly wanted to hurt me in ways that were too extreme for where i was at that time.  If we’d been in the lifestyle, and he’d been a Dom, he would have recognized that it was a firm soft limit for me, and could have overcome it.

Instead, his insistence and demands would freak me out and hurt my feelings and i’d withdraw.

Back then, with no knowledge of real life kink, i would think ~ and sometimes say ~ “i want you to be able to hurt me, and to choose not to.”   Honestly though, i meant, hurt me in ways that turn me on, and choose not to harm me.  i wanted the sensual aspects, but in a safe context.

It was unrealistic, and probably completely confusing for him.  This was a man who refused to spank me because it “didn’t seem right” to him, but who raped me any time i dared say i didn’t want sex.   And this post isn’t about blaming him for not being a Dominant.  But it’s such a sharp contrast to my relationship with my Sir.

Sir will never harm me, so i can give Him the power to do whatever He wants.  Yes, even evil nipple stretchers and pussy paddles.  i know that i’m safe with Him.

But ultimately, i still have the power to retract that.  What if {God forbid} He got a brain tumor and could no longer distinguish between what was safe and what wasn’t?  i don’t think i’d be serving Him well by letting Him harm me, and i think i’d have some responsibility to protect Him from that too.

i don’t think that’s going to happen though, or anything like that.  i think Sir and i will keep growing into our dynamic, defining it as we go along.  

But what do youall think?  Who has the power?  Is it something you think about?  What about pain, what role does it play?  Please discuss.

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That Pesky Capitalization Thing

11 Dec

Dumb Domme, who i think is wonderful, did a delightfully funny post/ rant against the D/s capitalization thing that so many of us s-types use and i guess some Doms too.  You can read it here.

And of course she’s right, it is silly and contrived and against all rules of punctuation.

i remember the first time i did it.  Wrote “i” instead of “I.”

i don’t think i’d ever done it before.  Well, as a typo, sure, but otherwise?  Omigosh, no.

My mother was a grammar/punctuation stickler.  Really.   In my family, growing up, questions like: “When is it correct to say ‘I will’ and when should it be ‘I shall'” might be bandied about at the dinner table.

i not only CAN diagram sentences, i love diagramming sentences.  What could be more fun than trying to decide if a word is actually modifying the subject or the predicate?  If it’s a direct object or an indirect object?  And then placing it in exactly the right configuration?  O, yes.

See what i’m saying?

i had to teach myself ~ don’t laugh ~ i had to teach myself to use bad grammar.  And it took me til i was in high school to realize that i needed to do it, that if i kept talking like a pedantic bookworm, i was never, ever going to fit in.

i know, i suppose some of youall rose above that, kept your good grammar, and fit in anyhow, or adapted to not fitting in.  i’m glad for you.  i did too, eventually.  In high school, i longed to belong.

Of course, i discovered that even the occasional “Aren’t i?’ instead of  “Am i not?” was not going to make me fit in with the high school crowd, and really, really, i’m ok with that.   i do think that relaxing my language standards has been helpful at times.  i no longer remember the distinction between “will” and “shall” and i’m ok with that.

But i mourn the loss of  some grammatical distinctions {i won’t go into them here} so i can sympathize with Dumb Domme’s outrage over the D/s capitalization thing.  And i agree that using it ~ capitalizing the pronouns for someone who is not my Dom ~ is not necessary, and may be a little extreme, and even possibly offensive.

In fact, i might say that if one does it repeatedly after being asked not to, then it becomes a rape culture thing, where one’s “no” is not being respected and that’s totally not ok.  That’s a different thing and a different blog post, in my mind.

And ~ i have to confess ~ i don’t use W/we or O/our.  That just seems too cumbersome and hard to read.  And i’ve never been involved with someone who was big on that kind of protocol.  

But.

i remember the first time i did it.  Wrote “i” instead of “I.”

It was such a symbol.

i was seeing The Man I First Called Sir {otherwise known in these pages as First Sir, or even FS.}  Calling him Sir, was HUGE!!  Omigosh, it was such an amazing act of submission.

Of course now, it rolls off my tongue as naturally as my Sir’s name ~ maybe even more so.  But back then?  Yikes.

So when he informed me of the capitalization thing?  O, my.  Yes, it was another heart-thumping, can-i-make-this-sacrifice moment.

It’s a symbol.

For me, it was a powerful symbol.  You cannot imagine how many times i had to backspace and retype that “I.”  Redo the “h” in “He.”

Every time i did it, it was a reminder.  As potent as taking my panties off in some strange bathroom when instructed to,  writing “i” screamed, “This is real.  You are really doing this, really agreeing to be submissive to someone else, SO MUCH SO that you’re messing with punctuation.”

Yeah.  It was that big a deal.

Ok, it’s not anymore.  i rarely have to think about it.  When i write as aisha,” i” comes naturally.  When i write as my-vanilla-persona, “I” flows easily.  It is a head shift that mostly just happens.

Referring to my Sir with a capital “H” is also a reminder of who He is to me.  It really is.  Just as calling him “Sir” is.

i admit, when i write to Him, i don’t usually do “You.”  i don’t think my Sir is particularly invested in this symbol ~ possibly not any more than Dumb Domme is, although He’s never said so.

And i can see why it seems silly and affected and all kinds of foolishness, and it probably is.  But it’s symbolic, and part of the value of TTWD, for me, is that it is a life rich in symbolism.

When i sit at my Sir’s feet, that’s symbolic.  When i fix his coffee, it’s symbolic.  He’s quite capable of fixing His own coffee.  i don’t do it because He needs me to, or because it’s my responsibility, or because it’s women’s work.  i do it because it expresses my desire to serve Him.  It is an act of love ~ and a reminder of our respective places.

When i choose not to capitalize “i,” i may do it easily, but it is still a reminder of my desire to serve Him, to think of Him ~ to hold Him ~ in a different way from others.  And it communicates that.

D/S would just not be the same as D/s.  M/S?  Nah.  The distinction communicates.  And it is because it breaks the punctuation rule that “He” and “i” serves a purpose.  For me, anyhow.

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In the Morning

10 Apr

Blogging in the morning makes me hold still long enough to figure out what i feel.

Sometimes i struggle with it, the holding still.  i bounce around Facebook ~  google some quotes, looking for one to post ~ read some other blogs ~ check my bank account balance…  That just delays the moment.

This moment.

When i have to be still and listen to myself.  Feel my own awareness of myself.  Like a circle, like a dance, turning inward, in tune with me.

My submission is here, my heart, my center.

It spreads through me til my palms tingle.  Relaxed.  Alert.  Waiting.

i wish He were here.  i want to sit at His feet, maybe curl against His legs.  There is something about being at His feet that draws me.

i think He doesn’t understand how deep my submission runs.  i think He thinks it is all kink and fun-and-games.  Or i don’t think that ~ not for real ~ but for right now, i do.

i think He doesn’t understand.  The images in my head, the strength of the desire to be wrapped in Him.  i don’t think anyone can understand.

The intensity of expression ~ spankings, cock worship, obedience and rituals ~ those are ways to begin to manifest the feelings.  Move them from abstract to concrete.

********************************

Yeah, i wanted to write more about that, only it’s not what’s really on my mind.  i screwed up yesterday ~ well, Sunday night really.

It wasn’t ~ i don’t think it was a huge, big deal, but it bothered Him.  i apologized .  He commented on the situation.  i apologized again.  He explained why it bothered Him.  i apologized again.

Do you see what’s missing here?

i’m looking for that “it’s ok,” moment of apology acceptance.

i don’t think He’s going to offer it.

i don’t think i want to ask for it.

Right now, i’m just waiting to see what happens.  i don’t think He’s mad at me.  i don’t think He hasn’t forgiven me.  But i’m curious to see if He’ll do an “it’s ok,” or not.

So that’s on my mind.

After all, better to think about that than thinking about doing my taxes.  {Laughing…}

BTW, when i google “at his feet,” and then go to images, i get mostly religious images.  There was this one:

but it’s billed as a “pre-middle aged gigolo in a tuxedo…” which is not what i’m looking for, and it doesn’t have the feel i want.

This one was interesting:

but still doesn’t have quite the right feeling.

These do though:

And isn’t that interesting?

 

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I Did…and Y’all Were Right

15 Mar

i talked to Sir last night.  

He came over for dinner after work, another lovely salad ~ at least He liked it ~ and some chocolate covered strawberries.  i remembered to put the plastic wrap over the plate this time, so they didn’t stick.

We talked about all kinds of stuff, and it wasn’t until later~~

~~ when we were on the couch, and my clothes were off, and my legs spread open ~~

       ~~~  after He had applied nipple clamps to nipples already tender and swollen from His caress ~~~

                  ~~~~ and after a hand on my throat had moved me from sexual pleasure to submissive sexual pleasure ~~~~

after all that, at some point, stuttering, fumbling for words, i am able to let Him know i need more of that.  Please, Sir.

And He assures me that “more” will be coming.

Work is taking up His energy, just like youall suggested, and like i kind of already knew.  So when i say ~ stammer ~ “i thought ~ um ~ maybe you didn’t ~ um ~ maybe you didn’t ~ OMG, that feels good ~ O!!  What?  What was i say ~  mmmm ~ , saying?  Ummmmm, o, yeah… “

And He’s looking straight into my eyes, which doesn’t make it any easier, even if it is dim lighting, but i manage eventually to say that i thought maybe He was done, maybe He didn’t want to go any deeper into D/s…

He looks away then, gets this far away look in His eyes, and it makes me a little nervous til He says, “Oh, no.  No.  That’s not it.  I’ve been thinking.  Planning.  Spring is coming, just wait til this work stuff is out of the way a little bit.  In fact, there’s this video I found on line, about positions, when we get back to your training.  I’ll be showing you…”

My heart beats faster, my pussy clenches, and i know all will be well.

*************************************

Heather ~ thank you for the questions!!   i think i can answer them briefly, so that’s good news!  🙂

1.  Favorite color ~ purple, no doubt.  Or pretty much any shade of it from lavender to deep purple.  It’s popular now, so that’s nice, but i’ve always worn a lot of it, and just like it around me.

2.  Favorite flower ~ Mmmmmm, i had to think a while.  i like hyacinths a lot, but i probably have to go with roses, even though that’s kind of cliche.  i really do love roses.

3.  Favorite cookie ~ Shortbread.  Started to say chocolate chip, cause i can eat some chocolate chip cookies ~ although i prefer them crispy not soft.  Omg, Pepperidge Farm Double Chocolate Chocolate Chip cookies…  mmmmmm.   But my all time favorite is shortbread. 

Thanks for asking!!

Jade ~ i’m saving yours, i’ll work my way through them.  They require a little more introspection, which will also be fun!

i like Mick’s suggestion of a guest poster for when i need a break too.  Any volunteers out there in cyberspace?

So, it’s not like i’m going to quit posting every day right now.  The same thing that keeps me cleaning the stove til i’m using a toothpick is at work here.  i will have to drag myself away kicking and screaming just to skip a day.

i’m also the type of person that when it’s time to leave somewhere, i announce that it’s getting to be that time long before i walk out the door.  Just saying.

i really appreciate the support i got yesterday in all of your comments.  i didn’t start out looking for support, at least i don’t think i did, but it felt good anyhow.

And ~~

i’m so excited to know that Sir is planning to continue my training.  i can’t wait ~ well, i can, but you know what i mean… 

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Not Enough

12 Mar

Apparently, i’m never actually satisfied.

There’s not enough D/s in my relationship with Sir X.  

i know, we’ve been building our vanilla side, and it’s growing beautifully, He even likes my friends, and i’m happy, happy, hap ~ well, just yesterday, i was all those “happy’s”  Today ~ i’m still happy, but ~

it’s not enough.

This is what happened to Eve in the garden, isn’t it?  {Well, mythically speaking…}  She had it all, and still didn’t have enough.  Had to try the apple.

Sigh.

i know, i know.  It’s a process.  We’re still building our relationship.  But it raises all those unpleasant submissive anxieties.  You know them as well as i do.  The ones that go ~

~ He’s not really dominant.  He’s just doing the things He does to please me.  i want Him to want to do it.  If He’s just doing it to please me, it won’t work.

i know, that’s probably not true.  But it might be!  What if it was?  What if it turned out He really doesn’t want to spank me or control me or be my Sir?  What if He really wants us to be all equal all the time?  Is just humoring me?

What if ~ did you see the article Greengirl linked to?   Omg, that was frightening… i know Sir wouldn’t do that to be mean, but what if, what if??

What if i work myself into a little frenzy of catastrophizing first thing in the morning?   Predict doom and gloom with no good reason?

Yeah, i’m pretty sure that’s not going to help anything…

And you know, really i know, this is part of the process.  i need to talk to Him.

i don’t want to talk to Him.

But i need to talk to Him.  Need to tell Him what’s on my mind.

i don’t want to tell Him, He’s got enough on His plate right now, He’s working so much, i don’t want to put more demands on Him…

He’s given me every reason to trust Him.  i just need to tell Him in a reasonable way.  He’ll listen, i know He will.

Yeah, He’ll listen and think you don’t appreciate what you already have, and you’re going to ruin everything…  

No, it will be ok ~ or it won’t.  Either way, i still have to talk to Him about it.   i just need to think about what i want to say, and when to say it.

{Shakes head}  Ok  It’s your life.  If you want to take a chance on ruining it, i can’t stop you.

{Laughing}  It’s ok sweetie, i’m pretty sure i’m not going to ruin our life.  Not today anyway.

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Saturday

23 Feb

Saturday, He has a plan.

i don’t know what it is.  Yet.

He says it is more than dinner.

More than touching and stroking and caressing.

More than fucking.

i had a miserable day at work on Tuesday.  

It looked like some good things that we expected to happen, weren’t going to.  i could have been ok with that.  Then it looked like some really bad things were going to happen, and lots of people – clients and staff – were going to suffer because of it.  It looked like the good things were lost through corporate negligence, and the bad things coming through another organization’s bureaucratic rigidity and my organization’s mindless indifference and acceptance.

I was distraught.

This was on top of the usual issues and problems, catastrophes and misery.

i was overwhelmed. 

So on Tuesday, we were supposed to have gone out for dinner, and He thought we needed some down time instead.  So we ate in, and He calmed and soothed me.   He took care of me.

i felt better, and appreciated it. 

Then He warned me.  About Saturday.

He says it will be structured.  

He says, “you can relax and submit and I will do the rest, or rather, you will do the rest, as I dictate. No decisions, no worries, just submit.”

i know ~ He tells me ~ there will be  a red ass involved (mine.)

Then, late yesterday afternoon, the new, overwhelming issues at work got resolved.  Yep.

The good things are happening.  The bad things are not.

That’s partly cause i put a bunch of energy into arguing and persuading and playing with numbers and making phone calls, and so did some other people, and then some people had to listen and act on what we were saying, and now?

It’s all good.

So i was doing happy dances all over the place.  Then ~ i had this horrible thought ~

what if Sir was just doing whatever He was going to do on Saturday because i had been so upset?  What if He changed His plans now that i was ok?

Yes, i know that was goofy, goofy, goofy.  But at the moment, it made perfect sense.

And really ~ my 2nd husband?  That’s how he was.  He was at his best when i was at my worst.  If i could have just stayed messed up, or sick, or pathetic in some way, we might still be married.

Giggling.. really, that’s the truth.  

But i had this scary moment of “what if?”  

So ~ i asked Him.  i was kinda proud of myself for asking.  And at first He didn’t even understand what i was talking about, so i explained my worry, and admitted it was goofy, and He said:

“No my Saturday plans were not just to appease your upset little self,   The Dom in me reminds you that it would not be that way… No it’s much deeper than that.”

And my heart thrilled.  i can’t wait.

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Instructions Sent

26 Oct

i’ve gotten instructions for my date with Sir X.  

We’re meeting at his house tonight, which is actually a first time event.   He apparently wasn’t comfortable having guests until He’d done some thorough cleaning.  But Saturday was a big cleaning day at His house, and now He’s ready for visitors.

i’m to come home after work, have a light meal, and leave 45 minutes before i’m due at His house.  No food at His house.  This is an evening of “carnal pleasure,” He says.  

i’ve gotten explicit instructions on what to wear ~ a dress with buttons, or a shirt with buttons and a skirt.  Frigging buttons.  i have exactly three shirts that have buttons.  One of them is a flannel shirt.  i’m pretty sure flannel is not what He has in mind.

And it wouldn’t go with a skirt anyhow.   It’s a flannel shirt.  Perfect for cleaning house.  Going on a hayride.

i’m going to have to get a new wardrobe with buttons.   Sigh.

So i get off work at 5 today, fortunately, which will give me time to get home and change clothes and ~ you know, get ready.

He will give me directions to His house ~ i haven’t gotten them yet.  We went by there once, so theoretically i know where it is, but you know me, i couldn’t find it again for love or money.

i know what part of town it’s in.  i have a general idea, and i could find the area on a map.

Which i’m sorely tempted to do.  

i just want to see ~ if i leave work and come home, am i retracing my steps when i go to His house?  Would it make more sense to take clothes and change at work, stop somewhere for a light meal, and then go to His place?

And i almost pull up google map, when it hits me ~~~

~~ O, wait!  This is what got me in trouble last time!  Trying to plan ahead and make sure i knew where i was going.  Couldn’t just trust his directions, had to run around and see where they led ahead of time.

Ok.

Not gonna do that again…  nope.

i’ll wait.

If He texts the damn directions one street at a time, i’ll wait.

i can follow directions.  i can.

And maybe i’ll run over to the shopping center next to work and look for something cute to wear with buttons…

******* i haven’t forgotten about reporting back on classes for Kinky Kollege – more on that when i have a little more time ~ and when i’m not distracted by finding clothes with buttons ~ and the spanking bench awaiting me…********

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Anxious or Excited?

18 Oct

So, there i was, all complacently looking forward to my evening…

laughing…

Did i think this was some vanilla relationship?  Omigoodness…

i got an email from Sir X that has put my day into a whole different perspective.

He had not made a big deal about my failure to follow directions Saturday afternoon, other than referencing it a couple of times.   But apparently He has lost some of His confidence in my ability to follow instructions so, um,

um,

He’s going to punish me.

Gulp.

But i’m fine with that, i think that will help me feel better, but um,

i don’t know what He’s going to do.  We’ve never talked about punishment.  i have no idea what to expect.

So i’m a little anxious about that, but then He says ~

~ we’re going to have a geography lesson.

Geography.

i don’t DO geography, youall know that, o, yikes.

What kind of lesson???? i don’t know…

So i’m a little anxious about that, and then He says

~ He’s going to do a body inspection.  Um, yes, my body.

Orifices will be probed.  

i should make sure my ears are clean ~

~ and i have this moment of panic, does He think my ears are dirty? of course i’ll clean them ~

~~~~OMG ~~~~~~

it’s not my ears i have to worry about.

OMG.

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You Were Right

24 Sep

i’m on the run this morning already, but just wanted to tell you all how glad i am that you insisted i talk to Sir about my dissociative skill.  He said you all were right, that he did think it was important.

Actually, he sent me an email that touched me so deeply, i can’t even tell you.  There wasn’t a single note of pity, not a single note of anxiety about what i’d told Him.  He just accepted the information, acknowledged that it was important.

He went on to talk about how He sees what we’re doing, and he used this analogy:

“We are still defining your “normal” limits.  In the future, exploring those established limits will be more of a challenge for us both.  It’s like tip-toeing quietly down a hallway (your submission)  and discovering where the doors are in the hallway.  then once we have mapped out the doors, we can go back and gently turn the knob and peek into each one to see what we find beyond the door, and if what we find is exciting to us both then perhaps we can step inside together and enjoy it more completely.  So now we are still mapping out the doors.  It is my job to map those doors being careful not to accidentally fling one open, and I have my limits as well, I will not allow doorways that take us to places we definitely don’t want to go.” 

Sin’s been talking about safewords, and started a whole blogger community conversation about safewords, which has been very cool.   And i started to say, “i don’t think i have a safeword. ” 

~~ but then i thought, maybe that’s not right, maybe He did tell me we were using the “yellow – red” system.   That’s the most common one, the one i’ve usually had.  i’ve only used it a few times.

But unless Sir X has a sudden complete personality change, like you might have with a severe brain injury, i can’t imagine needing it with Him.   If there were anyone i could choose not to have a safeword with, it would be Him.

i have to tell you all, i am ~ not “crazy about Him” in an excited, roller coaster kind of way. {i’m so glad He doesn’t read me, so i can talk about this here.}

This is not an “On-the-edge-of-my-chair cause He might be the One,” kind of thrill.

Instead, the more i see of Him, the more i see how He handles himself and His life, other people in His life, and me ~ especially how He handles me ~ the deeper my respect for Him.  

He is even handed and measured in His responses to things.  Deliberate.  He thinks before He acts.  {i have not always chosen men who do this ~ i know, hard to believe.}

He’s honest and genuine.

He can tell me “no” in the nicest way.  Without being uncomfortable about it or leaving me feeling like i shouldn’t have asked.

i can depend on Him.  If He says something, He remembers He said it, and He follows through on it.  He hasn’t done any of the sudden disappearing that Doms sometimes do.

Not that He’s always available.  Like when i was at C.O.P.E., he gave me some times i was supposed to text Him, and said “I might not always respond, but I want to hear from you.”  i don’t mind that as long as i know to expect it, and as long as it’s not all the time.

AND He thrills me, and turns me on, makes me smile, and keeps me wet….

He’s my mate, you all, my Sir, maybe my Master.  i know i said that before here, and i’m sure i’ll say it again.  

i belong to Him.

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