When Sir is busy with work, which He has been this week, and probably will be until April, i’m not sure how to be helpful.
He doesn’t ignore me, but of course His communication is briefer. i’m ok with that. And really, we are just now starting His busy season, so it’s hard to say what it’ll look like or how we’ll deal with it.
We had tentatively talked about doing something Thursday night, but He had to cancel because He was working late. i’m hoping we’re still on for tonight ~ He has to work during the day, so there’s the possibility that He could have to work too late for us to see each other.
i don’t know yet how we’ll handle this. i like to think we’ll ease through it, that i’ll be understanding and supportive, that He’ll be present as much as He can, and it will all be smooth… but i don’t know.
i know, there’s no point in borrowing trouble, and i’m not trying to anticipate problems. Just wondering.
i think the hardest thing for me, in terms of submission, is recognizing that sometimes, less is more. That sometimes,not being there, not offering, not serving, is what He may need.
i remember a scene in Slave Girl of Gor, which i read a hundred years ago. It’s after her first day as a slave, and after she’s been thoroughly used sexually. That night, they tie her in her tent.
She thinks at first that it’s to keep her from escaping, although there would be nowhere for her to go if she ran away. Later, when she wakes up hot and horny and longing to be used again, she realizes she’s tied to her tent to keep her from waking up a Master, begging to be used again.
i think i know how she feels, although it is not just the sexuality part that calls me. i want to offer, i want to be used in some way, i don’t really care how.
Little Monkey did an amazingly beautiful post here today. If you haven’t read it yet, don’t miss it. She totally captures the joy of being there, open, ready, and waiting.
That would be easier to do, i think, if i were actually there at His feet.
i don’t think He’ll let me do that. My best prediction of what He’ll want when He’s busy is for me to entertain myself in my own life.
And i can do that.
But i don’t actually know what He will want. i’m preparing for what i think of as “the worst” without knowing what He’ll want. i need to remember that.
So i’ll wait ~ not naked, not at His feet, but with devotion that will let me respond to what He needs, not to what i want. And in the meantime, i’ll go do my usual Saturday thing…