i’m on the run this morning already, but just wanted to tell you all how glad i am that you insisted i talk to Sir about my dissociative skill. He said you all were right, that he did think it was important.
Actually, he sent me an email that touched me so deeply, i can’t even tell you. There wasn’t a single note of pity, not a single note of anxiety about what i’d told Him. He just accepted the information, acknowledged that it was important.
He went on to talk about how He sees what we’re doing, and he used this analogy:
“We are still defining your “normal” limits. In the future, exploring those established limits will be more of a challenge for us both. It’s like tip-toeing quietly down a hallway (your submission) and discovering where the doors are in the hallway. then once we have mapped out the doors, we can go back and gently turn the knob and peek into each one to see what we find beyond the door, and if what we find is exciting to us both then perhaps we can step inside together and enjoy it more completely. So now we are still mapping out the doors. It is my job to map those doors being careful not to accidentally fling one open, and I have my limits as well, I will not allow doorways that take us to places we definitely don’t want to go.”
Sin’s been talking about safewords, and started a whole blogger community conversation about safewords, which has been very cool. And i started to say, “i don’t think i have a safeword. ”
~~ but then i thought, maybe that’s not right, maybe He did tell me we were using the “yellow – red” system. That’s the most common one, the one i’ve usually had. i’ve only used it a few times.
But unless Sir X has a sudden complete personality change, like you might have with a severe brain injury, i can’t imagine needing it with Him. If there were anyone i could choose not to have a safeword with, it would be Him.
i have to tell you all, i am ~ not “crazy about Him” in an excited, roller coaster kind of way. {i’m so glad He doesn’t read me, so i can talk about this here.}
This is not an “On-the-edge-of-my-chair cause He might be the One,” kind of thrill.
Instead, the more i see of Him, the more i see how He handles himself and His life, other people in His life, and me ~ especially how He handles me ~ the deeper my respect for Him.
He is even handed and measured in His responses to things. Deliberate. He thinks before He acts. {i have not always chosen men who do this ~ i know, hard to believe.}
He’s honest and genuine.
He can tell me “no” in the nicest way. Without being uncomfortable about it or leaving me feeling like i shouldn’t have asked.
i can depend on Him. If He says something, He remembers He said it, and He follows through on it. He hasn’t done any of the sudden disappearing that Doms sometimes do.
Not that He’s always available. Like when i was at C.O.P.E., he gave me some times i was supposed to text Him, and said “I might not always respond, but I want to hear from you.” i don’t mind that as long as i know to expect it, and as long as it’s not all the time.
AND He thrills me, and turns me on, makes me smile, and keeps me wet….
He’s my mate, you all, my Sir, maybe my Master. i know i said that before here, and i’m sure i’ll say it again.
i belong to Him.