Tag Archives: obedience

Following Directions

17 Oct

When i saw Sir X Saturday night, He raised a very good point.  One that i had not even thought of.

Earlier that day, when we’d met for “lunch,” He’d given me very explicit directions about where to meet.  To be exact, He’d texted:

“I’ll meet you, my car, park yours, f street, northbound, one block before Broadway, walk north to the first statue, I’ll pick you up there.”

That’s pretty clear, right?

Especially if you know, as i do, that f street is one-way going north.

Does it say anything about driving around the block a couple of times trying to make sure I was in the right place with the right statue?

Um, no.  It really doesn’t.

As He pointed out, if i’d just done what He said to do, i would have found the statue just fine.

So, He asked, did i not trust His directions, or did i not trust my own ability to follow them?

Good question, right?

Ok, it was probably a little bit of both.  i don’t have a sense of direction, can almost get lost in my own backyard, and He knows that.  In fact, He kind of likes that, He says it gives me a vulnerability that’s appealing…

And of course He’s right ~ if i’d just done exactly what He said, i’d have been in the right place.  And if i hadn’t been, He would have found me. 

It’s a little bit of a wake up call for me ~ a reminder that i’m not as obedient as i’d like to think or as submissive as i want to be.   

Because ~

~~ here’s the thing ~~

i needed to feel in control.

And knowing Him, He purposely picked the kind of task that would challenge me.  Yeah, He’s that smart and insightful.

Have i mentioned that i’m wild about Him?

This is the first time that i can think of that i clearly didn’t meet the challenge of what He wanted me to do.  He wasn’t upset or angry, but He’s been clear that it wasn’t what i was supposed to do.

And that’s made me think hard about it, and how to correct it.  i’ll be more aware of that tendency in myself, and do better with it next time.

On a whole different note, i went to the BDSM discussion group yesterday.  It was fascinating.  Here are some of the questions we discussed:

• What is the most important quality for dominants?  For submissives?  For switches?
• What is the most detrimental quality for dominants?  For submissives?  For switches?
• What qualities define D/s relationships as opposed to vanilla relationships?
 Do you personally believe you were born into the orientation you have chosen, or is it something that you “learned” in some way or another?  If you had had a different upbringing, would you still have been the same kind of orientation you are?

There were lots more questions, many of which we didn’t even get to, but it was a terrific discussion.  And now i’m curious.  

What do youall think?  

How would you answer those questions?

Comment or email me your thoughts – aisha.hisservant@gmail.com – and if it i get a good response, i’ll do a post or two about the discussion…

i should have some time to play with it later this week ~ i’m going out-of-town Wednesday, first to a work training, which should be really interesting and fun, and then to Kinky Kollege in Chicago.  i’m thinking being out-of-town will relieve me of all kinds of other responsibilities.

Before that though, Sir X and i are getting together Tuesday night.  {Grinning…}  i can’t wait.

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The Path of Service and Mastery

21 Sep

The third spiritual path of BDSM that Raven talks about is the Path of Service and Mastery.  There is so much here that speaks to me.  He says,

Service is about attitude, about learning to give yourself a good attitude about whatever you’re doing.  It’s about joyful service, not service done with”murmuring in the heart.”

This idea actually comes from the rule of the Benedictine monks, which describes how to be a good monk.  Raven says that Joshua studied this rule as part of his training, as part of his learning how he was going to serve.

i’m a little bit familiar with St. Benedict’s rule for his monks, so this was easy to imagine.  For example, the chapter  on obedience starts out:   

“The first degree of humility is obedience without delay.”

And how often do we talk about that?   Isn’t that often a basic expectation for the sub?  Further on in the chapter, Benedict says:

“But this very obedience
will be acceptable to God and pleasing to all
only if what is commanded is done
without hesitation, delay, lukewarmness, grumbling, or objection.”

There’s much, much more about the Path of Service, but i want to look at the Path of Mastery a minute.  Benedict says:

However, just as it is proper 
for the disciples to obey their master, 
so also it is his function 
to dispose all things with prudence and justice.

Raven says the Path of Mastery invovles motivation, that the Master scrutinizes every order He gives to be sure it comes from “a clean place.”  To be sure it’s not vengeful, petty or self-serving.

Of course it can be “self-serving” in the sense of being what the Master wants.   In the lifestyle, we agree that serving the Master’s wants is a reasonable goal.

But it needs to be “cleanly from there.”  So ~ without hidden agendas or secret motives.  

i think this means that the Master has to be very clear with himself or herself what he or she actually wants.  i think it takes tremendous strength of character to be this kind of Master.

Anyone who wants to call himself a Dom or a Master needs to have a certain level of integrity.  Needs to be able to control himself and act rationally.  But someone on this spriitual path is actively working to increase their ability to ~ as Raven says ~ act from the right motives ~ or from clear motives.

The example that comes to my mind is my ex-husband, not the first one, but the second (and last) one, who was {maybe} a Dom.  One of the last things he said to me was, “All those {kinky} things  we did?   I didn’t want to do them.  I just did them to please you.”

That’s the ultimate muddy motivation.  He’s whipping me with a riding crop without warm-up or after care strictly for my pleasure?   Then, um, don’t do it.  Please.  That wasn’t a necessary part of my kink ~ and he knew that.

In fact, he was lying.  Believe me, i know this.  i think he’d started telling that lie to himself because he couldn’t face his own sadistic part.

Ms. Constance says that it is often very difficult for a Dom or Master to recognize that there is a part of His “self” that enjoys inflicting pain on someone else.  That this maybe more difficult than accepting that i kinda like receiving pain.

That makes perfect sense to me.

In my mind, Master and slave, Dom and sub, are on parallel paths that criss-cross but are not the same.  So the Master is working on knowing and mastering himself as much as being Master to his slave.

The slave or sub is working on learning to obey, rather than to agree.  

Agreeing is what we do at first.  He gives me an order and i {quickly} decide if it’s something i’m willing to do.  If it is, then i do it.

When i learn to obey, i do it without weighing out whether it’s right or wrong.  Without that split second of deciding.  i just do it.

i think it’s perfectly reasonable to agree at first.  It takes tremendous trust to truly obey.  And ~i don’t think everyone who calls himself Sir or Master is worthy of being obeyed.

But agreeing is not obeying.  Obeying comes from a deeper place of trust.

Last night, i was hog-tied.  i agreed to it.

He had not told me to get my mat.  

He put the rope harness on me first, it wraps around my hips, between my legs, the rope pulled snug, and back up to my waist.

Then, “Lie down,” He says, “Face down on the wood floor.”

It’s a quick pause ~ can i do this?  will i do this?

Then yes, of course i do, and it looks quick, i think, but the pause is there.  And that’s ok.

Once i’m lying face down on the floor ~ and how odd that feels!  He ties my hands behind my back.  And then, attaching to the rope at my hips on the way, connects my hands to my feet.

After checking to make sure i’m comfortable, well, not comfortable, but ok, He tells me to take a little time to think about the fact that i’m hog-tied face down on a hard, wood floor.   To ponder what that means about my submission.

He turns away and i don’t know what He’s doing, but with my face down on the floor, i do as i’m told and think about what it means.

At first, i’m kind of wiggly.  It’s not very comfortable, and i’m squirming a little bit, which makes the rope running between my legs move, and that’s not all bad either.

But i think about what it means, that i’m lying here like this, how it feels in my body to be restrained this way, and as i do, my body grows still.  

i notice this, and feel myself relaxing into it.  

All of my body ~ my arms which had felt strained, my legs and hips, even my neck ~ relaxes into it.

It is that open, receptive feeling ~ that big  “ahhhhh, yes,”  of submission.

The next time He gives a command like that, there will be less agreeing and a little more of obeying.  It takes time ~ it should take time.  But He is moving me that way.

There’s more ~ much more ~ to say ~ tomorrow.  

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Subspace for Me

18 Sep

When He puts the collar on me, it does something to me.  

The feeling of the material against my neck.  Whether it’s rope, a little stiff and rough, or leather, flexible and already broken in, it does something to me.

i am already a little on edge, because He is here, because we have finished dinner, because i have some idea what is coming next.  When He says, “Get your mat,” it ups the ante, i know it is time ~ let the games begin.

i know what to expect.  He has let me know some things that will happen each time, and my body is responding to the anticipation of what is coming.

i learn quickly, and the patterns feel engrained already.  My body trembles with anticipation, and a touch of anxiety.

As i get the mat, everything else falls away.  The act of preparing it ~ laying it out on the ground, putting a towel over it ~ these physical movements increase my arousal.

i know some things that will happen; i don’t know other things.  i know the order  of the implements he will use on me.  i don’t know how long, or how hard, or how well i’ll take it.  

i know we’ll practice positions.  

i don’t know what other things He will ask of me, or whether i’ll please Him with my responses.

All of these things are floating in my mind somewhere, increasing my arousal.  It is arousal in the sexual sense, and also just arousal in the “adrenaline flowing” sense.  

i am ready to act, attuned to Him, wanting to respond.

As I lay out the mat, my awareness of my own physical being increases.  The movements involved in doing it.  The way my hands and arms work.  My leg muscles as i kneel, the movement of my breasts as i arrange the towel.  

i am already wet.  

i sit on the towel, and wait.  Not for long, but in that minute or two ~

~~ anticipation builds.  

My awareness of my body increases.

My mind grows still.  i am open and receptive.

 i am not thinking in words anymore; there are sensations and images in my mind, but mostly i am focused right here and now.

When He sits in front of me, my attention becomes completely His.  

“Kneel,” He says.  “Do you remember that position?”

i do, and i move smoothly and quickly, wanting to do it just right.

He picks up the collar, “Leather tonight,” He says, and i know how it will feel around my neck.  “Come here.”

i scoot forward on my knees and He smiles a little.

i know, because He has told me before, that once He puts the collar on me, He expects me to obey Him without question.  i am not thinking about that, but that knowing is there.

As He puts it around my neck, i feel something inside me shift.  It is a breaking open ~ i don’t know how else to describe it.

He claims me with the collar, and i respond by opening to Him.  My heart opens, my mind is totally focused on Him, totally receptive.

My spirit opens.

As He buckles the collar, pulls it tight, there is awareness of my breath.  Of vulnerability.   The tension up just a notch ~ instinctive, not afraid, but hyper alert.

When He settles the collar into place, everything in me is His, the shift is more profound.  i am transformed.  Focused, open, receptive, totally in the here and now…

He has claimed me, i am His.

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And In the Morning

9 Sep

i’ve got so much to say and so little time…

i was a tiny bit concerned yesterday as i was reading the comments ~ which i haven’t had a chance to respond to yet.  But i thought ~ youall were so happy for me, what if it went terribly wrong?

And for just a moment, i imagine the worst possibilities ~ not that i thought Sir X would turn out to be a serial killer, but maybe i would be dreadfully disappointed, or that He would be.  That all your well wishes would have been for naught.

And then i thought, yeah, and if that happens, they’ll all be really disappointed right along with me, sympathetic and supportive.

So i quit worrying about that and worried about whether or not i’d be able to finish straightening the house, prepping dinner, and getting myself ready in the 45 minutes between when i got home and he was due.  Fortunately for me, traffic was bad, he ran late, and i made it.  So~

 Everything is just about ready when He gets here.

i’m wearing, as He had instructed, a shirt that buttons down the front.  The nipple nooses are nearby.  

Actually, my shirt is an oversize black, sort of silky shirt, with three quarter length sleeves that are gathered up by a strip of material that buttons on the outside of the sleeve.   Under it, i’m wearing leggings in a denim color.  Black wedge heels.

He is pleased.

After dinner, we sit on my couch, which is actually a love seat.  i think it’s symbolically significant that my furniture is new and i haven’t “used it” with anyone else.  Ok, maybe that’s silly, i just like the idea.   

So, we have been kissing, and touching.  He’s wearing a blue shirt, also one that buttons down the front, and it’s soft.  i like the way it feels.

Then ~~

~ He unbuttons my shirt.  Releases my breasts from my bra, and has me put the nipple nooses on.  He watches with interest as i loop the cord around a nipple, tighten it carefully.

i will wear them for the rest of the evening, although He doesn’t tell me that.  

They don’t really hurt, they do keep my nipples extended.  From time to time, they send a tingle straight from nipple to pussy…

*****************************

Omigoodness, i can’ t possibly do this experience justice, it’ll take me days.  i still have to exercise, pack for COPE, go see a couple of clients ~ with some errands to run first.  There is never enough time for all the things i want to do…

Ok.  Let me leave you with this thought.  He has great hands, firm and gentle.  And He’s generous with His touch.  Throughout the evening, His hands caress and stroke me… keeping me aroused… making me whimper and moan.

Sigh.

i could have played all night…

{To be continued}

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More on Nipples

8 Sep

Yesterday,  i should have waited to finish my post until i had taken off the little loops on my nipples  – cause o, yikes.    As i had feared the previous day, it was difficult to get a fingernail under the loop to loosen them ~

~~ leading to some tense moments.  i thought about calling the firefighters, as Sin suggested, but instead i tugged and pulled on them til i got them off.

Whew.

Interestingly, even though they don’t hurt a lot, the sensation lasts for a long time.  So even a half hour later, in the shower, when the water hit my nipples, i could still feel the slight discomfort, which was quite pleasant.

When i put my bra on, the material brushing against them, brought the feeling back.  

And really, they stayed hard for a long time.  It was interesting.

i’m wearing them again this morning, since He asked me to play with them.  i find myself tightening them more, seeking a more intense sensation.

And i think about how clever He is, to approach it this way.  He could have given me detailed instructions on how long to use them, how tight to make them, how many times to play with them.  

But no.

“Play with them,” He says.  “I’ll want a critique.”

And instead of being focused on some tension between His instructions and my feelings, i’m all focused on my feelings.

Discovering that i want some pain, That maybe these little nipple nooses, as he calls them, aren’t quite ouchy enough.

But then i think about the other clamps he showed me ~ not alligator clamps, C-clamps.

And i imagine my nipple, crushed between the two pieces of metal ~ o, it would be cold too, wouldn’t it?

O.

And the chain dangling between them ~ it’s a thick chain…

and i’m pretty sure that would be too much.  At least right now.

But one thing i’m learning about Sir X, He’s taking His time, leading me so smoothly there’s no question of resisting.  

He’s subtle.

Gentle.

Firm.

He’s quick to give feedback, lots of stroking, lots of warmth, very specific, detailed praise ~ and the occasional correction.  

As i write that, i can picture Bob scoffing at it, making some snarky comment about my neediness.  And that’s ok. 

i know what’s happening.  As Sir X talks to me, messages me,  i can feel myself being drawn into His control.  Beginning to trust Him.

Wanting to please Him.

Sigh… i can’t wait for tonight.

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Discipline (Part X)

27 Aug

“Yes, Sir,” i say, “i’m ready,” but i hear my voice tremble, and the bottom just dropped out of my stomach.

“Good girl,” He says, and then ~ when i’m not expecting it ~ He smacks my ass, but not too hard, and it sends a wave of lust through me.  My pussy clenches.

He nods to Diana and Selena, “Take her to the study, please, I’ll see our guests out.”

i’m so grateful i could cry, i had been afraid they would stay to watch me be punished, and i can’t help smiling with relief.  Then ~

~ “Well, wait,” He says.  “Let’s have her roll the dice now, that way you can go ahead and put her in position, and she’ll know what to expect.”

My heart is pounding; i watch Him open a velvet pouch.  He pours the dice into His hand and gives them to me ~ two of them.

That had not occurred to me.

7 x 8 is 56.  10 x 8 is 80.  And i can’t even think what 8 x 12 is right now, although i knew it earlier.  8 x 11 is 88.

96.  12 x 8 is 96.  i can’t ~ i couldn’t take 96 hits with the switch, i just couldn’t. 96?  i’d die.

He hands me the dice.

They feel hard, i can feel the indentations, the sharp corners.  Selena is beside me, she’s holding a box, lined in felt, and somehow i know, without being told, that this is to roll the dice in.  She sets it down on the table.

“Go ahead,” He says, nodding to me with an encouraging smile.

The other girl is watching me closely, the other man is too.  i take the few steps toward the table, look at the dice in my hand ~ my hand poised above the box ~~

~~”Now,” He says ~~

and i let them go.  

Hear them bounce off the sides of the box, watch them wobble in the bottom of the box, as if in slow motion ~     

                  ~~ settling at last into a four ~ and another four.

Eight.

i rolled an eight.  What is that?  Omigod.  64.  That’s 64.  Better than 96, but it’s 64.  i picture myself counting ~ no, really, i can’t do 64.

He smiles, “Nice job.  8 times 8 is?”

And i already know, “64, Sir,” i say and my voice is trembling, and maybe whiny, and scared for sure.

He kisses me, a deep kiss that leaves me breathless.  Nips my lower lip with His teeth.  

“Don’t worry,” He says, “You can do it, I’ll help you.  You rolled doubles too, didn’t you?  That’s always lucky. Now, go with Selena and Diana and let them get you ready.”

The women lead me away.

They take me back to the room with the raised platform, where we had been before.  They show me how to kneel on the platform with my ass raised high, my head low.  

They slide a ~ some kind of pillow, but it’s very firm and large ~ under my belly to keep me in position.   They spread my legs, and attach the ankle cuffs to rings in the floor.

Securely fastened that way, they leave my arms free, but show me how to place them.

When i’m arranged to their satisfaction, they caution me not to move.  “He’ll check your position when He comes, I know you don’t want to add to your punishment,” says Selena.

And they are gone.  i’m alone in this room,  ass to the door, all open and exposed to anyone who might walk in.  Waiting for The Major to come use the switch on me.

64 times.

And yet ~ i don’t want to leave.  In my heart, i just want this to be over so i can please Him again.

*************************************

i hate to leave our girl here, but i got to go, i’m going to the Fair today.  YAY!  A whole day of delight.

This time last year, i had an assignment to get a yardstick at the Fair, for Sir D.  You can read about it here, if you like.  Those were some fun times…

So tomorrow, hopefully, we’ll get through this punishment thing so she and The Major can move on to what they really need to do.

And even through the pleasures of the day, i’ll be holding my friends in the Northeast in my heart, hoping you and yours ride out Hurricane Irene safely.

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Discipline (Part II)

14 Aug

i expect him to drop that bombshell and walk out, that is so his style, but He doesn’t.  Instead, He continues giving Selena and Diana instructions.

“The purple corset, i think.  Make sure you lace it tight enough.  And the heels to match, of course.”

i am standing there, stunned and silent.  Really, company for dinner??  And i’m going to wear a corset and heels, and nothing else?  He can’t be serious.

He turns to me then.  “Slut of mine,” and He pulls me to Him for a moment.   Fists His hand in my hair, right at the nape of my neck.  “Are you freaked out, little one?”

“Yes, Sir, just a little bit,” i say, but with His hand in my hair, pressed against Him, the rough fabric of His shirt rubbing my nipples ~ i feel myself slipping into that place of submission where anything can be ok.  i try to push back in my head ~

“Company, Sir?  Who, may i ask you Who’s coming?”

“Does it make a difference?”  His voice is silky, smooth, and i feel more anxious.

“No – no, um i guess not, um,” i gulp, “i just – i mean, what if it’s someone i know, or ~ is it a guy?  What if…” and my voice trails off.  i look at my feet.”

He tilts my head back, so i’m looking into His eyes.  

His voice is gentle.  “Have you not been naked at public events before?  Wasn’t that in front of strangers?    Some of whom were ‘guys.’ This is not even a first for you.  Have a little faith in me, my dear slut.”

i feel bad then ~ of course, He’s right, i have played in public, naked in front of strangers, and not felt bad about it.  Here i’ve just given Him control of me for a whole week and felt the joy of belonging, and now, minutes later, i’m already questioning Him.  

“i’m sorry…” i stammer, “i just…”

His hand in my hair tightens.  “Sorry?”

“For, um, for questioning you, for not trusting you…” my voice trails off, uncertain now.

“No.”  He shakes His head.  “No, i want you to ask.  Want you to question.  i don’t want you to hide anything, doubts or fears.”  He grins, “And then I’ll tell you to have a little faith in me, right?”

i smile back, so relieved,  “Yes, Sir.  And i do, you know i do, have faith in you.”

“Yes,” and He’s smiling too.  “Now,” He says, “I’m going to leave you to be prepared for this evening.  But first i want you to kneel down and kiss my cock,   Wait ~” as i had started to kneel, He stops me.

“Wait.  It is a three part greeting.  You will kiss my lips first, just a brief kiss, then my hand,  then you kneel and kiss my cock.   And you’ll use this greeting for the duration of your stay here, and at times, even after you leave.  Whenever i enter the room, before i leave the room, you’re to follow this process.  Is that clear?”

“Yes, Sir,” i say, and i’m delighted.  This will be a perfect way to express my feelings for Him, the deep submission i experience with Him.

“Then show Me now,” He says.  “I have work to do before dinner.”

i rise on my toes to kiss His lips, just brushing His lips with mine. 

He nods His approval.

i take His hand in mine, turn it and bend to kiss the palm, wanting to make the brief contact a sensual caress.

“Good,” He says, patting my chin.

i kneel then, so i am on a level with His cock.  He unzips His pants, pulls His cock out, offers it to me, half-hard, laying on His hand.

i hesitate, not sure what He wants.  Leaning forward, i place my lips, slightly pursed, on the tip of His cock, laying a tiny kiss on Him, right there.

“Yes,” He says.  “Just like that, unless i tell you differently, that’s just right.  Now~~”

~~ He takes my nipples, one in each hand, and pulls upward, til i rise to my feet.  He presses my body to Him, and smacks me lightly a couple of times on the ass.

i purr and would have wriggled closer into Him, but He pushes me away, laughing… “No, slut.  No more.  Go with Diana and Selena.  Now.”

i’m laughing too ~ “Yes, Sir.”

And then He is gone, and Diana and Selena are smiling at me, watching me, and i suddenly feel very alone, naked and vulnerable.

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Discipline (Part I)

13 Aug

The Major takes my hand and helps me up.  i’ve been kneeling for a while, so it feels really good to stand.

“Stretch,” He says, with a smile.  “Go ahead and stretch your body out.”

i feel a little strange, but i do, raising my arms over my head, touching the floor.  i twist my torso from side to side, pull a leg up behind me, touching my heel to my butt, right leg, then left.

“Good girl,” He says. “Now, come here, come sit on my lap, and let’s talk about where we go from here.” 

He leads me to His chair, pulls me into His lap.  i curl up into Him, belonging there.  He strokes my hair, pinches my left nipple, tugging til i whimper.

“Obedience,” He says.  “While you’re here, you’ll learn to obey me, without question.  But that’s not enough to achieve your goals.   I want more than that.”

“Yes, Sir,” i say, but my mind is partly on His body, the warmth of Him, the sensations His hands arouse in me, even His smell, that masculine aroma, His voice, firm and kind ~it all surrounds me, fills me.   i am floating, drifting…

“No,” He says.  “You’re not attending to me,” and He flips me, quite suddenly He flips me, and i’m draped across His lap, ass in the air.

His hand lands on my ass before i quite realize what is happening, a sharp smack that takes my breath away.  A second follows quickly, and i begin to squirm.  With His other hand, He grasps my nipple, and holds on.

This effectively pins me down ~ if i squirm, it pulls on my nipple.  

“Stop,” He says.  “Hold still.  I want your attention, I want you to feel this.”  His hand comes down again, and this time it hurts even more, i cry out, and realize that it’s wet, His hand is wet.  

i try to raise my head to see what He’s doing, but of course that just tugs on my nipple, hurting me.  

“Are you paying attention, slut?”  He says.

“Yes, Sir, yes, Sir, i am,” i gasp, as His wet hand smacks my ass on the other cheek.  He continues, alternating cheeks, and i realize that He’s dipping His hand in something – a bowl of water, maybe? in between blows.  

He’s doing it steadily, and slowly enough that i have time to absorb each lick, anticipate the next one.  

i begin to accept it, to relax into it.

He pauses for a moment to slide His fingers inside my pussy, which is wet and hot.  “Such a slut,” He says.  “Such a slut.  Do you want to cum?”

His fingers probe deeper, and i can barely talk, but, “Yes, Sir, O ~ yes, please, Sir!”

Only He laughs, and the fingers are withdrawn.  My ass is burning, but He starts again, this time focusing on one cheek for several blows before switching.  Just when i think i can’t take it anymore ~ just then ~

He stops.  

“Do you think you can pay attention now?” He asks.

“Yes, Sir, i do, please Sir.”

He helps me turn back over, settle myself into position on His lap again.  But this time i am not drifting, not floating, this time, my mind is alert and focused completely on Him, on attending to what He is saying.

“You will be spanked,” He says, “Often.  To get your attention, for punishment, and for my own pleasure.  It’s ok if you like it, if it makes you hot, which ~” and His hand probes between my legs,  “~ which we know it does.

“When i’m finished, you will thank me, and kiss the instrument i have used on you, whether it’s my hand or the switch or the riding crop.”  

He holds His hand out, palm up, and i take it between my hands, raise it to my mouth, and kiss it gently.  On the palm first, then each of His fingers.  It is warm and still a little red from spanking me so fiercely.

“Thank you, Sir,” i say softly, and realize i mean it.

His thumb brushes my lips, “You’re welcome,” He says, and i can hear the smile in His voice.

“Sometimes,” He says, “I will have Diana or Selena whip you as well.”

A shiver runs through me, i think i hate this idea, and my pussy clenches, completely confusing me.

“As you know,” He says, toying with the necklace hanging just below my collar, the necklace with the three tokens hanging on it, “We will track any punishment owed to you, and that will be administered at the end of the day, before bedtime.

“Of course there will be rules and requirements, and we’ll talk about those later, maybe even tomorrow.  It’s enough for you to know now that the focus is on obedience.  If you do well, I may allow you to come back and work on service, but for now I just want you to learn to obey.  Is that clear?”

“Yes, Sir,” i say.

“When we talk about discipline,” He says, “Most people think of punishment.  But it also means training, training to correct or mold you, training to perfect your mind  or moral character.  Discipline is control gained by enforcing obedience, by insisting on order.

Is that clear, slut?”

“Yes, Sir,” i say.

“So we’ll regulate your food, and your exercise.  Control your orgasms.  Induce pain, and pleasure.  And we’ll help you meet some of your goals while we’re here.  But more importantly, we’ll work on ways to make sure you maintain that progress when you leave here.”

The door opens ~ Selena and Diana.  Diana grins, “I see she agreed.”

He says, laughing, “Of course she did.  She’s a delightful slut, and now she’s my slut.  Now, take her and get her cleaned up, please.  It’s almost time for dinner.”

“Clothes?” asks Selena.

He has pushed me off His lap and i’m standing, the three of them around me.  He stands too, look me over, considering.  i blush.

“No,” He says, “No clothes.  A corset, maybe.  Yes, a corset.  We’re having guests for dinner tonight.”

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The Major (Part XI)

9 Aug

My heart is racing again, my mouth dry.  A week?  He wants me to stay here for a week?

i want to, i want to a lot, and i’m terrified to say yes.  He’s watching me.  On my knees with my arms up, hands locked behind my head, i feel incredibly exposed. 

“Don’t answer yet,” He says.  “I don’t want you to say yes without thinking about it.  Now is the time to ask questions.  Then I’ll leave you to think about it.”

“Ok,” i say, “Yes, Sir,” and i’m trying to think, what do i want to ask Him?

“What will You do with me?”

He looks at me for a long moment.  i feel the heat between my legs.  “What do you think I’m going to do with you, slut?” He asks.

“i – i don’t know…”  i say, dropping my eyes.  “i mean, i guess what you’ve been doing…” and my voice trails off again.  

Raising my eyes, i see His lips curve up; it’s a tiny smile, but His eyes are smiling too.  i have to smile a little myself.

“You may put your arms down,” He says.

i do, relieved, letting them rest, palm up, on my thighs.  His hands pinch my nipples, twisting and pulling hard, and my pussy clenches.

He releases me. 

“Yes, I’ll use you,” He says.  “Use you for my pleasure, as I want.  You were made to be used.”  He pauses, then,  “If I tell you to lie on your back, tell you to spread your legs and pull your knees up to your chest so i can smack your cunt, what would you do?”

i bite my lip, look away.

“No,” He says.  “Look at me.”

i do, i look into His eyes, those deep, intense blue eyes.  “Tell me, ” He says again, “I tell you to lay back and open yourself so i can smack your cunt, hard, tell me what you’re gonna do.”

Looking at Him makes it easier, and harder to answer, i just have to let my mouth follow my heart, and i suddenly am able to choose not to be ashamed.  Boldly, i say, “i’d do it, of course, Sir.  You know i would.”

He raises an eyebrow.  “Do it?  Do what?”

Slowly, deliberately, “Open myself, Sir, for you, spread my legs wide so you could smack my cunt.”

He smiles then, a full smile, “Good girl.  Yes.  I know you would.  Now, will you open your mind and heart for me too?”

A shiver runs through me, my pussy clenches.  i am amazed at the power these words have over me.

 i am afraid, and still the words slip out, “Yes, Sir, i want to.”  i hesitate, then add, “But what will You do with me?”  Grinning, “i know what You’ll do with my body,  What will You do with my mind and my heart?”

“Teach you.”  He says.  “Teach you discipline.  Teach you to use your time and talents more productively.”

“But ~” i’m hesitant “But there are things i do that aren’t “productive” that are important to me.  Like ~ well, like reading my friends’ blogs.  i don’t want to quit doing that.”

He shakes His head, “No, of course not.  This isn’t about taking things away from you.  It’s about increasing your energy, and channeling it.  It’s about being more organized so you don’t spend a lot of time doing the things that you don’t feel good about.”

i think about how often i have to spend time looking for something i need to do something else. Time wasted before i even start the ‘something else.’

“Discipline,” He says, and the word sends another shiver through me.  His tone is light, but the words are deliberate and weighty.  “I’ll discipline your body with  rules and requirements, with rewards and punishment.  And i’ll discipline your mind the same way.”

i am so drawn to this idea it scares me.

He stands.  “I want you to think about it,” He says.  “The computer is there, you may want to write about it, to blog about it.”

He moves to the sliding glass door ~ i can’t see Him from my place on my knees, but He says, “I’m locking this, it has a little lock and I’ll have the key to it.  I’ll lock the other door too when I leave, but we’ll be monitoring you at all times, so you know you’re safe.”

He moves back to me, helps me stand.  Pinches my nipples, of course.  Slides a hand between my legs, penetrating me in both places at once.  “Yes,” He says, “Much more open.  Good.  We’ll stretch you some more tomorrow, and then I’ll fuck your ass.”

My knees almost buckle, literally, His words shake me, leave me weak.  He laughs.

“You need to sit down,” He says.  “Not in my chair,” nodding toward the recliner, “you may sit in the rocking chair.”  He leads me to it.  It is a wicker chair with cushions that rocks, and i curl into it.

Again, He pinches my nipples, which are sore and aching.

“Think hard, slut,” He says.  “I’ll be back.” 

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The Major (Part X)

8 Aug

{If you’re just now joining this fantasy, it actually starts here, as “Here She Is” and goes on for a really long time before becoming “The Major.”  But you can probably enjoy it just as much starting here.}

He leads the way into the house, and turns to face me.  “Kneel,” He says.  “As if you were getting into First Position.  Yes, like that, but put your hands out in front of you ~ that’s right ~ lay the switch across both hands, yes, like that, and offer it to me.”

Following His directions, i offer Him the switch.  He takes it from me and whips it through the air a couple of times, making that switchy whistle sound.  My heart races.

“If it’s something like a switch, or a whip, or impact instrument of some sort you’ve offered,” He continues, “then once I’ve taken it, you need to move into Second Position right away, and offer your ass.”

Even as i’m doing it, bending forward so my head is on the ground and my ass raised high in the air, i wonder why i’m accepting this so readily.  Why it’s so easy to follow His instructions.

Why it makes me so incredibly hot to know that He’s going to use that switch on me.  i know it’s going to hurt.  And my pussy is throbbing and aching, juices running down my inner thighs.  

“That’s it,” He says.  “Good girl.  I always like to test an implement.  We’re not going to carry out your punishment right now, I just want to test the switch.”  He leans over to rub my ass gently, stroking it; it makes me shiver, a wave of pleasure running through me.

He laughs.  “No cumming you know,” He says, standing.  Then i hear the switch ~ hear it whistle ~ omigod ~ and it lands on my ass, a sharp, biting sting that makes me cry out.  It is all i can do not to jump up and run.

But i don’t.  i stay in position, whimpering now as the sting spreads through my body, finally dissipating, and i can breathe again.  

Trembling, afraid He’s going to do it again.

The muscles in my asshole have tightened around the butt plug and i’m more aware of that invasive presence.  Sometimes, it seems like it’s just become part of me, that it’s natural to have this thing inside me.  Other times, i’m acutely aware of wanting it out.

“Up,” He says.  “You’ve chosen well.  The punishment will come later, at the end of the day.  Go to the bathroom and remove the butt plug, wash it up with soap and water.  Diana will show you how to clean it more thoroughly later.

“Then come here, we need to work on your life inventory.”

He seats Himself in the recliner, and i go to the bathroom.  With great relief i remove the butt plug, a little disgusted to hear the noises emanating from my asshole as i pull it out.  i wash it quickly, leave it to dry on the sink.  i am relieved that it’s gone ~ and surprised that i feel so empty.

He allows me to kneel at His feet.  First Position ~ back straight, breasts thrust forward, knees slightly parted.  My hands rest, palms up, on my thighs.

He pinches each nipple, hard.

“Tell me about your job, what you’re doing now, and what you want to do.

So i do.  i talk for a long time.  Some of it is good ~ i’m self-supporting, i have a job that helps other people.  i do it well, for the most part, as well as anyone could, i think.  If i’m overwhelmed a lot, i’m pretty sure anyone would be under the same circumstances.

It’s a little uncomfortable to confess how many times i tell myself i’ll do this or that at home over a weekend to get it out of the way, and end up on Sunday night with none of it done.  But i tell Him.

When we move to “what i want to do,” i begin to squirm inside.  There are so many things i want to do, need to do.  And i make so little progress on any of them.

So when He says, “So you’re telling me you have a book half written, and haven’t looked at in months?  That it’s maybe more than a year since you even tried to work on it?” i hang my head.  

“Yes, Sir.” i say.

“And you’re telling me you were looking into a possibility that might get you out of your current job, and you haven’t followed through on it?  Is that right?  That you haven’t managed to send another email?”

i’m really squirming now, i can’t look at Him.  “Yes, Sir,” i say, noticing how small my voice is.

“Well,” His voice is kind, “I guess you spend a lot of time doing things around the house.  What kind of projects have you got going on there?”

And i have to confess, hardly anything.  A basement that needs cleaning out in the worst way, and weeks go by without me doing anything that would be progress.

i tell Him about hours spent on facebook, hours spent looking for new posts on my favorite blogs.  i want to sink through the ground.

“Slut,” He says, “Look at me.”

Reluctantly, i lift my eyes.  Tears threatening to spill over.

He leans forward.  “This is why you’re here,” He says, his voice light, and kind.  “You lack discipline.  No need to be ashamed.  I’m here to help you.”

The tears fall then, hot tears, and He pulls me to Him, lets me rest my head on His thigh, strokes my hair, tugging it gently at the nape of my neck, while i sob.

When i am finished, He hands me a kleenex.  Makes me blow my nose.

“First position,” He says, and i sit back on my knees, arrange my body as He likes.  “Arms up,” He says, and i raise them, hands locked behind my head.

He holds my breasts, stroking and caressing each one.  Pinching the nipples, hard enough that i whimper.  They are still sore from the clamps earlier in the day.

“Discipline,” He says.  “You do so well with direction.  I can see that.  You just need more structure and support.  Do you want that?”

He releases my breasts, sits back.  i am left, open and exposed.   My pussy throbs, so hot and wet.   Nipples ache, and long to be touched.  My asshole is stretched and sore, and yet i want to be filled again.  

“Structure and support?” i say.

He nods.  “For a week, I want complete control of you.  Want you to stay here and give yourself to me. Completely, without reservation.”

He smiles, “Do you agree?”

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