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Discipline (Part II)

14 Aug

i expect him to drop that bombshell and walk out, that is so his style, but He doesn’t.  Instead, He continues giving Selena and Diana instructions.

“The purple corset, i think.  Make sure you lace it tight enough.  And the heels to match, of course.”

i am standing there, stunned and silent.  Really, company for dinner??  And i’m going to wear a corset and heels, and nothing else?  He can’t be serious.

He turns to me then.  “Slut of mine,” and He pulls me to Him for a moment.   Fists His hand in my hair, right at the nape of my neck.  “Are you freaked out, little one?”

“Yes, Sir, just a little bit,” i say, but with His hand in my hair, pressed against Him, the rough fabric of His shirt rubbing my nipples ~ i feel myself slipping into that place of submission where anything can be ok.  i try to push back in my head ~

“Company, Sir?  Who, may i ask you Who’s coming?”

“Does it make a difference?”  His voice is silky, smooth, and i feel more anxious.

“No – no, um i guess not, um,” i gulp, “i just – i mean, what if it’s someone i know, or ~ is it a guy?  What if…” and my voice trails off.  i look at my feet.”

He tilts my head back, so i’m looking into His eyes.  

His voice is gentle.  “Have you not been naked at public events before?  Wasn’t that in front of strangers?    Some of whom were ‘guys.’ This is not even a first for you.  Have a little faith in me, my dear slut.”

i feel bad then ~ of course, He’s right, i have played in public, naked in front of strangers, and not felt bad about it.  Here i’ve just given Him control of me for a whole week and felt the joy of belonging, and now, minutes later, i’m already questioning Him.  

“i’m sorry…” i stammer, “i just…”

His hand in my hair tightens.  “Sorry?”

“For, um, for questioning you, for not trusting you…” my voice trails off, uncertain now.

“No.”  He shakes His head.  “No, i want you to ask.  Want you to question.  i don’t want you to hide anything, doubts or fears.”  He grins, “And then I’ll tell you to have a little faith in me, right?”

i smile back, so relieved,  “Yes, Sir.  And i do, you know i do, have faith in you.”

“Yes,” and He’s smiling too.  “Now,” He says, “I’m going to leave you to be prepared for this evening.  But first i want you to kneel down and kiss my cock,   Wait ~” as i had started to kneel, He stops me.

“Wait.  It is a three part greeting.  You will kiss my lips first, just a brief kiss, then my hand,  then you kneel and kiss my cock.   And you’ll use this greeting for the duration of your stay here, and at times, even after you leave.  Whenever i enter the room, before i leave the room, you’re to follow this process.  Is that clear?”

“Yes, Sir,” i say, and i’m delighted.  This will be a perfect way to express my feelings for Him, the deep submission i experience with Him.

“Then show Me now,” He says.  “I have work to do before dinner.”

i rise on my toes to kiss His lips, just brushing His lips with mine. 

He nods His approval.

i take His hand in mine, turn it and bend to kiss the palm, wanting to make the brief contact a sensual caress.

“Good,” He says, patting my chin.

i kneel then, so i am on a level with His cock.  He unzips His pants, pulls His cock out, offers it to me, half-hard, laying on His hand.

i hesitate, not sure what He wants.  Leaning forward, i place my lips, slightly pursed, on the tip of His cock, laying a tiny kiss on Him, right there.

“Yes,” He says.  “Just like that, unless i tell you differently, that’s just right.  Now~~”

~~ He takes my nipples, one in each hand, and pulls upward, til i rise to my feet.  He presses my body to Him, and smacks me lightly a couple of times on the ass.

i purr and would have wriggled closer into Him, but He pushes me away, laughing… “No, slut.  No more.  Go with Diana and Selena.  Now.”

i’m laughing too ~ “Yes, Sir.”

And then He is gone, and Diana and Selena are smiling at me, watching me, and i suddenly feel very alone, naked and vulnerable.

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Discipline (Part I)

13 Aug

The Major takes my hand and helps me up.  i’ve been kneeling for a while, so it feels really good to stand.

“Stretch,” He says, with a smile.  “Go ahead and stretch your body out.”

i feel a little strange, but i do, raising my arms over my head, touching the floor.  i twist my torso from side to side, pull a leg up behind me, touching my heel to my butt, right leg, then left.

“Good girl,” He says. “Now, come here, come sit on my lap, and let’s talk about where we go from here.” 

He leads me to His chair, pulls me into His lap.  i curl up into Him, belonging there.  He strokes my hair, pinches my left nipple, tugging til i whimper.

“Obedience,” He says.  “While you’re here, you’ll learn to obey me, without question.  But that’s not enough to achieve your goals.   I want more than that.”

“Yes, Sir,” i say, but my mind is partly on His body, the warmth of Him, the sensations His hands arouse in me, even His smell, that masculine aroma, His voice, firm and kind ~it all surrounds me, fills me.   i am floating, drifting…

“No,” He says.  “You’re not attending to me,” and He flips me, quite suddenly He flips me, and i’m draped across His lap, ass in the air.

His hand lands on my ass before i quite realize what is happening, a sharp smack that takes my breath away.  A second follows quickly, and i begin to squirm.  With His other hand, He grasps my nipple, and holds on.

This effectively pins me down ~ if i squirm, it pulls on my nipple.  

“Stop,” He says.  “Hold still.  I want your attention, I want you to feel this.”  His hand comes down again, and this time it hurts even more, i cry out, and realize that it’s wet, His hand is wet.  

i try to raise my head to see what He’s doing, but of course that just tugs on my nipple, hurting me.  

“Are you paying attention, slut?”  He says.

“Yes, Sir, yes, Sir, i am,” i gasp, as His wet hand smacks my ass on the other cheek.  He continues, alternating cheeks, and i realize that He’s dipping His hand in something – a bowl of water, maybe? in between blows.  

He’s doing it steadily, and slowly enough that i have time to absorb each lick, anticipate the next one.  

i begin to accept it, to relax into it.

He pauses for a moment to slide His fingers inside my pussy, which is wet and hot.  “Such a slut,” He says.  “Such a slut.  Do you want to cum?”

His fingers probe deeper, and i can barely talk, but, “Yes, Sir, O ~ yes, please, Sir!”

Only He laughs, and the fingers are withdrawn.  My ass is burning, but He starts again, this time focusing on one cheek for several blows before switching.  Just when i think i can’t take it anymore ~ just then ~

He stops.  

“Do you think you can pay attention now?” He asks.

“Yes, Sir, i do, please Sir.”

He helps me turn back over, settle myself into position on His lap again.  But this time i am not drifting, not floating, this time, my mind is alert and focused completely on Him, on attending to what He is saying.

“You will be spanked,” He says, “Often.  To get your attention, for punishment, and for my own pleasure.  It’s ok if you like it, if it makes you hot, which ~” and His hand probes between my legs,  “~ which we know it does.

“When i’m finished, you will thank me, and kiss the instrument i have used on you, whether it’s my hand or the switch or the riding crop.”  

He holds His hand out, palm up, and i take it between my hands, raise it to my mouth, and kiss it gently.  On the palm first, then each of His fingers.  It is warm and still a little red from spanking me so fiercely.

“Thank you, Sir,” i say softly, and realize i mean it.

His thumb brushes my lips, “You’re welcome,” He says, and i can hear the smile in His voice.

“Sometimes,” He says, “I will have Diana or Selena whip you as well.”

A shiver runs through me, i think i hate this idea, and my pussy clenches, completely confusing me.

“As you know,” He says, toying with the necklace hanging just below my collar, the necklace with the three tokens hanging on it, “We will track any punishment owed to you, and that will be administered at the end of the day, before bedtime.

“Of course there will be rules and requirements, and we’ll talk about those later, maybe even tomorrow.  It’s enough for you to know now that the focus is on obedience.  If you do well, I may allow you to come back and work on service, but for now I just want you to learn to obey.  Is that clear?”

“Yes, Sir,” i say.

“When we talk about discipline,” He says, “Most people think of punishment.  But it also means training, training to correct or mold you, training to perfect your mind  or moral character.  Discipline is control gained by enforcing obedience, by insisting on order.

Is that clear, slut?”

“Yes, Sir,” i say.

“So we’ll regulate your food, and your exercise.  Control your orgasms.  Induce pain, and pleasure.  And we’ll help you meet some of your goals while we’re here.  But more importantly, we’ll work on ways to make sure you maintain that progress when you leave here.”

The door opens ~ Selena and Diana.  Diana grins, “I see she agreed.”

He says, laughing, “Of course she did.  She’s a delightful slut, and now she’s my slut.  Now, take her and get her cleaned up, please.  It’s almost time for dinner.”

“Clothes?” asks Selena.

He has pushed me off His lap and i’m standing, the three of them around me.  He stands too, look me over, considering.  i blush.

“No,” He says, “No clothes.  A corset, maybe.  Yes, a corset.  We’re having guests for dinner tonight.”

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The Major (Part X)

8 Aug

{If you’re just now joining this fantasy, it actually starts here, as “Here She Is” and goes on for a really long time before becoming “The Major.”  But you can probably enjoy it just as much starting here.}

He leads the way into the house, and turns to face me.  “Kneel,” He says.  “As if you were getting into First Position.  Yes, like that, but put your hands out in front of you ~ that’s right ~ lay the switch across both hands, yes, like that, and offer it to me.”

Following His directions, i offer Him the switch.  He takes it from me and whips it through the air a couple of times, making that switchy whistle sound.  My heart races.

“If it’s something like a switch, or a whip, or impact instrument of some sort you’ve offered,” He continues, “then once I’ve taken it, you need to move into Second Position right away, and offer your ass.”

Even as i’m doing it, bending forward so my head is on the ground and my ass raised high in the air, i wonder why i’m accepting this so readily.  Why it’s so easy to follow His instructions.

Why it makes me so incredibly hot to know that He’s going to use that switch on me.  i know it’s going to hurt.  And my pussy is throbbing and aching, juices running down my inner thighs.  

“That’s it,” He says.  “Good girl.  I always like to test an implement.  We’re not going to carry out your punishment right now, I just want to test the switch.”  He leans over to rub my ass gently, stroking it; it makes me shiver, a wave of pleasure running through me.

He laughs.  “No cumming you know,” He says, standing.  Then i hear the switch ~ hear it whistle ~ omigod ~ and it lands on my ass, a sharp, biting sting that makes me cry out.  It is all i can do not to jump up and run.

But i don’t.  i stay in position, whimpering now as the sting spreads through my body, finally dissipating, and i can breathe again.  

Trembling, afraid He’s going to do it again.

The muscles in my asshole have tightened around the butt plug and i’m more aware of that invasive presence.  Sometimes, it seems like it’s just become part of me, that it’s natural to have this thing inside me.  Other times, i’m acutely aware of wanting it out.

“Up,” He says.  “You’ve chosen well.  The punishment will come later, at the end of the day.  Go to the bathroom and remove the butt plug, wash it up with soap and water.  Diana will show you how to clean it more thoroughly later.

“Then come here, we need to work on your life inventory.”

He seats Himself in the recliner, and i go to the bathroom.  With great relief i remove the butt plug, a little disgusted to hear the noises emanating from my asshole as i pull it out.  i wash it quickly, leave it to dry on the sink.  i am relieved that it’s gone ~ and surprised that i feel so empty.

He allows me to kneel at His feet.  First Position ~ back straight, breasts thrust forward, knees slightly parted.  My hands rest, palms up, on my thighs.

He pinches each nipple, hard.

“Tell me about your job, what you’re doing now, and what you want to do.

So i do.  i talk for a long time.  Some of it is good ~ i’m self-supporting, i have a job that helps other people.  i do it well, for the most part, as well as anyone could, i think.  If i’m overwhelmed a lot, i’m pretty sure anyone would be under the same circumstances.

It’s a little uncomfortable to confess how many times i tell myself i’ll do this or that at home over a weekend to get it out of the way, and end up on Sunday night with none of it done.  But i tell Him.

When we move to “what i want to do,” i begin to squirm inside.  There are so many things i want to do, need to do.  And i make so little progress on any of them.

So when He says, “So you’re telling me you have a book half written, and haven’t looked at in months?  That it’s maybe more than a year since you even tried to work on it?” i hang my head.  

“Yes, Sir.” i say.

“And you’re telling me you were looking into a possibility that might get you out of your current job, and you haven’t followed through on it?  Is that right?  That you haven’t managed to send another email?”

i’m really squirming now, i can’t look at Him.  “Yes, Sir,” i say, noticing how small my voice is.

“Well,” His voice is kind, “I guess you spend a lot of time doing things around the house.  What kind of projects have you got going on there?”

And i have to confess, hardly anything.  A basement that needs cleaning out in the worst way, and weeks go by without me doing anything that would be progress.

i tell Him about hours spent on facebook, hours spent looking for new posts on my favorite blogs.  i want to sink through the ground.

“Slut,” He says, “Look at me.”

Reluctantly, i lift my eyes.  Tears threatening to spill over.

He leans forward.  “This is why you’re here,” He says, his voice light, and kind.  “You lack discipline.  No need to be ashamed.  I’m here to help you.”

The tears fall then, hot tears, and He pulls me to Him, lets me rest my head on His thigh, strokes my hair, tugging it gently at the nape of my neck, while i sob.

When i am finished, He hands me a kleenex.  Makes me blow my nose.

“First position,” He says, and i sit back on my knees, arrange my body as He likes.  “Arms up,” He says, and i raise them, hands locked behind my head.

He holds my breasts, stroking and caressing each one.  Pinching the nipples, hard enough that i whimper.  They are still sore from the clamps earlier in the day.

“Discipline,” He says.  “You do so well with direction.  I can see that.  You just need more structure and support.  Do you want that?”

He releases my breasts, sits back.  i am left, open and exposed.   My pussy throbs, so hot and wet.   Nipples ache, and long to be touched.  My asshole is stretched and sore, and yet i want to be filled again.  

“Structure and support?” i say.

He nods.  “For a week, I want complete control of you.  Want you to stay here and give yourself to me. Completely, without reservation.”

He smiles, “Do you agree?”

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The Major (Part IX)

6 Aug

i stand right outside the door, arms up, hands locked behind my head.  i’m embarrassed to be out here naked, but the air feels good on my skin.  Warm, but not too hot, the sun is shining, and there’s just a hint of  a breeze.

The butt plug is uncomfortable, but when i begin to think it’s too much, that i can’t take it, i remember that it’s not up to me, that it’s not about what i want, and this thought arouses me on some deep level that makes the butt plug tolerable again.  There’s no point in fighting any of this.

i decide to enjoy it, the ‘being outside naked’ part of it anyhow.   What difference does it really make?  If this is what He wants, i might as well go for it.

There are lots of trees; i start to look around for a “good” switch.

i’m still standing there, just looking,  when He comes to the door with the trimmers.  “Come on,” He says, and He lets me put my arms down.

He kisses me then, a deep, probing kiss that makes me moan and press myself against Him.  But He steps back.  “Come on, slut,” He says, smiling.

He shows me the different trees ~ points out birch and willow and oak.  “I don’t have any hickory,” He says.  “Hickory would have been nice, just because of the old song.  You know:

Reading and writing and ‘rithmetic,

taught to the tune of a hickory switch.”

i smile, and He nods, “Nice, huh?  But no hickory.”

He shows me what to look for in a good switch, what size and length He likes, and i’m grateful because i would have been lost on my own. 

“It’s important to choose well,” He says.  “The consequences of choosing poorly will be unpleasant.”  A shiver runs through me, and i wonder why this has the power to make me so hot.

We walk a little,  and i enjoy the sun on my body.  He points out switches that are too thick, and ones that are too thin. “

Next time,” He says, “I’ll let you do this on your own.”  The idea terrifies me, and sends a rush of pleasure through me .  i feel my pussy clench and throb.

At last, He narrows the choice down to three switches, and tells me to choose.

i think this will be easy, “i pick ~~” and i start to say ‘this one,’ but it looks too big.  The next ‘this one,” is smaller, but He’s warned me that if it breaks, we start over.  Maybe i should go with the bigger one.  The third one ~ i don’t know, maybe that’s the best one.  But it’s from a willow tree, somehow it looks more vicious.  But that first one ~~ and  i can’t quit thinking about what it will feel like.    i don’t want to choose any of them.

Finally, He says, “If you can’t decide, we can take all three, and triple your punishment.  I don’t mind.  Or cut all three and test them out right now.  That might be fun.  Then you’d have a better idea next time of what all three feel like.”  

He’s smiling, but i’m quite sure He’d do it.

“No, o, no, that’s ok,” i say, quickly.  “i pick, i pick, i pick THIS ONE.”  And i point to the first one, the one that’s too big.  Immediately, i wish i’d picked a different one, but ~~

“Good choice,” He says.  

He hands me the trimmers, and the handles are long enough that i can reach to cut it myself.  i pick it up and start to hand it to Him, but He shakes His head, no.  “We’ll take it inside,” He says.  “I’ll teach you how to present it to Me.”

*************************************

In real life, i went to the munch last night, and had a really good time.  Don’t think i met the DomD (Dom of my Dreams) but had fun, and did meet some new people.  i sat with Ms. Constance, and some people i’d met before.  Bob was there, and it was nice to see him.  

Tonight, after the munch, we’re going to a bar ~ they’re having “kink night” and Ms. Constance is going to do a demonstration ~ i don’t know of what.  Bob had to stir the pot a little and suggested she should use me as her demo bottom, and she laughed and said she’ll keep that idea in mind.

Do NOT ask me if i want her to, i’m very ambivalent about the idea, and on the whole, think i’d rather she use someone else.   But it should be an interesting and fun evening… 

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The Major (Part VI)

2 Aug

i barely have time to register that i look horrible and The Major is there watching me.  Diana leads me into some yoga positions that are not uncomfortable, but ~ ok, well, they stretch me a little bit.  So i’m focused on trying to follow her lead, and not completely embarrass myself in front of them all.

That isn’t easy; this is all unfamiliar to me. But her voice is soothing and assures me that i just need to do what i can.  And then the yoga takes over, and my mind is stilled as i find that place inside myself where i’m centered and everything is ok.

We finish, and i am enjoying the sense of peace, when the clock chimes again.  Diana looks at me expectatntly, and The Major is watching me too.

i’m almost frozen, jarred out of a sense of calm, i become aware of my appearance.  Sweaty, disheveled, nipples and pussy exposed.  And now i’m supposed to pull on my own nipples, in front of Him.  

i want the floor to open and swallow me.

But it doesn’t, and now they are all looking at me expectantly.  i know i need to do it, but i can’t, i just can’t.

The Major leans forward.  “You’re having a  hard time with this?” He asks, and his voice is calm and kind.

i can only nod.

“That’s ok,” He says.  “I guess it’s pretty hard to have to pull on your own nipples, to keep them hard for Me.  That’s ok.  We can talk about that later.  Selena, put the clamps on her, please.”

i make a little noise, i can’t help it.  

“What?” He says, and i shake my head, “But ~ i didn’t mean ~ i don’t need ~ not..”  

He nods.  “Don’t worry.  Anything that’s difficult for you, we can find a way to help you with it.  Now, go ahead and pull on your nipples so the clamps will go on easy.”

i realize that it’s easier to do when i’ve been ordered, although i still feel myself blushing.  i tug on them, and He says, “Harder.  Do you want Me to have to do it?”  

Selena returns with the clamps.  She takes my left nipple in hand, tugs harder, and slips the clamp on.  It looks like tweezers, and she slides the clasp up it until i’m uncomfortable.  

She repeats the process with my right nipple.  

“Pretty,” she says.  “Look.”  She turns me toward the mirror, and i see my nipples, clamped, sticking out of my bra.  It looks like the clamps are designed to keep them fully exposed.  They are already a little more uncomfortable.

“Just five minutes,” says the Major.  “Five minutes out of every 15.  It’s not how long they’re left on that matters, putting them on and taking them off are the ~” he pauses and smiles, “the instructive parts.

“Now that your nipples are being stretched, so to speak, let’ s see what else we can do.  Diana, why don’t you take the slut to the bathroom, and Selena and I will get things ready.”

i don’t want to leave, i want to know what’s going to happen, and “What?” i say it without thinking.  “What are you going to do?”   i am trembling, the clamps hurting more, but i feel better for asking.

He looks surprised.  “What difference does it make?  If you don’t want to do it, you’re free to leave.  You know that.”

“But,” i hang my head, “i just want to know.”

“Of course you do,” He says.  “Diana, would you take her to the bathroom please?  One more minute on the clamps.”

Diana leads me out of the room.

She removes the clamps when we get to the bathroom, and the clamps hurt as much coming off as they did going on.  As the blood rushes back into them, i whimper.

She leaves me alone in the bathroom for a few minutes, which is a relief.  Then she has me remove my shorts, and spread myself over the bidet while she cleans me.   She takes my bra off and wipes me down, getting most of the sweat off. Dries me and rubs a little lotion on.

My hair is a mess, and i use the brush laying on the sink.  It’s not a great improvement, but better than nothing.

“Come on,” she says.  “Time to get back.”

The chimes start ringing just as we enter the room.   Standing in front of The Major, a woman on each side of me, and they’re all looking at me again.

Selena is holding out a different pair of clamps.

“O!” i say, quickly pulling on my nipples.  i think these are clover clamps,  i wonder if they will feel different.

Selena puts them on, and i whimper.   They hurt a lot.

“First Postion,” says The Major, and, distracted by the pain in my nipples, i don’t respond immediately.  He raises His eyebrows, and i realize what He’s said.  

Quickly, i kneel, arrange my body as i’ve been taught.   “Yes, Sir.”

“Very nice,” He says, “Once you got there.  That’s three for being slow to respond, but you get full credit for your posture.” 

Selena is holding a black velvet ribbon, about a quarter inch wide.  She picks up three circular metal pieces, each one has a hole in the middle. She slides them on the ribbon, and then stands behind me to fasten the ribbon around my neck.

i can feel the metal pieces weighing down the necklace, feel them cool against my skin.   

“A reminder,” He says, “of what you have coming.”  

A shiver runs through me.  

“Now,” He nods to Diana, who takes the nipple clamps back off.  Yikes.  

When she’s finished, He says, “Second Position, please.”

i remember to respond, and lean forward, stretching my arms in front of me, raising my ass in the air.

Diana kneels behind me, and i feel her hands part my cheeks further.  Selena joins her and i feel an oily substance, some kind of lubricant being rubbed in the crevice between my cheeks, her finger sliding it into my asshole.

i moan.  It feels good, which surprises me.

Then they both step back, and The Major is behind me.  He is holding something.

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Touch your nipples…yet another fantasy

7 Apr

“Come here,” He says.

Swiftly, i come; i stand in front of Him. 

i am wearing his flannel shirt.  The sleeves are rolled up.  It hangs almost to my knees, but it’s not buttoned.

My pillow is already on the floor in front of  Him. 

“Kneel,” He says.

With grace, i hope, i lower myself to my knees.  In my mind, i hear Master R saying “Posture.”

As i position myself, my knees are spread, my back is straight.  Hands on my thighs, palms up.  But ~

“The shirt,” He says, and His voice is a little stern.  i slip the shirt off in a quick shrug.  It slides off my shoulders easily and pools around me on the floor.

i bow my head slightly in acknowledgement, rest my hands on my thighs, wait for the next command.

As i wait, i am totally aware of Him in front of me.  His jeans, His feet, the belt at His waist – those parts of Him are directly in front of me.

i am totally aware of my body.  My breasts, longing to be touched, the nipples puckering, getting a little hard in the coolness of the room.

My mouth.  i lick my lips. i want to feel my tongue on Him, want to caress Him with my mouth. 

My hands ~ palms tingling, open, defenseless, offering.  i can almost feel His skin under my touch.

My pussy throbs, leaking, juices running, ready for Him to fill me if He chooses.

“Touch your nipples,” He says. 

i don’t want to – i want Him to touch me, i don’t want to touch myself, but a shiver runs through me just at His words, and i obey Him quickly.  It only take a second, one quick moment of hesitation, before my hands move to my nipples.  i stroke each one with a thumb, and ~

“Pinch,” He says.

And i don’t want to, but i do ~ i catch my nipple between the thumb and index finger, and i pinch.

“Harder,” He says.

i knew He would say that.  i do ~ i pinch them harder, til i make myself whimper, and He smiles.

“Release,” He says, and i breathe a sigh of relief.

i notice them then, beside the chair, i notice the flogger.  And the crop.  And the ~ is that the ~

“Eyes here,” He says, and i tear myself away from trying to see what’s lying under the flogger, turn my eyes to Him.

“Curious?” He asks.

“Yes, Master,” i admit.

He smiles, indulgent.  “You’ll find out soon enough.”

i position myself the way He likes, trying to project willingness, trying to offer.  My eyes, and my attention, are on Him.

“Listen,” He says, and i become even more in tune with Him.  “When I tell you to touch yourself,” He says, “I sense some hesitation.  As if you have to think about it first.”

i look down ~ embarrassed ~ yes, of course he would notice.  Sigh a little.  “Yes, Master,” i say.

He shakes His head.  “Look at me.  That’s not what I want.  When I tell you to touch yourself, I don’t want that to be a big deal.  I want you to do it as naturally as you would if the words were in your own head.”

He pauses.  i watch Him intently, listening. 

He goes on.  “When I say, ‘Touch your nipples,’ I want your hand to move as quickly as it would if it were your own idea.   Do you understand?”

“Yes, Master,” i say, and i mean it.

“Let’s practice,” He says.  “When I say it, i want you to touch your nipples immediately, as if it were your own idea.  Pinch them hard, as hard as you can stand, until I tell you to release.  Is that clear?”

“Yes, Master,” i say.

“Tell Me,” He says.  “What are you going to do?”

i don’t know why it’s hard to get the words out, or why the shiver runs through me, or why my pussy is throbbing…

i say, “When You tell me to touch my nipples, i’m going to do it quickly and smoothly, like it was my own idea.  i’m going to pinch them as hard as i can stand, until you say release.”

“Good girl,” He says, and i’m thrilled.   Eager.  i will do this the way He wants.

He leans over, picks up a ~

O, it’s a paint stirrer.  Hmmm.  

He taps each nipple with it, lightly, but it stings a little.  Smacks the side of each breast.

Ouch.

“Touch your nipples,” He says.

i am distracted, i was distracted, but i respond quickly, at least i think i do.  i pinch my nipples, pinching harder and harder, til i can’t restrain a moan.

He smacks my right breast with the paint stirrer.  i whimper. 

Then the left breast.

Ow, ow.

He alternates  sides – once, twice, three times, four, five – the pinching hurts too and i’m distracted by the stinging smacks.

O!  O!

And then, “Release,” He says, and i do.

He taps each nipple with the stick – i watch Him do it – they are already red and sore – O, ouch, ouch, i bite my lip.

“Touch your nipples,” He says,

 ~ and i do it, quickly, touching, pinching – pinching harder, harder – O – “Harder,” He says, “Unless you want Me to help,” which i don’t, so i pinch harder myself, whimpering ~ and he does that thing again with the paint stirrer, slapping each breast.. and i’m pinching as hard as i can and He says,

“Harder,”

~and i do – O!  O! and

“Release,” He says.

Whew, o, yes, o, my poor nipples are sore and red and swollen and ~

O!  He taps again with the paint stirrer, right on my nipples ~ O!

“Touch your nipples,” He says ~

and my hands fly up to touch them, i can’t obey Him quickly enough and i pinch ~

and i know now what’s coming ~ and it does ~ O ~ O ~ damn paint stirrer ~ pinching harder and harder while He smacks ~ til finally

“Release,” He says, and i do, but i know we’re not finished, and we’re not, “Touch your nipples,” He says…

Four times we do it, four times, and there are tears in my eyes the last time, but i don’t think that’s why He stops. 

He strokes my face, His hand on my cheek, His thumb caresses my lips.  i lean into Him, just the least bit.  “Good girl,” He says.  “Do you think you can do it the way i want next time?”

And the tears spill out, just a few, running down my face, “Yes, Master,” i say, “Yes, i can.”

“Good girl,” He says it again, and somehow that brings on more tears.  Not a lot, i’m not sobbing, just tears running down my face, and His hand catches them.

When they stop, He hands me a kleenex.  “Blow your nose,” He says.

i do.

When i have finished, “I want you to suck my cock,” He says.

i smile, i can’t help it, i’ve been wanting to do that all along.  To feel His cock in my mouth, to taste Him, lick him – o, yes.  “Yes , Master,” i say, and i feel so much joy.

“And,” He says, “I’m going to spank you while you’re sucking.  I want your ass stuck out where I can reach it.”

In my mind, i get a flash of that feeling, His cock filling my mouth, my ass thrust out, His hand landing on it ~ or ~

He leans over, beside the chair, beside the flogger, He picks up the crop and lays it in His lap.  Ok, i can take that.  Then, He leans again, under the flogger ~ it’s the risotto spoon.

O.

Yikes.

He raises his eyebrows.  “Is there a problem?”

i shake my head, “Noooooo.  No, Master, no problem.”  i know how much the spoon hurts.  

And i know He won’t harm me.

i smile.  Look up at Him.

“May i begin, Master?” i say.

 

 

 

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Simple Obedience

27 Mar

“Come here” He says.  “I need to inspect you.”

Immediately, i feel my breath quicken, butterflies in my stomach.   i stand in front of Him.

He watches.  Waits.  i am still dressed, but my pussy heats up, moisture puddles in my panties, as i stand there.

Time passes.

i begin to get anxious ~ past excited into nervous.  i dont know how long i wait, maybe just a minute or two, but it feels like hours.  i stand straight, legs apart, about a shoulder’s width apart.  My hands are at my side, and i try not to move them.

His gaze is steady, serious.

At last, “Take your dress off,” He says.   

My heart leaps, i smile with delight.  Yes.  i am ready for this.

Smoothly, i catch some material in each hand, pulling it upwards.  The dress is simple, it slips on and off easily.  Once i can reach the hem, i cross my hands and finish pulling it up, over my head.  Just as i reach the top – my arms outstretched, the dress fully raised over my head,  just about to come off ~~

~~ “Stop,” He says. 

i do, of course, giggling a little.  My body is exposed, i am wearing a lacy half bra and lacy thong. 

“Turn,” He says.  “I want to see your ass.”

Slowly, i turn, a little off balance since with the dress up over my head, arms up, i can’t see, it feels awkward, but i turn.

i pause with my back to Him, at least i think my back’s to Him, but pretty quickly He says, “Good.  Keep  turning.”  

So i do, i turn til i’m facing him again, at least i think i am, with my dress still up over my head and my arms just starting to get tired.

“Good,” He says, and my heart thrills to hear it.  “Finish undressing.”

i pull the dress the rest of the way off.  i slide my bra straps down my shoulders, one at a time.  My breasts are barely covered.  i put my hands behind my back to unhook, which pushes my breasts forward.

“Stop,” He says.  My hands are behind my back, arching me forward.  i freeze in that position.

“Good,” He says.  

He leaves me there long enough that i become aware of my body.  Not just my breasts, but my ass,  With my hands placed on the bra hook, back arched, breasts thrust forward, my ass protrudes in the opposite direction to maintain my balance.  The muscles in my thighs and calves stretch taut to keep me in place.   Just as it becomes uncomfortable ~~

“Good,” He says.  “Take the bra off.”

i unhook, bring my hands to the front so i can peel it away slowly, exposing breasts with nipples already hard.

“Look at your nipples,” He says.  Obediently, i look down.  They seem to get harder. 

“Touch them,” He says.

i don’t know why that’s hard to do, it’s like moving in slow motion.  i know i’m going to do it, but my arms, my hands seem heavy.  Slowly, i raise them, put a finger on each nipple. 

My mouth is dry, my pussy is throbbing.

“Pinch them,” He says. 

A shudder runs through me before i even obey, just His words tug the connection from my nipples to my pussy, and i make a sound.  

“Now,” He says.  “Pinch them.”

So i do, quickly then, of course i do.  And my pussy melts, heats, burns, throbs and aches as i pinch.  i make another sound, it might have been a moan.

“Harder.”

i am slipping, sliding, my mind is sinking into submisison, into that soft, warm space where it all goes away.  Where it is only Him and me in the universe, and obedience is all.

“Good,” He says.   Then, briskly, “Panties off.”

My hands move to my hips, hook my thumbs into the string holding the thong up, begin

          the

                     long

                             slide

down my thighs ~~

        bending at the waist ~~

                                ~~ past the calves

watching His face all the while ~

and with a last push,

   they pool at my feet.

i straighen.   Dainty, i step out of them.  Moving a step closer to Him.

“Good girl,” He says.

Then – with barely a pause – “Show me your cunt.”

i hesitate – i know i do. 

i don’t know what He wants.  Or i do know what He wants and don’t know how to do it.  i want to do it.  i am frozen.

His look questions.  Not angry, surprised; not yet disappointed.  “Show me your cunt,” He says.  Slowly – o, so slowly – i move my hands toward the folds between my thighs.  My legs are already spread a little.  My eyes are on His mouth, i watch Him say:  

“Now.”

And a shiver runs through me.  i want to do it.  i do.  my hands move, they actually come to rest between my legs, on my soft mound – and i stop.  i know this is bad – now i’m actually covering myself.  i think i’m going to do it, i think i’m going to spread my lips, thrust my pussy forward – and nothing happens.

He glances at His watch, and i know i’m in big trouble.

“Spread your legs for Me,” He says, and suddenly i can do that, gratefully, i do.  i spread my legs wider.

“Open your lips for Me,” He says. 

Yes, o, yes, i can do that, i pull my lips back so He can see me, exposed.  Without being told, i push my hips forward as He’s taught me. 

i am so wet.

“Better,” He says.

He glances at his watch again.  “Thirty seconds.  It took you thirty seconds to obey me.  Next time i go away, I’m going to have someone come by and keep you in practice while I’m gone.  Now, turn around.  Bend over, spread your cheeks, and show me your asshole.” 

 

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More about My Weekend with MoR

3 Mar

Some bits and pieces of the weekend –

– we went shopping, returning the clothes that didn’t work – and He helped me pick out some other ones – and, much to my delight, joined me in the dressing room while i tried them on.    i’m not a big shopper, and i hate trying things on, but with Him sitting in the room, commenting and occasionally pinching a nipple, it was a much better experience.  

Hmmm, what else have i not told you that you would be interested in?  You know that He’s sweet and funny and Masterful… and i was His slave for the weekend. 

O –

– Sunday afternoon – we have a last meal together  – and go to his car, which is actually an SUV – and i think He has forgotten that He said He was going to “mark” me. 

No, not with a tattoo or a brand – thank goodness –  but with a marker.  A sharpie, to be exact. 

So we finish eating, and He puts me in the car.  i think we’re driving away.  Instead, He re-parks in a less populated part of the lot.  He says, “Wait a minute.”  Which, since He’s driving, what else would i do?

But He goes around to the trunk, and when He comes back He’s got a bright blue sharpie in hand.

i giggle.  i can’t help it.  The whole idea amuses me – and kind of delights me too.

He opens the door on my side – the door and His body pretty effectively block anyone’s view of me – which is a good thing.  “Come on,” He says, “I want your ass – show me your ass.”

That makes my heart beat faster – omigosh – right here?  i’m wearing sweats now, comfy for the trip home, so i lean over and slide them down – butt in the air and exposed.

Yikes.  In broad daylight.

It tickles, as He writes – and He writes for a while.  It’s not a short message.  

Then – butt slap – and i pull my pants back up.  “What does it say?” i ask.

He grins.  “It says:

This slave is the personal property of {His Name}

i’m laughing too, “Omigod, reallly?” and even though i’m laughing, a shiver runs through me, and it does now too, as i write about it.  

i imagine some ways i could get caught with these words on my ass, and even while i’m hoping that doesn’t happen, i realize i don’t really care…     And –

– this sounds so easy when i write it, and it is almost all easy with Him, but every once in a while i realize how deep into this i’m getting.  You know, here i am exposing my butt in a parking lot in broad daylight.  Without a second thought. 

Yikes.

So what does all this mean?  Am i really a slave?  Is that really different from being submissive? 

Am i really gonna be MoR’s slave?

Who knows… 

i think MoR and i are trying it on at this point, i guess we’ll see…

He told me the marker would rub off on toilet seats all the way home, but that didn’t happen.  Instead, on Tuesday, when i pulled back the covers on my bed, i discovered a big blue area – obviously, right where my butt would be. 

{Laughing}  i don’t know what my housekeeper made of that.   But she didn’t mention it, and that works for me.

So what do youall think?  Is a slave different from a submissive?  If so, how – or why – or why not?   i know this gets talked to death on fetlife, but this is here – and now – and it’s really me we’re talking about…

      

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In a Week…

18 Feb

Last night, BR and i were talking and something happened – i don’t quite know how to describe it – well, ok, i do – last night i was taken in hand.  i don’t mean we suddenly developed  a 1950’s relationship – and don’t expect that to happen – ever.  But He took control, and i relaxed into that quite happily.

You know i love that phrase “taken in hand.”  For me, it conjures images of a firm hand at the reins of a runaway horse, calmly and certainly bringing the horse back under control.   Keeping everyone safe.  Calming the horse too.  And then later, schooling the horse to provide valuable service, to be well-used, rather than running wild.   

It’s funny, because by anyone’s standards, i have great self-control.   But –

We were talking about my anxiety, and He pretty much just said, “Worry time is over, I’m in control now.”  And youall know how it is, something inside me melted.  i felt that promise move through my whole body.

i’ m not worried anymore.  

He said i’d been pushing His limits – and maybe so, but i didn’t realize that was what i was doing.   i think He’d been “giving me my head” to use another horse analogy.   {“not having a contact on the mouth and letting it go where it wants…”} 

And i had been wandering – and getting more and more anxious.   So it feels good that i’ve been taken in hand.

i may not have mentioned this before – BR considers Himself a Master, rather than a”Sir.”  i knew this.  Sometimes, i had the urge to call Him a title of respect, and could have easily called Him “Sir.”  

He was clear that He didn’t want to be called “Sir.”

i’ve hesitated to call Him “Master.”   i wasn’t sure He wanted me to, so it seemed dreadfully presumptuous.  And Master seems so much more intense – i thought i should meet Him before i took that step, if i was ever going to take it. 

Last night, He said i am to call Him “Master”  – that it wasn’t optional.

Do youall know what that did to me?

Yes.  My pussy started throbbing and a shiver ran through me. 

i haven’t felt that way in a while.

It was lovely.

Yes, we both know He’s not actually “my” Master, because that would be a huge committment, and neither of us is ready for that.  But we are trying it on a little bit.

i booked my flight last night.  It’s a done deal.  i didn’t get the “you can cancel and get a refund” ticket, even though there is the remote possiblity that a family emergency could keep me here.   But i’m committed. 

We have a hotel room.   Ok, i have a hotel room – yes, i could still change my mind, and i’d still have a weekend to be there on my own.   But, um, i don’t think that’s going to happen.

He has plans for what toys He’s bringing, some of which He’s shared with me.   i think spankings will be involved. 

i’m not afraid. 

Yes, i will still be cautious, i’ll still do all my safe call stuff.  But it’s going to be fine.  More than fine.

And exactly one week from today – i’ll be there. 

 

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It’s All Fantasy (cont – Part II)

10 Feb

Thinking, thinking, thinking…  It almost distracts me from the fact that i’m standing here naked, in the corner, while He’s behind me somewhere.  Plotting diabolical things to do to me, no doubt. 

Frantically, i try to think of a “consequence” – He doesn’t do punishment, but He sure does “consequences.”   They’re supposed to indelibly print it in my brain that whatever it was i did was such a bad idea that i’ll never do it again. 

Of course, i’m still glowing from the unauthorized orgasm i had, so i’m torn between remorse and satisfaction.  Hard to think of “what needs to happen” to make sure i’ll never do it again…  There’s the obvious, orgasm denial for however long He would think was sufficient.  But that doesn’t seem like such a great idea to me.

A spanking is always good, but He might think i’d enjoy that too much.  And He’s right, unless He clearly makes it punishment, i probably would.  Maybe – nipple clamps?  i quickly, quickly discard that idea too.  That hurts tooooo much.  He rarely uses them, and i like it that way.

Then what?  O!  Writing lines!  That would be excellent!  i’ve never done that before.  It seems like a nice, old-fashioned kind of punishment.  i could write, “my cunt is not in charge,” a couple of hundred times.  Or even, “i will not cum without permission.”  Yes.  i could even add a “Sir.”  “…without permission, Sir.”  That’s a brilliant idea. 

But i better think of another one.  He likes to have a choice.  Of course, i could start out telling Him that just standing in the corner has been a severe consequence already.   Yes, that’s a good place to start.

And as i say that to myself, i realize that it really is.  i’ve been distracted by my thoughts, but actually – standing here in the corner with my face to the wall is pretty humiliating.  As i begin to be aware of it, my pussy clenches.  “Stop that,” i think – “Do you want to get us in trouble again?”  But i can’t help smiling…

OOOO!  His hand in my hair, my head yanked back, “Are you smiling?”  His voice is still low – and harsh.

“O, Sir,” i gasp.  My mouth is dry, heart racing.  i don’t know how He came up beside me like that, i didn’t even sense Him.   “No, Sir – not – um, not really, Sir.”  But of course i was, and i guess we both know it.

He releases my hair.  “Turn around,” He says.

i turn toward Him, anxious now.  “Sir?”

“Come here,” He says.  He sits in His chair, i stand in front of Him.  i expect Him to tell me to kneel, but He doesn’t, so i stand.   Somehow, it seems more vulnerable than kneeling, and i wish i were on my knees.

“Sir, may i kneel?”

But He shakes His head, slightly, but clearly,  He means No.  His gaze is steady, and i’m getting more uncomfortable.   “No,”  He says, “You’ve lost the right to kneel in front of me for now.”

And my heart aches at those words, more than if He’d smacked me.  “What?” i say, hoping i’ve misunderstood. 

“Sit if you want to,” He says.  “But I don’t want you kneeling in front of me.”

“But – Sir -” and now i want to kneel more than anything, feel bereft that i’m not allowed to.

“Go ahead and sit” He says. “We need to talk, i want your full attention.  Get your stool.”  So i do, i sit on my little step stool, my naked ass a little cool on the plastic, my legs a little awkwardly bent up in front of me.  i spread my knees apart, wanting Him to see that i’m open to Him.

“You know,” He says, “This is all symbolic, right?” 

i nod, yes, we’ve talked about this before, but i don’t know where He’s going now.

“Really,” He says, “I can’t – I don’t – force you to do anything, right?  If we have rules and agreements, they’re only as strong as my committment to enforce them and your willingness to accept them.  If I’m not willing to put my energy into enforcing them, they might as well not exist.  But if you’re not willing to submit to the structure, to the discipline, there’s no point in me putting energy into it.”

i am starting to feel – o – i’m starting to feel bad.  He’s right of course. 

He continues, “What were you smiling about?  The truth – no editing.”

i stammer, “i – um, i was smiling because i thought about, um, i thought about the orgasm i had, Sir, i did – and that made me smile, but i’m sorry now.  Really.”

“That’s what i thought,” He says, “that it suddenly seemed amusing that you had an orgasm without permission.”  He shrugs.  “And I guess we could say it’s not a big deal.  What’s one little orgasm, right?”

i can’t answer because now i’m beginning to understand… i shake my head – No.  No, it is a big deal.

“What is this about for you?” He asks.  He leans forward, grasps a nipple, squeezes hard.  “Is it just the thrill of physical pleasure, intensified by a little pain?  Is that all it is for you?”  He releases my breast.

“No, no, Sir,” i say.  “It’s not just that.”  i’m leaning forward, longing to touch Him, but His posture makes it clear – this is not allowed.

“Then you need to think about this,” He says.  “You’re a very independent, self-sufficient woman.  And you’ve agreed to obey me.  I thought I knew what that meant to you, but I’m not so sure now.  Maybe you need to think about it.  In that context, within our relationship, what does it  mean if you cum without permission?   Are consequences even called for?  Why or why not?  And if so, what should the consequences be?” 

“Sir,” i say, and the words are flowing out – “Sir – yes, i do want to obey you, yes, i get it now, of course there shoud be consequences – omigod, Sir -” but He holds up a hand to stop me.

“No.” He says.  “I don’t want some impulsive ‘o, yes, You’re right’ response.  No.  I need to know that you really understand.  This is symbolic, and it’s real.”  He glances at His watch.  ‘It’s 3:00 now,” He says.  “We don’t have to be anywhere this evening, do we?”

“No, Sir.”

“Then I’m going to leave for a while.  I want you to think about it.  Write about it.  Contemplate on it.  I don’t want you to get dressed, I want you thinking about it naked.   Don’t worry about cooking, I’ll pick something up for dinner.   I’ll be back between 6 and 7.  We’ll talk about it then – what this dynamic means to you.  Is that clear?”

i nod, “Yes, Sir.” There are tears in my eyes, but i know He wants to hear it back.   “i’m not going to get dressed, i’ll stay naked and think about our relationship – the dominant/submissive dynamic.  What it means to me that i obey you.  i’ll write about it.  You’ll bring back something for dinner so i can concentrate on my task.”

He smiles then.  “Yes.  That’s right.”

And He leaves.  Leaves me sitting there on the stool, naked, with my legs pulled up under me.  Sitting there with tears in my eyes, thinking. 

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