Archive | February, 2011

The Cock

8 Feb

“Now,” He says, “you may kneel.”

He helps me stand first; i have been bent over the arm of the couch long enough, and spanked thoroughly enough, that i am a little dizzy, a little disoriented.   With one hand in my hair, the other on my shoulder, he helps me to my feet.  It is only a few steps to the cushion on the floor.  He guides me firmly.

Once i’m settled on my knees, He lets go of me and settles himself in His chair.  

“Now,” He says.  “What do you want.”

“Sir,” i say, and i think i’m blushing – i wonder if my face is as red as my ass.  i can feel the heat in both places. “Sir, i want to suck your cock, please, Sir.”  And then, because really, i’m confident that He wants this too, i smile.  “Please, Sir.”

“Yes,” He says.  “You may.  But start with your hands behind your back.”

Pouting just a little, i move closer to him, easily sliding on the pillow under my knees.  i put my hands behind my back.  

His cock is already half hard, as i move my mouth closer to it, i think it twitches a little, anticipating my caress.  i smile at it.   Bend to lower my mouth, when –

“Don’t touch,” He says.  “Not yet.  Just look.”

i stop myself, my mouth maybe an inch away from His cock.   i breathe gently on it, hoping the sensation, the warmth, the touch of my breath will seduce Him into allowing more.

“Wait,” He says, “Wait for permission.”

“Yes, Sir,” i say, surprised that He feels the need to say so.  At this moment, i am completely His to control.  i watch His cock, continuing to breathe on it, and i think about how lovely it is.  The look of it, the slightly musky smell.  i try to focus on what i see and sense, not moving ahead even in my mind. 

i don’t know how long goes by.  It is a little uncomfortable, with my hands behind my back, i am not so well balanced.  But i’m ok, and i wait, quietly concentrating on His cock.  At last –

“Now,” He says. “You may use your mouth.”

i lick first.  Just lick the head of it, which has been so close to my mouth anyhow.  Easy enough to lick, to taste, to feel the skin, so soft.  The cock responds almost immediately, beginning to grow.

i nibble a little.  The head is slick now, it’s easy to move my lips over it.  Open my mouth and begin to pull it into my mouth.   Just the head is in when He says,

“Stop.”

i do – i stop immediately.  i don’t even suck, i just hold my mouth still, encircling the head of His cock.  Savoring it.  Then – not sure that He wants me immobile – i suck a little.  Move my tongue.  He strokes my hair, so i think this must be ok.  After a minute or so, He says,

“Ok.  Good.  You can go on.”

So i do, of course.  i take more of His cock into my mouth, still with my hands behind my back.  He’s gotten quite hard now, as i move my tongue along the shaft, i can feel His vein throbbing.  i focus my tongue on the vein, working my way back up the shaft –

– then licking around the rim, just under it.  His cock keeps trying to slide away from me, and finally, i say, inbetween licks, “Sir?”

“Yes?”

“May i please use my hands?  i think i could please you more if i could use my hands too.”  But i don’t say it all at once like that – it’s broken up by kisses and licks and little sucks, so it comes out “May i please…” pause to suck and lick, “use my hands…” pause – and so on.  i end with “Please, Sir?’

– and to my delight, He says, “Yes, you may use your hands.”

The benefit of that is not so much my hands as that now i can move His cock more easily, place my mouth exactly where i want it.  Eventually, of course, i’ll need my hands too, to create that hot, wet space for His cock to slide through, into my mouth.  But for now, it’s enough to be able to hold His cock, encircling the base with one hand, and licking all around it.

i begin to take it deeper into my mouth, moving rhythmically up and down, sliding it a bit further in each time.  As it begins to hit the back of my throat, i slow down, focus on relaxing my throat, still taking it deeper. 

i let it choke me, gag me a couple of times, and then i back off, licking and sucking around the head.  And i think how much i love this.   

It’s not about getting to the end, although that’s nice too.  But it’s not a race to make Him cum, there’s no hurry.  i could do this for hours, just enjoying, savoring the cock that responds so nicely to my mouth…

Tags: , ,

Just making this up…

7 Feb

“Come here,” He says.

Quickly, i do; i stand in front of Him, waiting for the next direction. 

“You still have clothes on,” He says, looking stern.

“Yes, Sir, i do,” i say, “Would you like me to take them off?”

“Yes, slut,” He says.  “I need to inspect you.”

That makes me catch my breath – “O!” but i don’t stop unbuttoning my shirt.  i try to undress gracefully, slipping out of sleeves, sliding bra straps down…  i wiggle out of my jeans, hook my thumbs into the waistband of my panties, working them down over my hips and thighs.

He watches. 

When i am naked, He looks at me, just looks, until i begin to grow uncomfortable.  i want to cover myself, but i know better.

“Spread your legs,” He says.  i do – i spread my legs shoulder width apart – and still He just looks.  My arms and hands feel awkward, i have the urge to cover myself even more.  My naked pussy is so exposed.

“Spread your lips,” He says.  Again, i gasp – “O,” and i obey a little slowly, not totally wanting to open the lips barely covering my hot, wet clit.    But i do, and that thrusts my hips forward a little as i do it.  Then –

“Hands behind your back,” He says. 

And that’s a relief, because now i have something to do with my hands.  My back curves with the movement, my breasts are thrust forward, my ass protrudes, it takes me a moment to balance completely, with my legs spread wide, pussy exposed.  But i know how He wants me, and i try to arrange myself in the way that will please Him.

He is still watching.  He’s leaned forward in His chair, arms resting on His knees, watching intently.   Like i’m under His microscope.   No sign of approval – or disapproval either, so i take comfort from that. 

i can feel my pussy getting hot, and wet, just standing there waiting.  Vaguely, i wonder how that works.  Why does this turn me on, make my pussy throb?

He stands then, and a shiver runs through me.  i want His touch on my body – anywhere, any kind of touch.  

Thumbs brush my nipples, and honestly, my knees feel weak.  i tremble.  He pinches then, fingers grasping both nipples hard, and somehow that stablilizes me. 

It hurts, o, it hurts, and a sound escapes me.  “Mmpf.”  He raises His eyebrows as if surprised, and i swallow hard, holding back the moan.

Releasing my nipples, He slaps the inside of my thighs, and i spread my legs a little farther open.  

He puts one arm around me, placing His hand on my hands, at the small of my back.  Holding me steady, He smacks my pussy.  Lightly first, then hard, again, harder – O!  i try not to cry out, but –

Harder – 

                 – i can’t hold back, a whimper, a moan escapes me… twice more – hard, stinging blows fall between my legs.  Then –

fingers sliding inside me, sliding deep into my pussy –

“You’re wet,” He says. 

“Yes, Sir,” i gasp – His fingers probe – i feel myself climbing – arousal building – O

“Your cunt is wet,” He says.

“Yes, Sir,” i say, squirming a  little more at His use of that word.

“Why is that?” He says.  “Tell me why your cunt’s wet.”

“Sir – ” i say, i can barely talk for the pleasure running through my body, i’m so aware of His hand on my back, over my hands, holding me steady, and the fingers pressing inside my pussy – “Sir – You’re touching me – Your making me hot – and wet -“

But that’s not what He wants, His fingers slow down, “No, slut,” He says, “I want a full sentence starting with ‘my cunt is wet because…’  Go ahead.  Now.”

And i’m moving my hips, trying to keep His fingers moving deep inside me, when He pulls out and slaps me hard – slaps my pussy, “Now.”  He says.  “My cunt is wet because…”

And i gasp – i want His fingers back soooo bad, and i don’t like that word, He knows i don’t like it – and yet –

“My – my-” and i have to force it out – “My cunt, Sir,” and then it comes easily “My cunt is wet and hot because you’re touching it, Sir!  Because You – um, you smacked it, you smacked my cunt, and that made me hot and wet, and then You put Your fingers inside my cunt, and O, Sir, please, can i have Your fingers back in my cunt, please, Sir?”

He’s laughing then, “Good girl,” but “No, I’m not through inspecting you.  I haven’t even looked at your ass.”

He walks around behind me.  i hold my breath. 

“Your hands – put your hands up behind your neck,” He says. 

It takes me a moment to get it, before i can obey, His hand comes down on my ass, hard.  I cry out, shock more than pain. 

“Now,” He says.  “Hands behind your neck.”

i clasp my hands at the nape of my neck, leaving my ass and back exposed.

“Good girl,” and He rubs my ass where i’m sure it’s already turning red.  His hands spread my cheeks, and i blush, i can feel my whole body blushing.

“Does it make you hot when i smack your ass?” He asks.

“Yes, Sir,” i say, not sure what’s coming next.

“Tell me,” He says.

“It makes me – ” and then i get it, “It makes my cunt hot – it makes my cunt wet – when You smack my ass, Sir.”

“Then I think you should thank Me,” He says, and even though i can hear laughter in His voice, i know He means it.

“Thank You, Sir,” i say quickly.  Quickly because i’ve learned – the hard way – that may lead Him to think He “hasn’t done enough for me to be grateful yet.”  It cost me 10 hard spanks just recently, being slow to respond.

“Bend over,” He says, and –

i hate to – i don’t want to – it exposes my ass, um, my asshole way more than i want, but i don’t delay.  i’m a little off balance with my hands behind my neck, and he holds my breast as i lean forward, helping me stay balanced.

His other hand rests on the inside of my thigh, close to my pussy.  “What’s this?” He asks, His hand gripping my thigh – “you’re all wet here!  What is that, slut?”

“Sir,” i say, “It’s – um – it’s -” and my voice drops, i can’t help it, “It’s me, um, it’s from my – from my cunt, Sir,” and suddenly, it’s ok, that wall inside me breaks open, and i just say it, “O, Sir, it’s wetness from my cunt because you make me soooo hot, Sir.”  And i’m filled with joy because really –

– there’s no shame here – i belong to Him, and of course my cunt is wet, because He wants it to be.  And in that moment, all i want is to belong to Him, to please Him, to feel this rush of delight.  And from deep in my heart, i say, “Thank You, Sir.” 

********************************************************

My facebook quote for the day:

“I am here to seduce you into a love of life; to help you to become a little more poetic; to help you die to the mundane and to the ordinary so that the extraordinary explodes in your life.”
~~  Osho

  

Tags: , , , ,

Imagine…

6 Feb

It’s a text message. 

“Get naked,” it says. 

Because i know it’s better to obey first, ask questions later, i strip off my clothes.  Not much to take off – it’s summertime – shorts and a t-shirt, panties.  i wasn’t wearing a bra anyhow.

Once i’m naked, i text back, “Yes, Sir,”  and then, “What’s up?”

No answer.  i wait, watching the phone, but nothing.  Shrugging, i go back to cleaning up the kitchen.  He isn’t due home for hours, i don’t know why He wants me naked now.  But it doesn’t matter, right?  If He wants it, He gets it.

It’s still a little odd, trying to carry out normal routines while i’m naked.  Can’t help being extra aware of my body.  My breasts exposed, my arm brushes against my nipples, which harden immediately.   i shiver, not from the cold, it’s warm enough in the room.

i’m acutely aware of my pussy, my ass, and the feeling of air on them when i squat to pick up a crumb.  Bending my legs, i feel my ass cheeks open.

“Brrrrp” ~ another text message.  i rush to the phone. 

“I’m on the way” it says.

Quickly, i text back, “Yes, Sir.”  i don’t know how much time i have – He could be half an hour away, He could be turning down our street.

i grab the yoga mat – i’ve started keeping it in the closet by the door for just this occasion.  Unroll it quickly, and kneel, in front of the door.

Kneeling, of course, with my knees spread wide, facing the door.  i set the phone next to me in case there are more messages.

And in a moment – “Brrrrp” and there He is again. 

“Hands behind your back” it says.

i don’t text back – He wants my hands behind my back, and so they are.

i wait.

i don’t know how long it will be, it doesn’t matter.   i am to use this time to think about Him, to consider ways i can please Him.  i can think about things i’ve done wrong too, infractions of rules, times i’ve been thoughtless or not as respectful as i could be, but mostly He wants me to think about pleasing Him. 

With my arms behind my back, my breasts are thrust forward.  Nipples already a little hard.  i think about how He likes to suck on them, gently bite.  The occasional clamps. 

My pussy throbs.  i can feel moisture pooling between my legs.  A trickle runs down my thigh.  My pussy, freshly shaven, wet and hot…

i think about His body, touching him, caressing Him, licking and nibbling on His skin.  The taste of Him.

“Brrrrp”  Another text.  i glance at the phone lying next to me on the mat.  i don’t know what to do.  i can’t check the message with my hands behind my back – i just can’t.  He said hands behind my back, i need to leave them there.

But what if He wants me to check it?

Damn. 

How am i supposed to know?

i can hear His voice in my mind – “Obedience is beautiful,” He says.  He is stroking my clit while He says it,  so the message is reinforced with the pleasure.  When He is pleased with me, there is so much pleasure.  It blurs – pleasing Him and feeling pleasure become the same. 

The phone blips again.  i glance at it.  i know it won’t stop doing that til i check it.  The impulse to check it is almost overwhelming.   But –

– hands behind my back. 

i wait.

 

Things i Miss

5 Feb

     –  Spankings – bending over – that moment before anything happens – the caressing first – His hands rubbing my ass, stroking tenderly – the first stinging blow, landing hard…

     –  His hand in my hair – twisting, tugging – His hand holding it tight at the nape of my neck, pulling me toward Him

     –  Being touched – O – i can’t even remember what it feels like.  Hands on my breasts, my thighs, hands slapping, soothing, rubbing – hands between my legs 

                   –  fingers pinching, probing – fingers entering me, filling me, stretching me…

Sigh.

i miss all those things.

And i miss the words.  The words that “take me down a notch” as First Sir used to say.  Words that make me squirm. 

“Obey.” 

“Discipline” 

“Submission.”   

“Sir.”

“I expect…”

“I want…”

“Listen carefully…”

“Do it now.”

“Good girl.”

Just the sound of the words warms me.   My pussy throbs, aches…

i know. 

Patience.

i am

Waiting. 

     – 

Updates

4 Feb

In response to all those questions about my dictation application yesterday, the answer is yes, I did dictate all that and it didn’t take a lot of corrections, although I can’t figure out how to make it do punctuation. Aside from that it does pretty well. It thought that I said “send” when I said “Sin,” but that’s to be expected

Yesterday I went to my new office and got a copy of the lease. Today I go to get the key. I am so excited I can’t possibly tell you.

Also scared.

This is a huge step for me even though I’m only going to be doing it part-time. Still. I have a office of my own.

And no computer. Oh well. Hopefully, I’ll get it back tomorrow. Or maybe even today.

I’m starting some conversations on fetlife and on collarme and even on my vanilla dating site. Nothing exciting to report yet but I’ll keep you posted.

Tags:

More iphone

3 Feb

My computer is still in the shop so I’m working from my iPhone . Actually I’m dictating from my handy dragon dictation service which is pretty cool.

I didn’t get to respond to comments yesterday because I only had my iPhone to work with but I wanted to get back to Sin at least and let her know that Louisa May Alcott wrote many books besides Little Women and Little Men. Two of my favorites are Rose In Bloom and An Old Fashioned Girl. She also wrote a number of “lurid novels” just like Jo did in the book Little Women. They are all still in print.

So really this is an experiment to see if I can dictate my blog post. But there’s something about sitting down at the keyboard and actually touching the keys that seems to free my mind for more intimate information.

I don’t know that I can achieve that same result dictating.

Maybe tonight after I get through with everything else I have to do I’ll run to the library and type a real post with some excitement.

Have been reading other peoples blogs on my iPhone but am having trouble leaving comments so don’t think that I’ve forgotten you all. And I’ll be back for sure by Saturday.

Tags:

Challenges

2 Feb

What a way to start the day… The cord on my computer is apparently not working so I had just started here when I got the low battery warning. Of course with the wonders of my iPhone it’s not the disaster it would have been But I’m not great at typing on here so it’s gonna be a short post.

In fact, standing here in my kitchen, I can’t think of anything to say. But I have a quote I’m going to try to import. Maybe two ~ from Louisa Mae Alcott, of all people.

“…for a girl with eyes like hers has a will and is ruled only by a lover.”. From The Long Fatal Chase

“To me, love isn’t all. I must look up, not down, trust and honor with my whole heart, and find strenght and integrity to lean on.”
— Louisa May Alcott (Rose in Bloom)

So today I put that out into the universe, with love.

Tags:

Vanilla – can you say…

1 Feb

…Vanilla?

Cause that’s what my date was last night.   Pure Vanilla.   Vanilla Extract.

 He had actually figured out what i meant by my o,so cryptic “enjoy living life on the right side of the slash,” and proved it to my satisfaction by simply saying, “You’re submissive, right?”  Um, yes, right….

So he talked about how he had once dated someone who was submissive, but it didn’t work because he wasn’t “the courterpart of that” and “when they have to tell you how to do it, it just can’t be the same.”  And i agreed, no, it really can’t be.

He proceeded to tell me about his last four relationships, each of which had lasted 4 or 5 months.  Since it had been over a period of a couple of years, i had actually already heard about the first two, that first time we met about a year ago.  But i didn’t say anything.

Then we established that i really wasn’t interested in a relationship without kink.  He was funny, he said, “Yeah, I guess it wouldn’t be the same.  Kind of like a woman who likes motorcycles, and I pull up in a Honda Accord.   It doesn’t matter how good my personality is or how well I drive my Honda Accord, it’s just not gonna do it for her.”

i laughed, and agreed that yes, it is a lot like that. 

So it was a pleasant enough hour, with no real energy between us.   And that’s ok too.  i have all kinds of vanilla things i need to focus on anyhow. 

If there is some Dom out there just right for me – well, it’s just hard to believe that there is.  Donna and ‘Nilla and even JM, the amazing analyst, are holding that hope for me.   Sometimes i think it could happen, but mostly i’m skeptical.  At least, i don’t think there’s gonna be one that lasts.

You know, i don’t regret any of the relationships i’ve had.  i’ve learned and grown from all of them.  Some of them have been relatively short, and some of them have lasted years.  And sometimes i think that’s the path i’m on forever – that i’ll just keep having different relationships, in a never ending series.

Which would still be better than not having any, right?   i guess –

– really, you know, i believe that life is about love.  Learning to love and be loved.  The men i’ve been with have taught me so much about that, even when it wasn’t all good.   Well, of course, everyone teaches us about love, youall as much as men i’ve known, {laughing} just not in the same way, right?

And ultimately, it’s about me becoming more of who i am, discovering how to be who i am more genuinely, more deeply, more intensely.  Which then lets me love more genuinely, more deeply, more intensely.  But then i start to think, well, that means i deserve to have some One, that special just-for-me, forever-and-ever One. 

But it’s not about what we deserve, at least i don’t think it is.  If it were, animals wouldn’t be abused, small children would be protected, and the world would be a better place.   Instead –

– well, here i am, back to accepetance.  i appreciate youall doing this dance with me once again – in a frenzy of wanting, kicking and screaming – to not wanting at all, letting go – to that realization once again – that here i am.  Open and waiting.

There’s a song – and i just spent too much time trying to find a version that i really liked – this is as close as i can get:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3FC8Y_ceTI&feature=related

Don’t start thinking i’m some funamentalist Christian, i’m really not, not that i’m judging anyone who is, but i’m really not.  There’s just something about that song that speaks me.  Cause you know, really, it is – it’s me, it’s me, it’s me, O Lord, standing in the need of prayer…

 

  

Tags: , ,

Newer Entries →