Reality

Sir D will be here Friday!

Yes, that means i’m on orgasm denial starting – now.  Not a bad place to be, with its promise of better days coming soon.  i meant to, you know, take care of myself last night, but was so tired from the previous night that i fell asleep too fast.  That’s unfortunate.  i’ll be strung so tight by the time He gets here that i may cum if He looks at me.

O.  He won’t think that’s a bad thing, will He?      

So i tamp down the excitement and the arousal, pack it tighter.  It’s a process.  Images of Him flash through my mind – Him standing at the door, that first moment, when we are strange to each other.  And the quick shift into the familiar;  yes, i know this man, my Sir.   

i know His hands on me.  Recognze the touch that strokes, twists, pinches, caresses.  That sends shivers through me now, remembering.

i know His face, His expressions.  Tending to serious, intense.  His smile breaks through like – stupid cliches – like sunshine on a cloudy day.  (Yes, you can hum a few bars…)  His smile is inordinately thrilling for me; a reward all by itself.

i think about His feet, and how much i like to rub and caress them.  i like to take His shoes off – i untie the laces carefully, not like my own shoes that i drag off my feet still tied.  i untie his laces, open the shoe so i can slip it off His foot gently.  His socks, not yanked off and left half-balled up inside out.  i slide each one off,  trying to do it smoothly.   Stoke them as i lay them aside.

Sometimes, we talk while i rub His feet.  The motion is soothing and sensual for me.  i can talk freely, feeling less self-concious than i sometimes do when our attention is completly on the words.   And it turns me on, the pleasures of sharing thoughts and caressing Him combined – my body warms, skin tingles, moisture leaks from my pussy. Not a demanding arousal, but a foundation for more passionate intimacy. 

i write these things, and i think, Damn, woman, you’re awfully vulnerable here, aren’t you?   What are you thinking????  It’s crazy enough that you feel this way, why share it with the world?  Why share it with Him?

But that’s the beauty of BDSM and blogs and being who i am in the second half of life.  i don’t understand so many things about D/s dynamics, but i think i get this:  somehow, it makes me safe to give what i have to offer. 

That thought leads me down all kinds of paths – i want to tell you about Mollena, who presented at the BDSM workshop on submission.  i want to share my ideas about giving and receiving, and how i think that works.  And of course, i want to talk more about the experience of being with my Sir. 

All  of which will have to wait for future posts.  my morning routine demands attention.  And –

– i need to put away the longing and the lust.  Half close the door, dismiss the sensations, shake off the spell.  

Sigh.

Two more days…   

Tags: BDSM, Submission