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Spanking: A Fantasy {Part II}

8 Jan

Left in the corner with my pants down around my knees, my back to the room so i can’t see what He’s doing, head to the wall and ass out, i find it difficult to think at first.

i’ve never had corner time before.  Not as a child, and not in a kink sense.  

i can’t believe this is really happening, in a way.  It seems kind of cliché.  How many tines have i read about this in other people’s blogs?  

And now, here i am,  a 55 year old woman, and i’m standing in the corner to think about what i’ve done wrong.  Because i had an orgasm without permission.  Really?

i try to rise above it all.  After all, there are lots more important things to think about.  An unapproved orgasm is hardly a big deal in the greater scheme of the universe.

Right?

But then why am i standing here, pants around my knees, head to the wall, ass out? 

i shift my weight a little, leaning into the wall more.  Yes, it was a rule.  i agreed to it.  Why did i agree to it?

i picture His face. His hands.  Consider the way i feel when i have pleased Him.

i sigh.

i agreed to it because i wanted to deepen the connection between us.  Because i wanted to belong to Him.  i wanted to feel His dominance more strongly.

As those feelings rush back over me, i feel a wave of deep remorse.

i’ve messed up.  Really.  Seriously.  

i couldn’t even follow the simplest rule. 

Good grief, what’s wrong with me?  Did i think it didn’t matter?  

How could i be so stupid?  He’ll think i’m not taking this seriously.  He’ll think i’m just “testing him,” and acting out for attention.  He won’t even want me anymore.  

All that rushes through me, and i’m trying to find some balance, cause i know that maybe this is too extreme, that i’m too upset, i feel like i might cry.  What if i’ve ruined everything?

i want to turn around and say something to Him, want to tell Him i’m sorry, that i’ll never do it again.  i almost do ~ i’m just about to lift my head and turn around ~

~ when i remember ~ He told me to stay here.  

So i stop.  i don’t move.   

Ok.  

i may have messed up before, but i can obey Him now.  

i turn my attention to where i am now.  Focus on my body, the feeling of being in the corner.  The physical sensations.  The nakedness of my bottom.  The slight discomfort of the position.

The fact that my pussy is wet, i can feel my juices on my inner thigh.

Exposed, vulnerable, and controlled.  

i long for His touch, i want Him to come get me and spank me.  i want the punishment to be over.

And i re-focus on where i am now.  Waiting.  Remorseful for disobeying.  Aware of the damage to our relationship.

Was i testing the limits on purpose?  i don’t think so, but maybe.

Cause really, if i have rules and i never break any of them, than how would i know if He was serious about them?  

But i didn’t do this on purpose.  Didn’t know it would feel like this. 

i feel tears building up, and bite my lip hard, blink them away.  i am not going to cry.

My mind is clear now.  i agreed to the rules because they structure our relationship.   i want to belong to Him ~ i want that so much ~ and this is a way to remind me that i do.

And i ignored that.  Blew it off like it didn’t matter.

Sigh…

It’s ok ~ well, it will be ok.  i’ll stand here for as long as He wants.  i’ll accept my spanking, no mater how hard it is. And anything else He wants, i’ll be glad to do it.

This is what i want.

i don’t know how much longer He leaves me there.  i have moved into that space in my mind where there is more sensation than words, more awareness than thought.

So i don’t hear Him come up behind me until He’s there, and i startle a little.  

He puts a hand on my shoulder, fists a hand in my hair, lifting my head.  

“Have you had enough time to think, my pet?” He asks.  “Are you ready to explain to me why we have rules? And why it’s important to follow them?”

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Spanking: A Fantasy

7 Jan

i was reading some spanking blogs last night {because, you know, i didn’t have anything constructive to do with my time…lol}    i don’t usually read strictly spanking blogs, but they are fun.

The discipline-spanking stories really turn me on.  i don’t know why.  But they really, really do.

Imagining my own discipline spanking stirs me too.

i imagine Sir saying, “You did what?”  His voice is calm, surprised, but not angry.

What have i done?  i don’t know ~ this is a fantasy stumbling block for me.  What did i do wrong?  i don’t even want to imagine something really bad.

Ok, i know.  We’ll pretend i have some rules and protocols, which i don’t really.  But let’s say He’s told me ~ o, i know!  i can’t cum without permission.

And i did.  i forgot i wasn’t supposed to.  It’s a new rule, and i was reading spanking blogs, and i forgot.  There, that works.

So i tell Him.  i don’t think it will be a big deal.  i’m kind of laughing about it.  “i wasn’t thinking,” i say.  “So i, um, i kinda had an orgasm.”

But He says, “You did what?” in a tone that makes me nervous.

i look down, i can’t face His him now.  “i ~ i~ started, um, i was touching myself, and um, i got a little carried away, and i forgot i wasn’t supposed to and~~” my words are coming faster, “and i had an orgasm. Sir.”

There is silence.  Without raising my head, i look up.

He has that thoughtful look on His face, looking at me as if He wants to be inside my head, to read my mind.  i feel my heart beating faster.  

“i’m sorry, Sir,” i say, in a little voice.  “Really sorry.”

His voice is warm.  “I know,” He says.  “I know that you’re sorry.”

i start to feel better, but He adds, “Of course, I’ve already given some thought to punishments.  You know, I thought that out before we started having rules.”

My heart rate speeds up more.  Stomach knots up a bit.  He’s already thought about it?  Well, of course He has.  He’s like that.

“You know, ” He says, “I mostly expect you to follow the rules, to be a good girl.  When you’re not, I want to give you something to remember, so we don’t waste a lot of time with the same mistakes.”

“Yes, Sir,” i say.

“So here’s what I’m going to do,” He says, then chuckles, “Or what you’re going to do.  First, let’s do some corner time.  Here,” and He takes my shoulder, His arm is half around me, and He guides me to a corner of the room.  

Next to the fireplace, He places me so i’m facing the corner, my head is right against the wall.  “Keep your head there,” He says.

i feel a rush of humiliation ~ and a rush of pleasure, i can feel my pussy getting wet.

Then His hands are at my waist, tugging my jeans down, my panties down around my knees.  “Open your legs,” He says.

Obedient now, i do, spreading my legs so that my panties and jeans are caught at the knees, so they don’t slide down to pool around my feet.

“Step out a little bit,” He says.  “No, keep your head to the wall, step back so your ass is pushed out.  There, yes.  That’s right.”

“Put your hands behind your back,” He says.  “Yes, like that,” as i bring my hands behind me, clasp them together. 

i am a little off-balance, and discover i am more comfortable if i stick my ass out a little more.  “That’s it,” He says.  “Ass out here, offer it to me.”

Humiliated, and aroused.  

And He knows it, He says, “If I touched your pussy, you’d be wet.  I know that.  But that’s not going to happen any time soon.  You can count on that.”

And my pussy clenches.  

Damn.

“So I want you to think,” He says.  “Just stand here with your pants down, in the corner, and think.  Think about why we agreed to have rules.  Think about why they’re important.  Think about what happened that you forgot about the rule, and how you’re going to keep it from happening again.”

“When I think you’ve had enough time to think it through” He goes on, “I’ll give you a minute to share your thoughts.  Then I’ll spank you.  Hard.  I”m not sure yet what I’ll do after that.  This is our first punishment, I’ll have to see what feels right when we get there.”

“For now,” and i feel His hand on the back of my head, making sure my face is pressed to the wall, “You stand here and think.”

i can hear Him walk away.  Hear the couch as He sits down.  

i begin to think.  What did He say?  i was supposed to think about why we have rules.  Yes….

*********************************

And see ~ i’m not even at the spanking part yet, and i’m all turned on.  What IS that about???? 

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Announcements?

4 Jan

i’m totally on the run again today, in a good way.  i just finished a blog post for a vanilla blog i contribute too, and am feeling good about that.

 i’ve got a date with Sir X tonight, so i’m feeling super good about that.  

My daughter has not had a crisis of any sort for at least 3 days, at least not one that’s required a crisis call to me.  My housekeeper came yesterday so the house is clean, and i’ve done laundry recently, so i have clean clothes.  

I’m not yet running behind on getting ready for work either – how amazing is that?

But i have some announcements to make, kind of like high school, over the speakers.  

First, our friend Sky has had to take her blog private.  If you have been following her, and haven’t gotten an invitation to view the blog, you can contact me privately or in a comment and i’ll pass the information on to her.

Second, i just got this question in a comment on an old post from September 20, 2010, I think.  It said:

“hello – is it just me !! can any one explain why when i type in the Firefox browser “beingaisha.wordpress.com” i get a different site yet when i type it in google its ok? could this be a bug in my system or is any one else having same probs ?
alfies”

Of course i have no idea why that might be, but thought maybe some of you all would know.  For what it’s worth, i tried it on Firefox {which is not my default browser} and it worked fine, but you know, my computer probably comes here instinctively.

Is this the most unkinky post i’ve ever written?  i think it might be.

It was so much fun yesterday, reading your comments and sending them on to Sir, who also enjoyed them very much.  i told Him he was welcome to respond to them if He wanted, but since He hasn’t, i’m thinking He isn’t going to.  Which is also ok.  But he did appreciate them.

There are so many things swirling around me.  Bloggers i’m concerned about, stuff at work, excitement in my vanilla world, my daughter’s pregnancy, things i need to do…

But if i grow very still… and aware of my breathing…  Sitting in a relaxed, alert posture….

When i do that, i find my core, that space where i stand, where i can always be ok.

i’ve been thinking about spankings.  Jake wrote a lovely post about different kinds of spankings, and i’ve been longing for one ever since.

If i stay in that space, where i’m centered and fully myself, the idea of spanking draws me…

i imagine my Sir, His face intent on me, His hand in my hair.

Pulling me down, over His knee.

i feel His body under me.  That bit of discomfort, being upside down, ass in the air.  Settling into His lap.

His hands on me.  One hand holding me still, while He raises my skirt, pulls my panties around my knees.  Strokes my ass.

i want Him to spank me slowly, rubbing in between strokes.  Letting the sting of each hit sink in, hand raised, before He lets another one fall.  

i squirm.  O, yes, it hurts.  

And it makes me wet ~ so wet, just writing about it makes me wet too.

i think i will cut-and-paste this part of the blog to Sir.  This is the kind of fantasy i think He might enjoy… smiling…

And just the thought of it, that intense physical sensation, the connection with Him, keeps me open and centered today.

What a good place to be.

 

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After Starbucks

29 Dec

i’m familiar with this particular Starbucks, i’ve stripped in this bathroom before.  i move quickly.  

Order coffee, hit the bathroom and i’m out of my panties in moments.  Wearing a skirt this time makes it easier than when i was already there in my blue jeans and got the instructions.

The air outside is cool, but not too bad, and my nakedness under the skirt feels right.  i drive quickly, confident i can find His house.

From the driveway, i see the scene is set.

There is the coffee table, the one i was tied to before.  In the center of the table is a sturdy wooden spoon.

My pussy clenches.

O, my.

i ‘m so impressed, i want a picture of it.  It turns out horrible, but here it is:

You can see, we tried to light it without using the flash.  Which didn’t work at all.  

And then i get distracted and don’t care about a picture anyhow.

But you can see what a big, solid spoon that is!  And just the lightest tap leaves marks on my poor butt, as i discover when He bends me over the table, alternates between His hand and the spoon.   

The marks are gone today, but my nipples are still tender from the torture He inflicts on them.  

He’s working on binding my breasts with rope, but when it doesn’t go the way He wants, He stops.  He concentrates on clamping my nipples, pulling and tugging them.

When i moan, comment that it hurts, He raises an eyebrow.  “When i was being nice to this nipple,” He says, looking at the nipple He’s grasped tightly between His thumb and index finger, “You were complaining that this nipple was bored.”  He tugs upward, raising my breast.  “Do you remember that?”

“Yes, Sir…”

“Do you want to go back to that?   i can just leave this nipple alone.”

“No, Sir…” reluctantly i drag the words out.

And He redoubles his effort to squish the nipple completely… while i moan and whimper.

He moves me like a puppet ~ bend here, sit there, open wider…  The Phallus is cold, but not for long.

i am sated before He allows me to please Him.  i am learning the ways that He likes, and enjoy the pleasure He takes in using me ~

til we end cuddled on His couch, His arms around me, my body wrapped around  Him.

Mmm.  So content.

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Just thinking….

11 Dec

Last night, Sir and i had a lovely afternoon interlude, complete with spanking and rope and you know, the usual D/s things we do.  

i turned the fireplace on in the living room so it was nice and warm.  

And He left a welt or two on my ass, although they’re gone this morning.  i don’t know why i don’t get marks that last.  It makes me feel like William’s wife, if you read him ~ The training of my lovely slut.  

For a long time, he ~ William ~ was disappointed because he’d try to leave marks, but they didn’t last.  i guess he’s probably still disappointed, or gave up on that, but he hasn’t talked about it lately.

Anyhow.

i don’t think that Sir X cares a lot about leaving marks ~ i think i might want it more than He does ~ but He does want it. It just doesn’t seem to happen.

i think ~ i don’t want to say this, but here it is ~ i think He’s not doing it hard enough.  “it.”  Um, spanking me.  

Last night was a little bit harder, i think.  Although it’s hard for me to judge, but it seems like it was harder for me to hold still.

So i guess He’s upping the ante a little bit at a time.  That’s maybe my own fault, ’cause i told Him early on in our relationship that if He goes too fast or too hard, i’ll “go away in my head,” which is my term for dissociating.  

While that’s a good survival skill to have, it’s not the way He wants our relationship to work.  Or what i want.

That’s not “going away in my head” like in subspace.  i’m talking about dissociating.  i used to worry a little bit that there wasn’t a difference, until i heard Raven Kaldera speak at COPE.  

You know, the difference for me is that with subspace, the rest of the world disappears and i’m totally in the experience.  With dissociation, i separate from the experience.

Dissociation is a great tool to have for the dentist’s chair.  Not so much in relationship ~ not for my dynamic, anyhow.

And then that brings me back to safety, doesn’t it?  Another turn on the spiral and i’m right back here.

It’s the paradox that fascinates me.  

We feel safe, while we’re doing things that border on abuse.  No, it’s not abuse, but it’s always walking the line, isn’t it?

And we give up feeling safe in other ways.  

Maybe for people who’ve been in a committed relationship for a long time, there’s a constant sense of safety.  But ~~

What do we mean when we talk about our D/M pushing our limits?  Does that feel safe?

Doesn’t matter what your limits are, right?  Having the edges of our limits pushed is scary.  And ~ i’m going out on a limb here ~ we like that.

Don’t we?

i do.  i want to take the relationship further, deeper.  i want to go to greater lengths to please Him.  And i want to be required to do that.

Yikes.

Because somehow, being required to do it, makes it safe.  Makes it safe to give more, to do more, to stretch and test our limits.

And now we’re back to safe ground, and feeling safe, which we also do often.  And we like that too

Isn’t that amazingly cool?

Like a dance with danger, they, our Sir, our Master, our Mistress, lead up into danger, dangle us off the edge of a cliff.   We hang suspended, heart racing, barely able to breathe, we hang there for the interminable moment ~~

~~~ and then They  pull us back to safety, snatching us out of the danger They have just placed us in.

Laughing…  isn’t that interesting?

i think it’s only one of the ways our concepts of safety get challenged.  But enough for today.  

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Mindfulness Payoff

6 Dec

Tomorrow is the 2nd annual kinky virtual cookie exchange, not that the cookies will be kinky, at least mine won’t.  i’m coming home early tonight to bake, so i can post pictures in the morning.  

Baking cookies makes me feel ever so domestic, and might explain my sudden enthusiasm for cleaning and organizing.  My housekeeper comes today, so i need to post quickly and straighten the house.  

i also need to finish a post for a vanilla blog i write for sometimes.  So it’s no wonder i’m not finding a deep thread of kink for this post.  My mind is not very mindful.

Ok, so here we go.  Breathing mindfully now…

Looking for my inner kink…

Ha.  There she is.  Quietly curled up in a corner of my psyche, waiting for my Sir to wake her up.  Like Sleeping Beauty, i suppose.

He has promised that Wednesday night He will make up for not having thoroughly spanked me Saturday night.  Just thinking of that, my kinky self stirs.  Stretches a little.

i know how His hands will feel on my body.  Never rough, never rushed.  Gently, He guides me in the ways He wants.  Moving my body to please Himself.

Not to say He doesn’t inflict pain, He does.  My nipples harden just thinking about it.  My ass tingles.

He says that i will feel the spanking still on Thursday morning.  

That worries me a little.  i have not come close to that, i think He will have to spank me much harder than He has for the sensation to linger that long.

It worries me  a little, and makes me wet, all at the same time, of course.  

As He says, there are things i know will happen, things that are the same, and things that will be different each time we’re together.

i trust that He will bind my hands.  Bind my hands, and pinch my nipples hard enough to make me gasp.  Thinking of it now, a shiver runs through me.

i trust that He will tug on my hair, let me kneel between His legs, let me take Him in my mouth.

He is training me, slowly and certainly.  Teaching me to respond the way He wants me to.

Sometimes, i want more.  More protocol, more rules, more pain, more everything.  i want Him to hurry up and do it all.

Then i remember to slow down.  i’m not in control here, and there is no hurry.  He will take me where He wants me to be.  It is not too hard to do this with Him.  

i am confident that He is taking me somewhere.  Being able to savor where i am is the payoff for mindfulness practice.

Being able to savor the moment, and heightened arousal.  When i  touch myself ~ not the wetness between my legs, but the soft underside of my wrist, my inner thigh ~ when i touch myself there, i feel sensually alert.

And now that my inner slut is wide awake and ready, i feel my palms tingle.  My heart is open, all my senses attentive.  All revved up and ready to ~~~

~~ straighten up my messy house so my housekeeper can clean.

Hmmm.  Not as sexy as i might wish…

That’s ok.  The energy is mine, no matter where i put it.  It builds and grows and Wednesday, it will be His.

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For a While

1 Dec

For a while last night, i was lost in that place where i float happily, removed from everything.

Waiting in Starbucks for His text with instructions ~~

Go to the bathroom and remove your panties.  No pictures necessary this time ~ lol.

And i text back Yes, Sir, but i’m wearing jeans!

and He just laughs, well, that would be your problem, not mine,

like i knew He would.

i think

if He keeps this up, i’ll end up wanting to take my panties off anytime i’m in Starbucks.

That could be a problem.  

But i strip my panties off, put my jeans back on.  The material is cool and a little stiff against my freshly shaved pussy.  

As instructed, i drive to His house, wiggling in my seat a little, trying to keep the inner seam from rubbing against me.

His front door is open, but i can’t see through the storm door ~ it’s cloudy, i think because He has turned the thermostat way up.  He lets me in.

He’s laid out an array of toys, and there’s the new base for the bondage bench, although it doesn’t have the larger board attached to it yet.  But there’s a platform with a towel folded on it and ~

yes, in a matter of minutes, i find myself stripped of clothing, bent over the platform.

Hands tied together in front of me, then attached to the base, so i’m stretched over the platform, feet not quite flat on the ground… legs spread, ass exposed…

He begins with His hand.

Hand, flogger, stingy rope thing, belt is the routine, only tonight, He’s not wearing a belt, and He brings out the canes instead.

Yikes.

They sting ~ O!  They sting so bad ~ so good ~ they get my full attention.  Any stray thoughts corralled and concentrated on my burning ass…

When He’s done, and i’m untied, He moves the coffee table into place and re-ties me ~ spreads my legs, and ties me down again…

Mmmmmmm.  It is bliss, being touched and probed and played with… and then ~

     ~~  on the floor, at His feet, cuddled against Him, hearing His heartbeat ~~

it is bliss.

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My Maintenance Spankings

7 Nov

When Sir X and i first started seeing each other, He very quickly laid down some basic structure for our relationship.   He said, “I know you’re really busy, but we need time to spend together.  I want your Saturdays.”

Of course i said yes.  

Then ~ in that same conversation ~ He says, “Now, i know you like spankings, and that’s good.  But are you the kind who acts up if you want to get punished?  If you haven’t gotten spanked enough?”

And i say, “no, i don’t think so,” and He says, “No, I don’t think you’re like that,” at the same time, and we laugh.

So He says,  “Maintenance spankings.  That way you get spanked regular, we don’t have to worry about it.  I think you need to get spanked once a week for sure.  How does that sound?”

He pauses and looks at me.  i’m nodding, yes i think that’s a great idea.  i wonder if He knows that idea makes me wet.  

But now He’s looking thoughtful.  “Maybe twice a week,” He says.  “Yeah.”  My heart’s pounding, pussy throbbing.   “I think you might need to be spanked regularly twice a week.”

And that’s how it’s been.  

Once a month He has to work on Saturday, so we don’t always see each other that Saturday, but for the most part we do.  If we have something planned, He comes over early to spank me first.  

Well, not the week ‘Nilla was here.  {giggles}  That would have been awkward.  

But for the most part.  And usually there is more than spanking involved.  You know.  Some sexual stuff happens, there are orgasms involved…

And spanking happens.

Hand, flogger, stingy rope, and belt.  Sometimes the canes.  

The canes are wicked.  They bite, raise welts, make me gasp.

i like them.  i know, that’s crazy, right?  But i do.  

When He’s finished, i feel so good.  i feel so submissive, and i want to kneel in front of Him, i want that so much.

And He doesn’t seem to mind.  {smiling…}

Then, before He leaves on Saturday, we figure out what day of the week we’re going to get together next.  This is very reassuring for me.  i like knowing.

Thinking about the spankings makes me tingle, even as i write this.

i don’t know if i would like a maintenance spanking every day.  i might.

He spanks hard.  No doubt about that.  But slowly.  He lets the sting settle into my skin before the next one comes.  

Each one lands, carefully placed.  Whether it stings or thuds, i absorb it, take it into me.  It rolls through me.

Tied to the door, arms above my head, feels different from bent over the couch.  

Either way, it hurts, hurts in a way i embrace.

He has not pushed the limits of what i can take ~ or He has not reached those limits.  If He wanted to, He could do that, and much more, quickly with the canes.  But He doesn’t.  He gives me just as much as i can take.

Then He says, “One more.  Just one more.”

He hasn’t left marks that lasted beyond the next morning.  i want Him to, but it hasn’t worked.  Yet.

Now He’s talking about thuddy implements, which He’s not used so far.  Paddles.  Wooden spoons and hair brushes.  

Yikes.

i know, beyond doubt, that He won’t harm me.  

i know, beyond doubt, that He will make it hurt.

Laughing… and isn’t that just as good as it can possibly be?

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I Did “It”

19 Oct

**  Warning {just for ‘Nilla} ~~  This post may contain references to things that squick you out.  Well, one thing in particular.  Sorry.  A sub’s gotta do what a sub’s gotta do…

So i did it ~ that thing that just a few months ago i couldn’t even imagine doing.  The lifestyle is like that, isn’t it?  

One day i’m going, “You want me to WHAT?” and bursting out laughing ~~ the next, i’m going, “Omigosh, i guess i’d better…”

That’s what happened yesterday.  When Sir X said He was going to do a body inspection, that He would be “probing orifices” and that my ears had better be clean.

My ears.

Like i said yesterday, in my panic post, my ears were the least of my concerns.

And maybe it’s a measure of what this man means to me, my Sir.  Cause i did it, i went out and bought a ~ um ~ a ~

you know, um, an {whispers} enema.

And i did it.

And it wasn’t nearly as bad as i thought it was going to be.  Of course, that was a low bar, cause i had imagined it as pretty incredibly terrible, and it just wasn’t.

So that was good news.  

And i passed inspection -that’s good news also.   {Grinning…}

And i’m not sorry i did it, and yes, i might do it again if i think it’s gonna be important, if you know what i mean…

As for my geography lesson ~ it was a serious geography lesson, and i think He was a little appalled at the depth of my geographic ignorance.  He had asked me a question a couple of days ago about the river’s flow and discovered this huge gap in my knowledge.

So it was a serious lesson, which really does make me anxious, y’all, and i’m slow to catch on and find it hard to remember and just about the only thing worse is if i have to do jigsaw puzzles, which would make me want to just sit down and cry.  But ~ i know much more about the river now, and what it means if you say it’s flowing upstream or downstream.

And my punishment was only a couple of extra licks, that were especially painful, but more so because i knew they were punishment.  i don’t think i even have any two-day welts.

But i thought you might like to see a picture of His portable spanking bench.  He says He should have taken one of me bent over it, but thank goodness, He didn’t.  Here it is.


We put a pillow on it too, so it’s comfortable.  And isn’t that funny?  ‘Cause, can i just say, canes are amazingly painful when you’re bent over one of these, with your arms securely tied and your legs spread. 

And now, i’ve gotta go, cause you already know i didn’t get finished packing yesterday…

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The Hard Rammer

9 Oct

It’s very quiet around here without ‘Nilla.  i miss her already.

But it wasn’t quiet last night.  Sir X and i had play time, and He’d had a whole week to plan…   so the house was full of noises, mostly mine.

Moans of pleasure and pain, whimpers and cries, laughter and  ~ no, not tears, and no screams, but some pretty sharp gasps now and then.  The cane demands a reaction, and he doubled the strokes this time, 6 with each, except the last one, mercifully only three with that one.

And i wonder – will it be 12 with each next time?  Omigosh, that would be an awful lot.  Maybe He stops at 6.   Ok, no, that would be unlikely.  Maybe it will be 9 next time.

And a shiver runs through me.  There are 4 canes, or cane sets, i think ~ or 5?  i have to go back and look at my picture to be sure.  **********  Ok, 4, there are four sets.  Times 6 is 24, and if you know canes, well, that is a lot, i think.

Although, He isn’t harsh with them, he isn’t trying  to harm me, so they sting ~~  o, they sting, and leave welps ~ but i can slide into it, and it is not too much.

He’s brought a spanking bench with Him.  

No, i’m not kidding.  It’s a portable work bench, and i don’t know how He modified it, but He lays a towel across it for padding, fastens my ankle cuffs to the legs, ties my arms as well, before the canes.

We have done our usual ritual of submission ~ the leather collar this time, wrist and ankle cuffs ~ then led to the door, where He’s fastened the rope, my arms pulled over my head, face to the wall first.   Hands pressed flat against it.

Hand, flogger, stingy rope, belt.  That is always the same.

He turns me once, to attach some nipple clamps, new ones, tighter, more painful, with a heavier chain…

But hand, flogger, stingy rope, belt.  That is always the same…

And there is a moment, i think it is between the rope and the belt, before i hear the hisssss of His belt coming off, there is a moment ~~

~~ when i feel so deeply submissive that i ~~ i can’t describe it

~~ it’s so deep and so intense that i totally want to belong to Him, bring on the branding iron, whatever

~~ i want to give myself to Him ~~ at that moment i would do anything for Him ~~ and i’m feeling it so strongly, i have to say it,

only i don’t have a lot of words, so i manage to say, “You have no idea how submissive i feel right now…”

and He laughs and says, “Well, i would hope you do!  You’re tied to the door, naked, with nipple clamps,” and His hand reaches around to pinch my nipples, making me cry out, “and,” He continues, “I’ve been spanking your ass ~ I hope you do feel submissive!”

And i have to laugh too, and i say, “Yes, no, i mean, that’s not quite what i mean, i don’t know what i mean,” cause you know, i lose my words when i’m in that head space,

and He laughs and says, “I think maybe you mean you feel wonderfully submissive?”  and i agree, because yes, for sure i do.

But youall know there is more to it than the pleasure.  Something inside me shifts, something inside me becomes more fully His, not just in that moment, but after too.

And i don’t have the words for it.

Anyhow, that’s not what i was going to talk about today,  i was gonna tell you about the hard rammer, in case you’ve forgotten, it looks like this:

And really, i thought it was going to be toooooo big, i thought it might hurt, i was really a little bit worried, and i was afraid He’d push it too far in and afraid it would just freak me out, but ~~~

um, it didn’t hurt, it was a little uncomfortable just at first, but Six X said He’d had experience with these, and clearly, He had because it was intensely, amazingly wonderful, and He seemed to know just how far and how hard and ~~

O, it was lovely.  🙂

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