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Living Submission

20 Feb

“Some women wait for themselves around the next corner and call the empty spot peace but the opposite of living is only not living and the stars do not care.”
― Audre Lorde

Isn’t that beautiful?

i can’t analyze and explain what it means, but it speaks to me on some level that’s beyond words.

**********************************

His hand in my hair, pulling firmly, gets my attention.  He turns my face up toward Him, i gasp.

“Kneel,” He says ~

and pulls me down as i bend my knees, no grace here, He just wants me on my knees ~

and His cock is ready, right there, sliding back past lips, pressing deep into my mouth ’til ~

it hits the back of my throat and my eyes close, trying to breathe through my nose, relaxing my throat,

“Take it. Take it.”  He says,

and i do,

i take it with pleasure, gagging a little as He presses harder, tears in my eyse

and then

He pulls away,

i gasp

wanting more,

but He is moving me, up to my feet,

He grasps a nipple between thumb and middle finger, on the way by,

pinches, tugs, twists until i gasp ~

then bends me over the arm of the couch, pressing my face down ~

His hand on my ass, rubbing for a second ~

rubbing ~

then it pulls back ~ i feel the pause, know it’s coming ~~~

and it lands ~

a resounding smack that takes my breath away,

followed by another

and another

until my ass is red and my breathing ragged ~~

then ~~

He pulls me up again, pulls me up,

and pushes me down, on my knees,

that lovely cock in my mouth

pushing Himself deep, balls against my face,

His hands find my nipples, pulling, stretching, pinching ~

i can’t whimper, His cock too far down my throat ~

but my pussy clenches and the juices

run down my thighs.

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The Day After

16 Feb

i’m still marveling at all the support there was for Bloggers United for Reproductive Choice, and grateful to Sfp for getting that ball rolling.  i read the comments and was amazed and grateful.  

i think it also kept those feel-good endorphins going in me, so i wasn’t bothered by any morning after let down from my Valentines Day adventures with Sir.

i took the chicken way out and “asked” for what i wanted by sending Him the link to my blog post.  i was a little anxious about that too ~ would He mind that i was using the blog to talk about my hesitation to ask Him directly?  Would He mind that i just linked to the post instead of asking?

But i didn’t have to wonder too long, he emailed back pretty quickly, advising me that He’d be at my house at 7, i should “wear buttons, no need for pants, and warm the house in preparation for being naked.”

i could do that.  🙂

When He arrives, i’m appropriately half-dressed, running around lighting candles.  

We hold each other for a long time.

i gave Him the Valentine Day present i’d gotten Him – a book of some stories by Kurt Vonnegut which hadn’t been published before.   He loved it.   Really loved it.  So that was way cool.

And then He begins.  

He spanks me, and

                plays with me,

                               fists a hand in my hair and makes me kneel.

He spanks me some more… turns me over his knee, playing my ass like it’s a drum.  i laugh and the laughter turns to squeals and whimpers and moans.

Sigh…

It was lovely.  

There were orgasms to our hearts’ content, mine and His, and it was a lovely, lovely night.

{i had more to say, but i accidentally hit publish, instead of preview.  For once it didn’t give me a chance to correct misspelled words ~ apparently there weren’t any!  So maybe this is where it needs to stop…} 

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After Starbucks

29 Dec

i’m familiar with this particular Starbucks, i’ve stripped in this bathroom before.  i move quickly.  

Order coffee, hit the bathroom and i’m out of my panties in moments.  Wearing a skirt this time makes it easier than when i was already there in my blue jeans and got the instructions.

The air outside is cool, but not too bad, and my nakedness under the skirt feels right.  i drive quickly, confident i can find His house.

From the driveway, i see the scene is set.

There is the coffee table, the one i was tied to before.  In the center of the table is a sturdy wooden spoon.

My pussy clenches.

O, my.

i ‘m so impressed, i want a picture of it.  It turns out horrible, but here it is:

You can see, we tried to light it without using the flash.  Which didn’t work at all.  

And then i get distracted and don’t care about a picture anyhow.

But you can see what a big, solid spoon that is!  And just the lightest tap leaves marks on my poor butt, as i discover when He bends me over the table, alternates between His hand and the spoon.   

The marks are gone today, but my nipples are still tender from the torture He inflicts on them.  

He’s working on binding my breasts with rope, but when it doesn’t go the way He wants, He stops.  He concentrates on clamping my nipples, pulling and tugging them.

When i moan, comment that it hurts, He raises an eyebrow.  “When i was being nice to this nipple,” He says, looking at the nipple He’s grasped tightly between His thumb and index finger, “You were complaining that this nipple was bored.”  He tugs upward, raising my breast.  “Do you remember that?”

“Yes, Sir…”

“Do you want to go back to that?   i can just leave this nipple alone.”

“No, Sir…” reluctantly i drag the words out.

And He redoubles his effort to squish the nipple completely… while i moan and whimper.

He moves me like a puppet ~ bend here, sit there, open wider…  The Phallus is cold, but not for long.

i am sated before He allows me to please Him.  i am learning the ways that He likes, and enjoy the pleasure He takes in using me ~

til we end cuddled on His couch, His arms around me, my body wrapped around  Him.

Mmm.  So content.

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Diabolical

27 Nov

i sent Him my poem, just a few hours before He came over last night.  

i got His instructions ~ He was coming here, i should have my mat ready, and wear “panties and buttons,” which clearly means a shirt with buttons and nothing else but panties, instructions that are easy to follow.

He said He wanted to fondle me right away.  It seemed His mind was working on the same lines as mine, so i sent Him the poem.

He may have already planned every thing He did last night, or He may have tweaked it after He got the poem.  In either case, here’s a little piece of what happened.

i’m on my mat in front of Him  ~ He’s on the couch.

The collar is first.  When He attaches the padlock, which lays cold on my chest, i feel that first lovely slip into submission.  Thoughts, worries, the rest of the universe begin to disappear.

“Give me your hands,” He says.  He wraps them in rope, a metal ring in the middle, between my hands. He’ll attach me to the door with this ring later, pull my hands  high above my head, while He spanks me.  

Now He plays with me for a little bit, teasing my nipples, stroking my hair, touching wherever He wants.

Then He gathers my hair, pulls it together into a little ponytail, high on my head.  He fastens it with a coated rubber band.  

My hair is bound tightly.

A short piece of rope is next, wrapped securely, knotted into my hair.  A metal ring is fastened into that as well.  i don’t know if i’m to be attached to something or ~

~ if He just plans to use it to direct me.  A slight tug on the rope moves my head back quite sharply, raises my chin immediately.

i whimper, slipping deeper.

He has me put my hands behind my head.  Tied together, i don’t have to remember to keep them up, they’re quite secure.  Not uncomfortable.

And i’m fully exposed.

Nipple clamps are next.  

They have a metal chain between them, and He’s attached a piece of rope to the middle of the chain.  He has me hold the rope in my mouth while He fastens the clamps.

 i think He’ll have me open my mouth and drop the rope, and the chain will pull, and omg, it’s not tennis shoes, but i’m a wimp about nipple clamps, and i think that will hurt enough.

But o, no.

He has much more diabolical plans.

Yes.  Diabolical.

Once He gets the clamps securely fastened, He pushes my head down so my chin is lower, toward my chest.  Then He adjusts the rope in my mouth so it’s taut.

It doesn’t hurt, i can feel it a little bit, and of course i can feel the clamps, but i’m ok. i’m fine.

Head down, hands fastened behind my head, clamps on my nipples, rope in my mouth, and i’m fine.

He goes on to other things.  

A rope harness for my hips, the rope running between my legs, rubbing against my clit.

He checks often to see how wet i am, and i don’t disappoint Him.  He is pleased.

But at some point, my neck starts to get stiff.  i raise my head to stretch it, with the rope between my teeth, attached to the chain, attached to the nipple clamps ~~ and it pulls.  

It pulls my breasts up by the nipples.

OUCH.

He smiles.

i put my head back down pretty quickly, marveling at how diabolical a plan He’s worked here.  Stretch my neck ~ immediate nipple pain.  Avoid the nipple pain ~ aching neck.

But if i thought i could avoid the nipple torture by keeping my head down, no matter how stiff my neck got ~ which really, i couldn’t have anyhow ~ but even if i could have, it wouldn’t have worked because ~

There is the hair bondage, and the rope attached to my hair ~

~ and He tugs it slightly ~

~raising my chin, lifting my eyes to His smiling face.

“Feel that?” He says casually.

“Mmmpft,” is all i can really say with the rope in my mouth.

“Yeah, I imagine that hurts a little bit,” He says.

“Uh ittle it?” i mumble.

“O, more than a little?”  He asks. 

i grunt “‘es ir, ~ uh ot,” meaning “a lot.”

“Does it now?” He says, tugging a couple of more times before He releases my hair.

“mmmhmmm” is about all i can say.  But i’m laughing at the same time, He’s so calm about it, so gentle.

And then He just casually goes on to other things!  

i lose track of when He lets me drop the rope…  was it when He had me pressed to the door, ass out, spanking me?  i know the clamps were still on, can’t remember if the rope was still in my mouth…

i don’t know.

It doesn’t matter.

He did things to me for a long time, interspersing it all with orgasms, pain and pleasure so mixed…

and thinking about it now,

nipples sore,

my whole body tingling still,

all i want is to do it all over again.

i am a greedy slut.  

And He is a diabolical Dom.

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Following Instructions

23 Nov

He sends them in parts ~ the first one comes as i’m on my way to work.  i’m to text him when i leave work.   He’ll meet me at my house.  i will only need a t-shirt and panties.  

A second message advises me to turn up the thermostat.

O, my.

i text Him about 12:30.  His response says i should have a light lunch.  He’ll be there at 2:00.  More instructions will be sent at 1:30.

O.  My.

At 1:30, i get the next message.  It starts:

“Get the dildo of your choice.  Lie down on your bed.”

It goes on from there, with a string of directions that involve touching myself and pinching my left nipple {not the right one} in a variety of ways.  Cumming is not included.

It ends with me lying on my bed with the dildo inside me,  while i “relax and wait” for Him.  i am to leave the door unlocked, and He will be there between 2:00 and 2:10.  

{Yes, it’s perfectly safe to leave the door unlocked in my neighborhood.  Really.}

So i do it, i do it all, going to the door to unlock it before i get started.  It’s an odd sensation, deeply arousing, lying there all turned on, waiting for Him.  i have chosen Big Blue, my vibrator dildo, because The Phallus is too unwieldy to use myself.

i hear the car door slam.  My heart is racing.  Then ~

~ knocking.  i hear knocking.

Knocking???  Why is He knocking?  i left the door unlocked.

Why doesn’t He just come in?

Why is He still ~~ i know i unlocked ~~ ok, ok ~~

so i get up, dildo still in place, holding it with one hand, i waddle to the door and discover ~

o, yeah.  i had locked it.

i can’t help giggling as i open it, mostly at the sight i must present, with Big Blue held between my legs and, lucky for me, He has a sense of humor ’cause He just shakes His head.

“You locked the door,”  He says.  

“i know, i  know, i didn’t mean to, i don’t know how i did that!  i know i unlocked it, i must have just locked it back when i closed it, it’s such a habit, i didn’t mean to!”  And i’m still half-giggling.

He’s holding His bag and He sets it down in the doorway and kisses me before He adds, “Get back in the bedroom where you’re supposed to be.”

So i hobble back to the bedroom, and in a minute He joins me, still shaking His head.

Also lucky for me, He doesn’t hold a grudge, and He spends the rest of the afternoon playing with me.  Yep.  Just playing with me in all kinds of different ways.  There was spanking and rope and orgasms ~ and i won’t share most of that here, but ~

~ there was the nipple thing.  The thing with my nipples.  The right one being pampered and spoiled, the left one being tugged on, bitten, and pinched.

At one point, He’s twisting it ~ the left one ~ like He does before He pinches it really, really hard, and i say ~ anticipating the pinch ~ “This is going to hurt,” which is what He always says before He does it.  That amuses Him, and He gently corrects me,

“No, I tell you when it’s going to hurt.  You don’t tell me.”  And He’s laughing indulgently.  “See?” He says.  “It doesn’t hurt right? I mean, not really.”

“Right,” i agree, watching Him tug and twist a little more.  He looks at me, pauses, and says ~

“NOW it’s going to hurt.”  And He pinches really, really hard, making me squeal.  Then He adds, “See how that works?  It hurts when I say, not when you say.”   

“Yes, Sir,” i gasp, “i think i get that now.  Yes, Sir.”

So i appreciate that little lesson, as i should.  But as He continues, my poor, neglected right nipple just feels ~ well, neglected.  And of course He keeps talking about it, comparing the treatment each nipple is getting.  

The tender kisses and licks He gives the right one are nice enough, but really, she wants a little pinch too.  So i say that.

Ok, no, i’m not thinking clearly, but you wouldn’t have been either.  So, yeah, i say she wants to get pinched too.  

At the moment i say that, the left nipple is being firmly held erect by a clothespin, so really, i don’t know why i think He’ll give the right one a little squeeze.  A tug.

But no, He starts rooting in His bag.  “Well, since you ask,” He says, “I think I might have another clothes pin in here.  Let me see…”

And i say, “O!  Clothespin?? O ~ i didn’t mean, um ~~” and He looks surprised, “But you said she wanted  a little pinch, and I think I can do that…”

And of course He finds the other clothespin, and the next thing i know, the right nipple is no longer feeling neglected.

Laughing… we had a lovely time, and then we cuddled for a long time too, and talked about all kinds of things.

This morning, both my nipples are a little sore.  Sore and happy.

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What Did It Mean?

14 Nov

So what did it mean – that little fantasy about ‘Nella, {which you must remember really had nothing to do with me or ‘Nilla.}  Sin asked in the comments yesterday.

And that’s what my Sir wanted to know Saturday night, when He had me tied to His coffee table and was interrogating me about it.  One hand on a nipple, the other playing with my exposed pussy, fingers probing and all.

It was kinda hard to think.  Of course, that amused Him.  “I know it’s hard to think,” He says.  “I want it that way.  That’s so you have to say whatever’s in your mind, you can’t filter it.”

Fortunately, i had already thought about it.   After all, i was a little surprised at the fantasy myself.   It had appeared fully developed in my mind, demanding to be written.

Of course, it was partly your fault, and ‘Nilla’s.  You commenters were the ones who suggested that Sir X should have spanked me even though ‘Nilla was here that night.  Then ‘Nilla emailed me that she would have gone for a walk while He did ~ and written a story in her head called “The Spanking” ~

And then, the fantasy appeared.

It’s clearly a sensual humiliation piece.  Being spanked has an element of humiliation anyhow, and being spanked in front of a friend?  Whew.   Ups that ante immensely.

i think of sensual humiliation as something that’s kind of embarrassing, but turns you on, and then you’re embarrassed because it turns you on, and then that’s humiliating, so it turns you on even more and ~ on and on, right?  This story has that ~ and still has it a bit as i write about it.

Also, there’s a strong “being controlled” element that gets me in the fantasy.  When Sir Z points out that alisha has agreed to do what He says when she’s wearing the collar?  Even when He just tells her “wait here” while He gets the bag out of the car.  Very hot, from my perspective.

And there’s an element of objectification.  alisha is not consulted about what’s happening, not asked what she thinks about it.  When Sir Z starts talking about her to ‘Nella, that factor is there.  alisha is just an object to be discussed.

i think i managed to explain some of this to Sir X, as He was controlling and objectifying me there on His coffee table.   He listened carefully.

“So,” He says.  “This sensual humiliation thing, getting spanked in front of a friend would do it, right?”

i agree, or maybe i’m just moaning, it’s hard to say.

“Well,” He continues, “Does it have to be a woman?  Does it have to be a friend?  Could it be a stranger?”

i gasp, “O, um, yeah, no, um, could be a stranger.”

“Hmmm,” He is thoughtful.  “What about 15 strangers?  Could it be 15 strangers?  Would that do it?”

And i don’t know if my “Omigod,” is in response to His hands or His words or both.

“Um, i guess, um, i guess it could,” i stammer.

“Well,” He says, “I guess we’ll have to see when we go to this thing in February, this Winter Wickedness.”

And that was the end of the discussion, thank goodness.

Faithful wanted to know what happened with The Phallus.  You know, tied up as i was on the table, He put it to good use…

AND ~ omigosh, i had almost forgotten this ~ while He was probing my depths, so to speak, He says something like:

“So would it have to be spanking in front of strangers?  Or would something like this count too?  Would it be “sensual humiliation” if I were to do this in front of 15 strangers?”

At this point, my thought processes aren’t quite clear enough to fully register the question, much less answer, i am pretty much reduced to moaning with an occasional, O, mmmm, yes, omigod… o, yes.

And Winter Wickedness is a long way off.  i’m not worrying about that today.  

AND ~ i almost forgot to tell youall ~ as i’m lying there, helpless and exposed, He suddenly shows me this ~ thing ~ these long sticks, two of them, and  He says “Do you remember what these are for?’

i don’t, for a long minute, i know i should, but i don’t ~

Two long sticks, something wrapped around the middle, holding them together, little things at each end, holding them closed there too ~ now what was it…???

~  and then ~ o, then i do, i remember, so i shout it out, feeling all triumphant ~ “For NIPPLES!”

And He smiles sweetly, “That’s right,” and then i realize, o, shit ~ for nipples.  Omigod.

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Tapas – Things i’ve Never Seen Before

22 Oct

The “tapas” at Kinky Kollege were stations set up around the dungeon ~ 14 of them ~ with different kinds of play that people could try.

Sir and i texted back and forth for a while about whether or not i had permission to try anything.  i wasn’t pushing hard for permission, and He didn’t say no.   He ended up telling me to be careful, think before i leaped, and that He trusted my judgement.

There were some things i’d never seen before ~ a vacuum bed.  The person lies down in it ~ naked, or panties only.  It’s like a ~ well, it’s a lot like the body bags that SirTop and slavebonnie had at COPE, except it’s latex.  It has a hole for a tube that goes in the person’s mouth so they can breathe.

Once the person is settled in, lying on the floor, zipped into the bag, breathing steadily, they suck all the air out of the bag.  It’s on the person like a second skin.  Then about three people caress them.

The people who did it seemed to like it a lot.  They said being caressed through the bag was really sensual.

Then i saw needle play.  Master Z, who’s an expert, was pushing needles through one woman’s back ~ you know, they do it like you’d do if you were pinning a hem.  Like this:

 

Later, he was doing it above a woman’s breast.  i was going to show you a picture of what it was like, but all the images were too extreme.  He just did about four needles, in a straight row, and she looked very sub-spacy and pleased.

i saw some flogging, some rope bondage, single tail whips, fire play and violet wands, but wasn’t tempted  by any of that.  In fact, i was feeling kind of off-in-subspace just walking around watching and decided that since i’m by myself, that’s probably quite enough thrill.

But i’ve talked to a bunch of people, been to three classes, bought four books, and tried on a corset.  The corset was half price, but it didn’t fit right.  🙁

Time to change clothes for dinner…

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The Hard Rammer

9 Oct

It’s very quiet around here without ‘Nilla.  i miss her already.

But it wasn’t quiet last night.  Sir X and i had play time, and He’d had a whole week to plan…   so the house was full of noises, mostly mine.

Moans of pleasure and pain, whimpers and cries, laughter and  ~ no, not tears, and no screams, but some pretty sharp gasps now and then.  The cane demands a reaction, and he doubled the strokes this time, 6 with each, except the last one, mercifully only three with that one.

And i wonder – will it be 12 with each next time?  Omigosh, that would be an awful lot.  Maybe He stops at 6.   Ok, no, that would be unlikely.  Maybe it will be 9 next time.

And a shiver runs through me.  There are 4 canes, or cane sets, i think ~ or 5?  i have to go back and look at my picture to be sure.  **********  Ok, 4, there are four sets.  Times 6 is 24, and if you know canes, well, that is a lot, i think.

Although, He isn’t harsh with them, he isn’t trying  to harm me, so they sting ~~  o, they sting, and leave welps ~ but i can slide into it, and it is not too much.

He’s brought a spanking bench with Him.  

No, i’m not kidding.  It’s a portable work bench, and i don’t know how He modified it, but He lays a towel across it for padding, fastens my ankle cuffs to the legs, ties my arms as well, before the canes.

We have done our usual ritual of submission ~ the leather collar this time, wrist and ankle cuffs ~ then led to the door, where He’s fastened the rope, my arms pulled over my head, face to the wall first.   Hands pressed flat against it.

Hand, flogger, stingy rope, belt.  That is always the same.

He turns me once, to attach some nipple clamps, new ones, tighter, more painful, with a heavier chain…

But hand, flogger, stingy rope, belt.  That is always the same…

And there is a moment, i think it is between the rope and the belt, before i hear the hisssss of His belt coming off, there is a moment ~~

~~ when i feel so deeply submissive that i ~~ i can’t describe it

~~ it’s so deep and so intense that i totally want to belong to Him, bring on the branding iron, whatever

~~ i want to give myself to Him ~~ at that moment i would do anything for Him ~~ and i’m feeling it so strongly, i have to say it,

only i don’t have a lot of words, so i manage to say, “You have no idea how submissive i feel right now…”

and He laughs and says, “Well, i would hope you do!  You’re tied to the door, naked, with nipple clamps,” and His hand reaches around to pinch my nipples, making me cry out, “and,” He continues, “I’ve been spanking your ass ~ I hope you do feel submissive!”

And i have to laugh too, and i say, “Yes, no, i mean, that’s not quite what i mean, i don’t know what i mean,” cause you know, i lose my words when i’m in that head space,

and He laughs and says, “I think maybe you mean you feel wonderfully submissive?”  and i agree, because yes, for sure i do.

But youall know there is more to it than the pleasure.  Something inside me shifts, something inside me becomes more fully His, not just in that moment, but after too.

And i don’t have the words for it.

Anyhow, that’s not what i was going to talk about today,  i was gonna tell you about the hard rammer, in case you’ve forgotten, it looks like this:

And really, i thought it was going to be toooooo big, i thought it might hurt, i was really a little bit worried, and i was afraid He’d push it too far in and afraid it would just freak me out, but ~~~

um, it didn’t hurt, it was a little uncomfortable just at first, but Six X said He’d had experience with these, and clearly, He had because it was intensely, amazingly wonderful, and He seemed to know just how far and how hard and ~~

O, it was lovely.  🙂

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So Much to Say…

26 Jul

Some of the comments on yesterday’s post made me think about the drama triangle.  Are you all familiar with the drama triangle?  It may be the most powerful therapy tool i have, and someday, i’m going to write about it on here.  

But first I want to “play catch up” on the situation with Bob.  i’m delighted to say that we’re in complete agreement – we’re friends, and will continue to be friends, with the occasional play date to add a little spice to life.   Neither one of us wants to have an intense relationship with the other – in fact ~~

~~you may not believe this ~~

but he thinks i might be too high-maintenance a sub for his taste.   

i know ~ laughing ~ i thought, “Me????   High maintenance???”  

And then i had to laugh, cause you know, i might be.  

Although, i don’t really want to be kidnapped and controlled, well, i don’t think i do…  But i am an attention slut, this is not news.

Well, plus, as a bonus, he’s going to continue “harassing” me via text message from time to time when i’m at work.  Sheesh….  i was in a meeting with 15 people the other day when i get a text message that says, “Panties off please.”  

It cracks me up now, but at the time, i’m thinking, “WTF?  Really?  Does he really think he can just text me at random times and tell me to take my panties off?”  But obviously he can, and {laughing} i would probably miss it now if he didn’t.

{No, i didn’t go take them off during the meeting, just for the record.  And i was wearing pants anyhow.}

In any case, please be kind to Bob in the comments, because he’s a really good guy.  Not that i’m trying to tell you what to put in your comments, because that would be out of line, right?   But i’m really ok with this casual, light relationship with him.

Which takes me back to Ms. Constance’s class on play.  i think people who play publicly have an exhibitionist streak {and clearly, i have to include myself in that category.}   For the Tops there is some degree of showing their skills in what they’re doing.  

Back when i was involved with Sir D, i was just beginning to learn to be ok with him playing publicly with other people when we quit seeing each other.  It was a stretch for me to recognize that he could play with other people and it wasn’t a rejection of me.  

It became more clear Saturday, listening to Ms. Constance  talk about the value of being able to negotiate for play with a Top.  Figuring out what kind of play you want and with whom, and what you want to happen after the scene is over.  

So theoretically ~ and this used to happen to Sir D all the time ~ someone could see him playing at a party and ask him to play wth her.  She wouldn’t want or expect a relationship with him, she’d just want to  be tied up or have him set fires on her body.  If she had a Dom, Sir D could involve him in the scene too.

i didn’t get that back then.  It’s more clear to me now.  In fact, if i saw someone at a party doing shibari the way Sir D did, i might line up to ask him to play with me too.  

Ms. Constance has that happen too, of course.  People approach her and ask her to play with them – from a birthday spanking to more formal kinds of play.

That’s separate  ~ it can be separate ~ from an ongoing relationship.

Maybe youall already realized all this.   But i’m still learning.  i hope that by the time i go to COPE, i’ll be comfortable with the idea of it.  They do armbands there – so i can wear an armband that lets people know that i’d like to bottom in a scene.

But the point of  this kind of play is not sex.   When i try to describe in my head what it is for me, i get lost.  i’ll have to come back to it.

i started writing about the drama triangle earlier this morning, and was going to include that in this post, but ended up losing the draft that contained it.  Don’t really have the time ~ or the heart ~ to redo it this morning, so it will have to wait for another day.

i haven’t forgotten The Major either.  He’s still lurking in my brain, so expect Him to be back sometime soon too… 

 

 

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Here She Is (Part XVIX) and Some Real Life Too

24 Jul

Just as He begins to get heavy, He rolls off me, His cock slips out of my pussy, leaving me empty and bereft.  i sigh, expecting Him to get up.  Instead He curls against me, pulls me to Him so we lie spooned together.

My back is securely pressed to His chest, my butt snuggled into His groin.  The floor is a little hard, but the carpet is soft.  i can feel His cock, half hard, pressing against me, and i wiggle a little, but just for a second.  His arm lying over me, the heat from His body, keeps me warm.

i listen to His breathing, smiling to myself as the breaths gets slower and slower… feeling myself breathing in rhythm with Him…

…i wonder if we’re going to fall asleep…  if He’ll stay here with me on the floor all night…

**************************************************************

 i hear a woman’s voice.  i’m not sure where i am, and i don’t open my eyes, not wanting whoever it is to know that i’m awake.

“Jeezuz, she could apparently sleep through anything,” the voice says. It sounds like ~ like someone i know ~ who ~

“Well, just spread her legs and let’s get the lipstick off her.” this voice is female too, and i know that voice ~ O!

Of course.

Memory comes flooding back, the night before, My Major, My Master of Darkness…  falling asleep on the floor and~

O, my.  What are they do ~~ O, the lipstick.  Between my legs.  That’s what ~

“I know you’re awake.”  i don’t know, i’m not sure if that’s Diana or Selena, but it’s one of the two.  “I can tell.”

i open my eyes a slit, trying to see without opening them all the way.  i’m on my back, my legs spread wide, and i try to pull them together, but her body – someone’s body – is between my legs, kneeling between my legs, i see then, rocked back on her heels, there is a sheet beneath us and she’s smearing something cold on my pussy.  It’s Diana, i see.  Diana of the brown hair.

“Ahhh.”  i want her to stop, but i’m so groggy, and with her between my legs, i can’t exactly move easily.

“i know you’re awake,” she says again,.  “And that’s fine.  We’re just gonna get this lipstick off your pussy, let you pee and brush your teeth, and put you to bed.”  She’s rubbing me like i’m a floor she’s cleaning, and the cool feeling lotion she’s put on me is warming up under her touch.  i sigh and relax, the rhythm of her touch is more soothing now.

i could go back to sleep.

“Come on,” she says, before i can get too relaxed, “Up.  We’ll get the rest of this off in the bidet.  Careful now.”  She stands easily and she and Selena help me to my feet, make sure i’m steady on them.

“Come on,” she says again, “Let’s get you cleaned up and to bed.  You didn’t finish your inventory with Him yet, did you?’

i shake my head, no, wondering what she and Selena know about that.

“Well, we won’t start your instruction in the morning then, but He’ll be back early to continue, i can promise you that.”

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

In real life, i went to one of Ms. Constance’s classes yesterday afternoon, which was lots of fun.  The topic was “play.”  There were just a few people there, me and several couples, which made it nice, since it was part lecture, part discussion.  Lots of laughter.

It helped me tease out some of the things i’ve been thinking about, about casual play as opposed to a “submit to you all the time, and we’ll play sometimes” kind of relationship.  i’m just working on being comfortable with more casual play, and i think Bob and i are working on figuring out how it works.  If that makes any sense.

And public play is different from private play, although since we’re not having play parties after the munches at this point, i suppose the next time i’ll get a chance at public play will be at COPE.  

i think i came to this backwards, experiencing public play with Sir D first, i think i’m half-spoiled for anything else.

i think i have so many random thoughts floating around my head when i think about “play” that i can’t write a decent post about it yet.  i need to let it settle a bit and sort it out.  Maybe i’ll write about that tomorrow and wait to start ” The Major’s Discipline,” til Tuesday or Wednesday. 

And i’m going to the Fourth Sunday munch tonight, maybe i’ll have things to say about that too.  

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