So there we are, G and i, at the munch, sitting with Ms. Constance and some other people. Ms. Constance is the matriarch of the community here, and an impressive person. i’ve blogged about her before.
Her slave, Drew, is away on a trip and she has someone else with her, also named G, apparently as a fill-in of sorts{?} i don’t ask. But, when she commens that she needs another soft drink, he jumps up to get her one pretty quickly.
But then, anyone would.
G and i have both already eaten – me at the fish fry, of course. So we just chat – O, and he buys a paddle with a heart cut-out. It was a pretty blue paddle.
No, {laughing}he doesn’t end up using it on me.
Anyhow – cutting to the chase here – Ms. Constance did a class on Edge Play, which was interesting and a lot of fun. i didn’t learn a whole lot brand new, but it’s good to hear it laid out so nicely. And she has some stories.
There are probably 40 of us in the class, maybe more. That’s nice too cause it gives the community a frame of reference.
She makes several points.
1. Edge play can be anything that makes us uncomfortable, or makes people watching uncomfortable ~ on edge. General categories of edge play are: breath play, fire play, and knives. Humiliation can be edge play.
Some people would consider golden showers, or brown showers, or rainbow showers edge play. Age play has been considered edge-y, although that’s changing.
2. Edge play for me may not look like a big deal to you, but you may not understand what’s happening. Don’t judge.
3. Edge play for me may look gross and disgusting to you. {Rainbow showers, for example = throwing up. Yikes.} Don’t judge. If you want to feel less judgmental, take a class in it or talk to someone who likes it and try to open your mind to the concept. It still may not be your cup of tea {so to speak} but it may make it less ~ um, icky.
4. There’s a difference between pushing someone’s limits or edge play and confronting a phobia. Leave people’s phobias alone, unless you’re working on it together in some consensual way.
5. “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” is, to quote Ms. Constance, “something the gay guys came up with to make the vanillas go away and leave them alone. They never thought anyone in the community would take it seriously.”
RACK ~ Risk Aware Consensual Kink ~ is the approach Ms. Constance takes, which is what Sir D used to talk about too. It actually makes more sense. After all, if someone’s going to be setting fires on my body, can that really be considered safe or sane?
Of course, my list of the points she made is dreadfully dry and boring compared to the stories Ms. Constance tells as illustration. For example, she tells one about a guy who was tied up and blindfolded ~ actually, many of her stories start this way. But this particular one involved wax play and a wick that ran the length of his cock…
And i can’t do her stories justice.
She engages the audience a lot too, which always makes it fun. You can imagine my shock when she’s talking about humiliation and says, “For example, I might say,” and she looks at me, “aisha, you’re really quite the little slut, aren’t you?”
So i giggle, you know, i can’t help it.
And she says, still watching me, “So then if I get that reaction, i think, O, she’s reacting to that, I think I’ll do that some more.”
i can feel myself grinning, and my face is getting hot. i half-cover my face.
She says, “And if she keeps reacting, then I’m going to keep doing it.”
By which time I’m pretty sure i’m bright red, and Ms. Constance concludes with, “And if i can make her blush, then that’s really good!”
She goes on with the lecture, and there are questions and answers and she makes a final point that i think is really important. She talks about the responsibility of Doms to be careful and take care of the sub. And she talks about our responsiblity too, to take care of ourselves.
So if someone wants to do knife play with me, i may like the idea, AND i need to ask them what experience they have with knife play. If they don’t have any, it doesn’t mean we can’t still play, but i might want to take it more slowly.
We need to be aware of the risks.
We have a responsiblity to let a Dom we’re playing with know if we have any medical or physical conditions. i’m bad about this. i’ll tell you i don’t have any health problems ~ well, i don’t really!
O, um, well, i do take meds for my blood pressure. But it’s a really low dose!
O, and i might have some knee issues…
…and shoulder problems, sometimes.
Yeah.
Probably better not to wait til i’m in the middle of some suspension bondage to admit that.
Beyond that even, subs have a responsibility to make good choices, just like we do in every other part of our lives. As trust builds, we may take more risks of course. We may exchange more power. But if we hand our well-being over to someone else from the beginning, we may end up in trouble. We need to ~ you know, be aware of risks and aware of what we’re consenting to.
Anyhow, G and i left after the class. i saw three or four people i know and really like, so that was cool. i’m going back next month for sure.
AND –
starting next month, on Fridays, they’re going to do some kind of organized thing to encourage people {like me} to play. So they’re talking about letting tops set up areas, like stations, where they can demonstrate their skills and subs can walk around and look and negotiate to play if they want to.
Doesn’t that sound fabulous?
Sigh… of contentment, i think.
i’m back to loving this community, and ready to get more involved.
Tags: BDSM, Fire play, munches, Power Exchange
