aisha

…i bought a Mac.

Really, i did.  And for some of you, that’ll be really exciting!  i bought the MacBook Air, even though one of my friends said absolutely not to buy that.

i got the 11-inch one

But the guy at the store convinced me that it’s new technology, and even though it sounds like it would be less powerful than the MacBook Pro (is that the right name?) it’s really much faster and will have more than enough storage for my needs.  And he demonstrated how much faster it was, and suggested my friend come in and check it out too.

So far, i’m deliriously happy with it.

But some of you probably want to hear about what happened between the coffee and the computer shopping.

You know, like Sfp, i find myself thinking about how youall will react to events in my life, and then realizing how ridiculous that is.  i think i feel like there’s this weight of hope and expectation from youall, and i want to just hurry up and find a nice Dom to settle down with so i don’t let you down. 

How goofy is that?  

i was in a bit of an odd mood anyhow yesterday.  We’ve had some stuff going on at work with some clients that has led to some therapists’ values being clearly exposed.  It’s created  a little tension, and i’ve  gotten a little tired of saying, “There is nothing intrinsically wrong with meeting men on the internet.”    

At the same time, it’s caused me ~ as things like that always do ~ to check my own values.  

“Slut-shaming” we call it, when the goal is to make women feel wrong for expressing their sexuality.  And i’m pretty firmly against it ~ slut-shaming that is, i’m in favor of women expressing their sexuality.  And men too, for that matter.

So yesterday, as i got all tarted up and put on my cfm shoes, i was telling the slut-shaming voices in my head to shut up and leave me alone.   Yes, i was going to this meeting with the possible intention of playing with Sir C.   And that’s ok.  i can do that.

But it put me in an odd head space, i think.  i had mental images of youall thinking, “O, there goes aisha again, off to another ‘adventure,'” and then tsk-ing.   That’s what’s been happening at work, a lot of “tsk-ing.”   And you know, i’m always sensitive to recognizing that the dividing line between me and my clients is pretty much imaginary anyhow.

Ok, so you get the picture, right?  Part of me is wanting to go meet Sir C , to get to know him and maybe to play.  And part of me is all tight-lipped, shaking my head and tsk-ing.  So i told that part of me to shut up, and went ahead with Plan A.

i have taken the good advice youall gave me about being comfortable, so i wear my dress that i bought at a festival last year ~ it is loose and flowing and feels good.

No panties, as requested.

CFM shoes.

And he is waiting, standing beside his vehicle, when i pull into the parking lot.  A distinguished looking gentleman, with white hair and deep brown eyes.

He greets me with a kiss, and that’s nice.  i’m happy to meet him, and i think he is too.  He tells me i’m beautiful ~ so sweet ~ says nice things, and we go inside.

Chai latte with skim milk, that’s what i get.  At my usual coffee place, i get the sugar-free vanilla chai, but they don’t have that at Starbucks.

We have some vanilla conversation.  i already know, Sir C is smart and well-read.  He’s had an interesting life too.  i enjoy talking to him. 

And if there’s still a part of my head that’s not engaged, that’s shaking her head and tsk-ing, i ignore her.

When he tells me to put both feet on the ground, i obey without question, my pussy throbs, and i slip a little into submissiveness.  Which feels really good.

And i realize, as i write this, i don’t want to tell the story this morning.  

Sir C is a nice man, a sweet man.  Clearly, a dominant man, one who can be gentle and firm.  He’s a good man.

And he is not my Dom.  

It kind of broke my heart a little, he’s right for me in so many ways, but he’s not ~ he’s not my Dom.

i told him that, because it’s only fair, and i think he was disappointed too, but we’re still friends, and i hope we’ll be friends forever.

i’m not sure what to do with all this “slut-shaming” stuff i’ve got going on in my head.  Fortunately, i’ve got an appointment with JM, the amazing analyst, next Friday.  Maybe he can help me sort that out. 

i’m way behind on reading OPB {Other People’s Blogs} and answering comments and e-mail, but now that i have a computer again, i hope to get caught up soon.  

i finished this post, and went to find a coffee picture to add to it – and right there in the rows of pictures, i found this too:

Tags: BDSM, relationships