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Settling In

26 Jun

So i’m settling back into being at home, beginning to feel like i might possibly get caught up on the things i’ve neglected.   Sfp will be here before i know it.  i keep having conversations in my head with her – “We could do this… or this…” only ~ since the conversation is only in my head, it just goes in circles.  

And really, we probably need to wait til she gets here before we make a bunch of plans.  

i’m getting some new furniture for my living room, and i’m a little worried.  Well, i’m excited about the furniture, but the chair and couch i have now, which are so well-suited for cock worship and spankings, are going to the basement.  i don’t think the furniture i have in mind will serve that purpose quite as well.

i used to have fantasies about being spanked bent over the arm of my chair, or the couch, long before i was actively involved in kink.  i knew they would be ideal for that. 

i remember getting up the nerve to tell my husband that i would like him to spank me there, that way.  The memory makes me smile, and makes me sad.  

He had his own chair, where i used to sit in his lap, but he took it with him of course when we split up.

My chair has lots of memories for me.  i’ve knelt in front of it so many times.  Been bent over the arm, just like in my fantasies. And now it’s in the “family room” in the basement.  

Sigh.

Of course, lots of people have dungeons or play equipment in the basement, so maybe we’ll just shift the venue  – well, if i ever play with anyone again.

Bob sent me an offer that’s hard to refuse.  You know, Bob is my friend who’s a Dom, who i went to the swingers party with.  

He sent me a message on fetlife, offering to relieve me of my state of  “only getting orgasms solo,” which is certainly considerate of him.  But he also showed me a picture that was pretty enticing.  i wanted to copy and post it here, but couldn’t figure out how to do it, so i’ll have to describe it.

Laid out in a visually appealing spread, i first notice the fucksall, with the lovely blue dildo.  Then the flogger, and the riding crop catch my eye.  Hmmmm.

Rope – 4 pieces of silky looking rope, another – is that another dildo?  O, my, yes, i think it is, and um, a row of clothespins.  More clothespins than any sub could need, ten of them, while i only have 2 nipples.  But it’s an eye-catching arrangement.  Hard to resist.

{Swallows hard}

And maybe i won’t.  Resist, that is.  Maybe i need a play partner for a while.

Thinking about it, i try to shift my image from dedicated sub to playmate.  i don’t know.  i do need to be touched.

i was IM’ing with someone last night who’s also local, who’s also looking for a play partner.  We agreed to  meet at some point soon, although the exact date and time hasn’t been determined.  But i think he mainly wants a third for him and his slave, who he sees monthly.

i don’t know.

i talked to someone else local through collarme  who, as it turns out, was someone i went out with back before my second marriage.  He was very into kink then, and i was at least on the fringes.   Neither of us had any idea about the other.

Where-i-Live is really very small sometimes.

But i’m trying to take the sagest advice of all of you  – to take my time, process things slowly, be kind to myself…

…and maybe let Bob test his new toy on me…    

 

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After the Wait

22 Jul

 i don’t know where to start.  Sated with pleasure, my nipples sore and tender, memories of last night drift through my mind.  i’ll try to pin them down here, but each one connects to another and another…  

Sir D opens his bag of toys and tools.  Floggers, canes, a crop, a paddle – lightly tapping me with each one as i lean over the table watching Him unpack.   “Or I can use my hand,” He says, “Hands are good,” and they are, with my skirt raised, my panties pooled at my feet. 

And the paddle, stinging, each lick followed by a caress, alternating pleasure and pain til it is all pleasure.  I wriggle my ass, wanting more, but He stops.

Nipple clamps, evil looking clamps, and clothespins, but He doesn’t need them, His fingers twist and pinch til i gasp.  “Talk to me,” He says, loosening His grip ever so slightly, “Talk to me.”

“It hurts,” i say.

“Too much?”

“No, no, it’s ok.”  And it is, i’m so wet there should be puddles beneath me.

Like a potpourri of treats, we move on, sampling, testing – until The Rope.  Hemp rope, He says, as He caresses me with it, draping it around my neck, wrapping and tucking and knotting, til quite suddenly He gives a tug and it all tightens – “Oh, my!” i say, surprised.  

And i am bound.  Just my breasts, my upper body, my back.  Bound, not painfully.  Firmly though.   O, it feels like – no, not quite like anything else.  O.

And was it before or after that i tasted Him?  licking and sucking til He moaned, til i knew He was pleased…  Before or after that i knelt?

And then, while i am still bound, He brings out His array of vibrators, small ones, “These are for external use,” He says, displaying each one.  “This one is called a pocket rocket,” He says,  A pocket rocket.  And if you put it here,” tucking it between the ropes around my breasts, “And turn it on, like this,” He smiles, “the ropes will start to vibrate too.”  

And they do, they’re vibrating and i’m tingling, lying on the bed, legs dangling off the side, open, exposing myself to his eyes and touch.  “And,” He holds up another small vibrator, ” If we put this one right here,”  as he places it right there,  “And turn it on…”

The sensation is so intense, i’m whimpering in moments, heat spreading through my legs – i swear my toes begin to curl, i’m not just saying that… and i bite my finger, squirming –

“Don’t!” he says, “Don’t swallow that orgasm!” Then, gently, “Let it go, don’t hold back,” and i realize i am…

…so i begin to let go, and the heat continues to build until i can’t take it anymore…

…and it explodes inside me, shaking me, a true, rock-my-world orgasm – aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. 

Nice.  Very, very nice.  Mmmm. 

So content…

But wait – what’s this – He’s pulling out another one – “This one is for external use too,” He says and – o, my – He’s doing it again – and this time i don’t even hold back……

O. My.  Whew.  Ok.

And only then, He begins to remove the rope.  Slowly.   Deliberately.  Watching me while He does.  i watch the rope snake over my body,  feel it chafe my nipples, caress my belly.  O.  O, my.

He takes a long time unwinding, the rope leaving a trail of marks encircling me.  And when He is done, the last piece of rope removed, we sigh.  i feel –

i don’t know how i feel.  i lie beside Him on the bed, pressed close, feeling His warmth.  i drift a little, fading out and back again,  floating a little.  i sigh.  My skin feels – i don’t know.  i don’t have the words for what i feel.

And maybe i don’t need the words, although i always think i do.  Maybe it’s enough this time to lie still,  floating, drifting, feeling…

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