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Friends

11 Oct

i am a lucky woman.  Even before i met Sir X, which sort of makes my cup runneth over, i was already a lucky woman.

i have a good life.  i live in community with people who care about me and care about each other and care about the world.

Well, i also live in community with people who’ve been dreadfully hurt by people who don’t care about each other or themselves or the world.  Working closely with those people ~ the ones who’ve been hurt ~ deepens my understanding of who we are and what we mean to each other.

Living close to people who know hurt and being allowed inside their world is a gift, and i’m deeply blessed.   i get to watch people go from being so shut down that the only feeling they know is anger, to ~ yesterday, a woman who is writing poetry now.  

She read me a poem she’d written to her mother, expressing all the hurt of her childhood, vowing to make it different for her kids.  She not only read me the poem, she read it in a small group of people.  Three years ago, she would never have believed that could ever happen.

And if sometimes i think i will drown in the emotions around me, it’s ok, i don’t, because the circles of communities around me hold me up.  Like a big old life preserver, they encircle me.

Of course, the blogging community is a huge piece of that, and all of you whom i’ve grown to love.  For me, Mick and Molly, Sin, and ‘Nilla will always be the Big Three in my mind, because they were my first commenters, the “rock stars of the blog world” dropping into my blog… it was such a thrill.

And now i’ve met Mick and Molly, and ‘Nilla, in real life, and i guess that means you’re next, Sin!  

Striving for Peace widened my circle early, back when she was writing on a different blog, in her relationship with Mr. C.  She was one of the first bloggers i connected with outside of the blog through email, and i totally loved meeting her earlier this summer.

For some reason, the memory of being at the Fourth of July picnic with Sfp really stands out in my mind, it was such a peaceful feeling, and i felt so close to her ~ and  i’m hoping she comes back sometime…

And the rest of you ~ i hate to start naming people ’cause you know i’ll forget someone really important, but Kelly, and Sbf, and angel, and HS, and Greengirl, and andi, and jazmine, who used to be ali, and Blue, and Sky, and K, and Faithful, and ewoman, and Jz, and Xantu, and strictnstern, and Tip, and William, and Stephani, and mouse, and so many people ~ and if you’re not on this list, i promise you i’ll be mentally kicking myself in the car on my way to work for not thinking of you at this moment.

But i was thinking about all that, the circles of community and support,  when ‘Nilla was here.  And then when Donna and Bill came too ~ 

sigh…. you already know that ‘Nilla is funny and insightful and bubbly and exciting and kind and compassionate.  Well, Donna is all that too, in her own way, with a heavier dose of sarcasm and cynicism thrown in for spice.  

And Bill is this amazing presence ~ which makes him sound all stiff and stuffy, when he’s not at all.  He’s relaxed and kind and friendly, and sits back and listens a lot before throwing in his own wise and funny perspective…

i think i might be rambling now, ’cause i can’t find the right words.  

Having ‘Nilla here was such a treat.  We chatted and blogged and did stuff and talked about it and blogged and chatted and went did some more stuff…  It was relaxed and comfortable and fun and exciting.

Adding Donna and Bill to the mix just upped the pleasure exponentially.  We already know each other, know deep, intense things about each other, and being together is just incredibly right.

‘Nilla said, at some point early on, something about it seeming a little odd to be meeting people who had ~ literally ~ seen pictures of her naked ass. And yet, she added, it didn’t feel odd or uncomfortable at all.

It was a little bit like this:

“In a true you-and-I relationship, we are present mindfully, nonintrusively, the way we are present with things in nature.We do not tell a birch tree it should be more like an elm. We face it with no agenda, only an appreciation that becomes participation: ‘I love looking at this birch’ becomes ‘I am this birch’ and then ‘I and this birch are opening to a mystery that transcends and holds us both.” 
~~ David Richo

And i’ve got to go get ready for work…  But it’s an experience to be treasured, being in community with people who can share all the aspects of your self, and if you haven’t experienced it before, i hope you do.

 You can always come visit me…  {smiling…}

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A Moment

8 Oct

Last night, at the munch, there is a moment when i look around the room and realize i am perfectly happy.

‘Nilla is on one side of me, Sir X on the other.  ‘Nilla is deep in conversation with Ms. Constance on the other side of her, and her laughter rings out above the horrendous noise level in the room.  

Sir X is laughing too, at something Drew is saying on the other side of Him.  He ~ Sir X, not Drew ~ has His hand on my thigh, and my hand is on His knee.

Across from me are F and T, two of my favorite people, who have just gotten through explaining how the decision making process works when both people in the household are switches.   

And when i put my hand to my throat, i can feel the collar Sir X has brought with Him for me to wear tonight.   Just for tonight ~ it will leave with Him when we get back home.  

Here is what it looks like:

The last time i wore that collar, He’d put a padlock on the rings.  Tonight, he knots the cord to hold it in place, as secure a fastening in its way as the padlock.

And at that moment, at the munch, when i look around the room, i am perfectly happy.

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‘Nilla, Sir X, Ms. Constance, Donna, and Bill…

7 Oct

i’m blogging late this morning, but it’s ok cause ‘Nilla has already done a wonderful (and flattering) job of describing our adventures yesterday over here.   Well, except for the part about my driving, which you should maybe take with a grain of salt.  {Would driving like an Indie pace car be good thing or not?}

And i don’t have a lot of time, cause i have a couple of clients this morning.  Fortunately, Donna and Bill are going to come keep ‘Nilla company while i work.  And since i forgot that i wasn’t going to read ‘Nilla first, before i blogged, i might as well take advantage of that and just add my own commentary.

i can’t tell you how much fun it’s been, watching and listening and talking with this funny group of kinky folk.

Ms. Constance, of course, is always fun, and has a hundred great stories to tell.  More than once, ‘Nilla stops her to say, “You know this might end up on the blog, right?’

Sir X stops by briefly at lunch, then has to go back to work.  

‘Nilla said she’d leave it to me to describe Him, but i know i can’t do Him justice this morning.   There’s an energy between us that flows, but i’ll have to try to capture it another time.

The truth is, i’m a little overloaded this morning.  So many sights and sounds and even sensations.  

Ms. Constance and ‘Nilla, the two red-heads, sitting next to each other in a booth ~ the look on ‘Nilla’s face when Ms Constance demonstrates the way a Domme might order a slave to “Come here.”  Omigosh.

Laughing…

It is amazing to watch Dom’s turn that switch, or do whatever it is they do, that suddenly brings out their Domliness.  If you know what i mean.

And to get to watch several Doms do it over the course of a few days is just ~ well, it’s a treat.  Sir X and Constance, and then last night, Bill.  It’s so cool.

And i feel so scattered today, and i know it’s just from trying to take everything in.  

Donna and Bill last night ~ so much energy in the room.  i was so delighted to meet them, and haven’t really had time to sort my thoughts and feelings out, to process everything.

i need to start a list of things to blog about in the future.  

It’s like – o, i know what it’s like.

Yesterday, ‘Nilla and i went to an exhibit of quilts that reflected Native American traditions and spirituality.  It is a deeply moving exhibit.

They’re not quilts with patterns, they’re “fabric art,” so they’re like paintings done in fabric.

And the exhibit needs to be processed on different levels.  There is the Wow! factor of just walking into it.  The colors and textures that ~ well, that dominate the room, the atmosphere.  i feel wrapped in it.

Then i turn slowly, looking at each quilt.  The figures.  The faces.  Women and babies and owls and grandmothers; swirling purples and deep greens, drums and grandfathers, a leopard, an eagle…

Slowly moving from one to another, trying to take in the emotional energy of each one.

But that’s still just the surface.  i can stop in front of each quilt and spend a long time looking at the detail.  The fabric that comes together in odd and unexpected ways to express what the artist wanted to say.  

The eyes of the mother with the baby on her lap.   Loving and watchful, not focused on the child but scanning the horizon protectively.

The lips, pressed together, of the grandfather.  His mouth expressing the stubborn hurt of a man robbed of his land and his way of life.

With my quilt, the one i bought, i think i will spend years getting to know it and appreciate it.

So, i feel the same way about my experiences this week.  

i am trying to take it all in at the same time.  

Sir X, who is still so new and all, and so important

and ‘Nilla, who’s funny and fun and fascinating,

and Ms. Constance, who’s  entertaining and powerful and thought-provoking,

and Donna, who’s sharp and sweet and curious,

and Bill, who’s quiet but puts out an energy that could become a tsunami…

And all i can do right now is try to absorb it all.  

i try to mentally mark all the things i need to come back to.  Trying to keep up with it…

Just one quick example ~  yesterday, {maybe quoting someone else} Ms. Constance said, “A slave is a Dominant who chooses to serve.”

i am fascinated by that statement, i keep coming back to it in my mind.

Donna describes her experiences with Master R and Mistress Collette at La Domaine, the training château she went to recently.  You know we could spend a week talking about that, and we don’t have a week.  We have a few minutes…

This afternoon, i don’t even know what we’re doing.

Tonight is the munch, i get to see Sir X, and enjoy that whole experience, another set of memories to hang on to long enough to look at them carefully.

And this morning i have clients.

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‘Nilla – Day 1

6 Oct

Normally, i would have already read ‘Nilla’s blog post, and commented on it, but it didn’t seem fair today, since we’re probably writing about some of the same events.

.  So i have no idea how my post and hers will fit together.  But we seem to be sisters for real, so i imagine they’ll flow just fine.

In case you were wondering, her hair is just as red as it appears in her pictures, and she is just as funny as she sounds on paper.  And our minds seem to work along the same lines.

We’ve been busy already.  Yesterday, there were pedicures ~ ahhhh ~ and much giggling as her feet were “tortured” by someone other than her Master.  

Then lunch at my favorite restaurant.  Followed by a trip to a fabric store. i know, that wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but believe me, it is hers. Who knew?

Then we decided to do the ~~~  drum roll ~~~~ Adult Bookstore.  Which, really, i don’t know why i’m calling it the “bookstore” there are no books there.  The toy store.  There, that’s what it is…

FS had generously offered to accompany us on a tour of some of these sites, but when i talked to my Sir about it, He thought we’d have more fun if it were just the two of us.  And, wise man that He is, i think He was probably right, because ~~

Omigod, we laughed til i thought i’d die.  

It was the middle of the afternoon and there was hardly anyone else there, which was a good thing.  We pointed at things and wondered about their uses took pictures and ~ well, you can imagine.

Just for example ~ there was this:

i’m not completely sure what it’s for even now, but on the back of it is a warning.  In essence, it says, “This is a novelty item only, if you use it in any way or on any body parts and it causes harm, that way of using it is prohibited.”

So clearly, if you get hurt using it, that’s not what it was for!  A pretty handy disclaimer, don’t you think?   

But it was downhill from there, and it took a long time to pick out our toys {more about what we picked another time.}

The clerk was laughing at us, um, with us, as we paid for our items.  And he may have quoted from a thing or two we’d said while we were in the other room…  According to him, we weren’t exactly quiet.  

It was a blast.

Then, i dropped off a pair of boots to get new heels on them and we tried on some shoes.  i was smitten with these:

Aren’t they adorable?  And they looked great on me:


 The only problem is that you have to be able to walk more than a few feet n them…  Sigh.

So i {virtuously} didn’t get them.

And then we went to Starbucks, drove home through the park, fixed chili, and had Six X and my family over…. whew.

More on all that some other time.  i want to go see what ‘Nilla posted today…

 

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On your mark, get set…

5 Oct

… Go!  

‘Nilla will be here in six hours,  i still have a ton of things to do to get ready.  Queen of procrastination that i am, i didn’t finish everything last night as i’d planned.  

In just a few hours, Donna and Bill will be speeding toward the corporate headquarters of Under Contract to my Wife for a staff meeting.  Tomorrow, they’ll join us here.

i only wish that Mick and Molly had been able to come too.  Sigh.

Ok, youall know that’s only half true. Really, i wish that all of youall were here!

But we’ll keep you updated… now i’m off to finish my hostess-ly preparations.

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Purring…

2 Oct

Having been stroked

         and petted

                  and caressed beyond pleasure

i fell asleep purring…

And slept way too long.


***********************

Wednesday, ‘Nilla will be here.  i’ m so excited, i can hardly stand it.  i’m beginning to build some structure to our time.

Thursday afternoon, lunch with Ms. Constance.

Thursday evening, dinner with Donna and Bill, who’ll be coming in after a business meeting on Wednesday with their employers and the rest of the staff over at Under Contract to My Wife.  

Friday morning, breakfast with Donna and Bill.

Friday night, the munch with me and Sir X and 50 or so other kinksters (still wishing we could talk Donna and Bill into staying for it!)

So much to look forward to ~ but for now, i need to take my still tingling body and start my day.

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Settling In

26 Jun

So i’m settling back into being at home, beginning to feel like i might possibly get caught up on the things i’ve neglected.   Sfp will be here before i know it.  i keep having conversations in my head with her – “We could do this… or this…” only ~ since the conversation is only in my head, it just goes in circles.  

And really, we probably need to wait til she gets here before we make a bunch of plans.  

i’m getting some new furniture for my living room, and i’m a little worried.  Well, i’m excited about the furniture, but the chair and couch i have now, which are so well-suited for cock worship and spankings, are going to the basement.  i don’t think the furniture i have in mind will serve that purpose quite as well.

i used to have fantasies about being spanked bent over the arm of my chair, or the couch, long before i was actively involved in kink.  i knew they would be ideal for that. 

i remember getting up the nerve to tell my husband that i would like him to spank me there, that way.  The memory makes me smile, and makes me sad.  

He had his own chair, where i used to sit in his lap, but he took it with him of course when we split up.

My chair has lots of memories for me.  i’ve knelt in front of it so many times.  Been bent over the arm, just like in my fantasies. And now it’s in the “family room” in the basement.  

Sigh.

Of course, lots of people have dungeons or play equipment in the basement, so maybe we’ll just shift the venue  – well, if i ever play with anyone again.

Bob sent me an offer that’s hard to refuse.  You know, Bob is my friend who’s a Dom, who i went to the swingers party with.  

He sent me a message on fetlife, offering to relieve me of my state of  “only getting orgasms solo,” which is certainly considerate of him.  But he also showed me a picture that was pretty enticing.  i wanted to copy and post it here, but couldn’t figure out how to do it, so i’ll have to describe it.

Laid out in a visually appealing spread, i first notice the fucksall, with the lovely blue dildo.  Then the flogger, and the riding crop catch my eye.  Hmmmm.

Rope – 4 pieces of silky looking rope, another – is that another dildo?  O, my, yes, i think it is, and um, a row of clothespins.  More clothespins than any sub could need, ten of them, while i only have 2 nipples.  But it’s an eye-catching arrangement.  Hard to resist.

{Swallows hard}

And maybe i won’t.  Resist, that is.  Maybe i need a play partner for a while.

Thinking about it, i try to shift my image from dedicated sub to playmate.  i don’t know.  i do need to be touched.

i was IM’ing with someone last night who’s also local, who’s also looking for a play partner.  We agreed to  meet at some point soon, although the exact date and time hasn’t been determined.  But i think he mainly wants a third for him and his slave, who he sees monthly.

i don’t know.

i talked to someone else local through collarme  who, as it turns out, was someone i went out with back before my second marriage.  He was very into kink then, and i was at least on the fringes.   Neither of us had any idea about the other.

Where-i-Live is really very small sometimes.

But i’m trying to take the sagest advice of all of you  – to take my time, process things slowly, be kind to myself…

…and maybe let Bob test his new toy on me…    

 

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Looking Forward…

8 Jun

i’ll get back to my story, probably.  For the moment, just imagine me sitting there, still naked, composing my essay on the five reasons spankings are good for me.  

Hand-written, He insisted.  Neatly, in my best writing.  At least a paragraph explaining each reason.

Sigh.

In the meantime:

Sfp from Jumping On In, is definitely coming to visit me, right here inWhere-i-Live, 4th of July weekend.  i expect it will be a mostly vanilla visit, with maybe a munch or two thrown in.

Our local dungeon is having some zoning problems, so i’m not sure if the munch will be there or not.  But i know there will be a munch somewhere, and if Sfp wants to, we’ll be there.  

 

i’m excited.  Since i’m big on planning, i’m already sending her lists of things we could do.  

In other news, i registered for C.O.P.E.  The 2 day kink event in Ohio.  So i’m going.  For sure.  

It’s not til September, so that gives me plenty of time to worry about it.

i might not have done it if i couldn’t hear youall making those squawking chicken noises in the background.  What?  That wasn’t youall?

O.

Ok, i guess it was me.

…laughing…

But i’m committed now.  So if any of youall are going, let me know ~ i’d love to see you there.

Even in the midst of grief and loss and sorrow, life goes on.   Sin, i’m thinking of you too, in light of the tragic death of your friend and boss.  i know i’ve quoted from this before, but it seems particularly apt today.  

“Then a woman said, “Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.” 
      And he answered: 
      Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. 
      And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. 
      And how else can it be? 
      The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. 
      Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven? 
      And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
      When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. 
      When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. 
      Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.” 
      But I say unto you, they are inseparable. 
      Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. 
      Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
      Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced. 
      When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.” 

~~ Kahlil Gibran

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Guess What!

23 May

Remember a while back, when it became obvious that we couldn’t find a time for the bloggers convention that would work ~ that not enough people could get together at the same time to make it happen?  And remember, i said if individual bloggers wanted to come visit, i’d love for them to?

Somebody {it might have been Sin, but i’m not sure} was laughing about it being a new career for me, doing kink tours here in Where-i-Live, remember that?   Well…

It’s going to happen.  

Nooooo, not the new career part ~ you know my plate’s full as far as work goes.  No, a blogger is going to come visit me.   Fourth of July weekend. 

{Doing a happy dance…}

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that this is not the first blogger to step out of the computer into my real life.   Last November, Mick and Molly came to a munch and play party with me and Sir D.  M & M munch.  It took me 4 days of blog posts to describe the experience.  And that doesn’t count the build-up ahead of time. 

Lately, i’ve talked to a couple of bloggers who live in the state i’ll be in on my vacation.   You know, being in the same state doesn’t necessarily equal close, but we’ve looked at trying to work out a way to meet.   That’s still a possibility that would be great fun.  

But this is one of my subsisters that you probably already know, and she’s coming to visit me!  {Have i mentioned how excited i am?}  So guess who it is!  Go ahead, guess!

Give up????

 It’s Sfp, over at Jumping on In.

Yep.

How cool is that?

She’ll be here on a “first weekend of the month,” so we can go to the munches and play parties if she wants to ~ although of course we don’t have to.   

{Happy sigh}

Ok, it’s gotten late while i’ve been sitting here pondering ~ well, not actually late, just late for me .  Now that the world didn’t end on Saturday, i need to get caught up at work before vacation.

18 days til vacation.

37 or 38 days til Sfp visits.  

Not trying to wish my life away – in the meantime, today will be an adventure worth living all by itself!



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