Archive | January, 2013

A Lick and A Promise

11 Jan

Which is kind of what i got last night.  Not an actual lick, but He stood behind me, pressed me tight against Him, tortured a nipple, and let me go.  Smacked my ass and told me to come to bed.

“Yes, Sir!”

…only just as things were about to get interesting, an important vanilla interruption trumped the whole thing.  

Damn.

The interruption was a pleasant enough thing itself, but by the time it ended,  we were both half asleep.

Sigh.

So this morning, i’ve been questioning Sir about His ideas for a training school.  He says that He thinks most training school fantasies have some things in common – like a big isolated building, helpers that greet you and tell you what to expect, put you at your ease.

He says that there’s usually some ceremony where you leave the trappings of society behind – whether that’s by entering it naked, or some other means.  And that of course, you’re in a controlled environment, where your options are limited

As far as goals – each person’s would have to be individual and He’d have to research it and put some energy into figuring out what it would look like, but in any case, as a Dom his ideas just need to appeal to him, not to someone else.   Which is certainly true.

Maybe Doms aren’t interested in training schools overall?

i’ve been thinking about my goals though – if i were going to a training school, what would my goals be? Of course, whatever Sir wanted, but beyond that?  

{You’re waiting, aren’t you, for me to say something profound here?  Um, don’t hold your breath.}

i have no idea.  What i need is to be more together in my vanilla life, or maybe i don’t, maybe how i am is just fine and i just need to keep plugging along.   Maybe my mindfulness practice will never be what i think it should be, maybe ‘what it is’ is as good as it gets.

Maybe i’ll always be a procrastinator, and maybe that’s ok.  

Or maybe Sir will bring more structure to my life.  Who knows… stay tuned for further developments.

{This post is also a lick and a promise ~ mwhahahahahaha….}

Service

10 Jan

i can’t tell you how much i enjoyed our exchange in the comments yesterday!  i got involved in other things at the end of the day, but it was so much fun, and if other folks have comments to add, please do it!

On a whole different note, some young friends of mine recently had a baby who decided to come a bit early.  The baby’s still in the hospital, although doing well and expected to go home soon.  

To my delight, they included me in the group of people they asked to help them make sure the baby had support at the hospital, so these last couple of days, i’ve had the privilege of rocking and feeding this teeny-tiny baby.  Soooo sweet.

i’m pretty sure this makes me Aunt aisha, right?

Anyhow, he down side of that has been that i haven’t been getting home until late ~ well, late for me.  Not after midnight or anything crazy, but after 10:30, late for me.

And the downside of that is it means Sir has been on His own a couple of evenings, with lots of time to plot and scheme dastardly, Domly deeds.   There is no telling what’s in store for me, particularly since – between him being sick and then me being sick and other life interruptions ~ it’s been forever and a day since we did anything kinky.

Ok, maybe not forever and a day.  But a really long time.

Anyhow.  Where was i?  O, yes, the dangers of Doms left alone…

Also, because of all these life events, i haven’t been doing any more sanding.  But i came home to discover that Sir had been shopping.  We now have:

IMG_1930

Yes, it is Howard Feed-N-Wax, and that’s what i’ll be lovingly rubbing into my paddle.  Sir shopped very carefully before He chose this one because, as He reminded me, that paddle will be slamming against my skin, and we need to be careful what i come in contact with.

Yea, the irony of that doesn’t escape me either.

i have a late night at work today, so it will probably be more days before i even get to use our new, super-duper wood polish and conditioner, much less experience the effects of the paddle.

But i’m a patient girl, i am, so i’ll wait.  And in the meantime, i guess i’ll go work on new ways ro train fiona.  And o, yeah, the rest of you too.

2 ~ fiona’s Fun

9 Jan

They lead fiona to a bathroom , make her sit on the toilet first, and she would have protested, but she can still hear Sir Q telling her to be quiet.  Then they make her use the bidet, and they wash her.

She can’t believe this is happening.  How odd, to feel their hands touching her in the most intimate places.  She’s torn between feeling a bit indignant and wanting to giggle.

‘Do you think we should shave her?” asks one of them.  Elena rubs her hand over fiona’s pussy consideringly.  “Feels like she’s shaved within the last couple of days”  Indignant, fiona thinks, “no, i shaved today, when i showered before we came here!”  

But Elena goes on,  “I think not.  We will before she’s presented tomorrow,” she says.  “Not tonight.  Tonight they can see her as she is.”

Hearing this, fiona feels quite insecure.  She almost wishes they would shave her tonight, but then, no, she really doesn’t want them to.  It’s very confusing, having this mix of feelings inside herself.

They wash her feet and her face, brush her hair.  At last, all cleaned up, they lead her back through several rooms and down a hallway.  Her hands are still fastened behind her back, and they guide her gently so she doesn’t lose her balance.

She’s a bit disoriented, walking back through these rooms and down the hallway naked.  She can’t quite believe this is happening to her, but it is, and one minute she’s thrilled, and the next she’s scared to death.

They stop at the entrance to another room, and Elena produces a simple blindfold, like you might wear at night to block out the light.  She puts it over fiona’s eyes.

For a moment, fiona panics, a rush of anxiety, and she starts to protest, “No ~ i ~ ” but she discovers that the darkness is a gift.  She no longer feels self conscious about her nakedness, it’s as if she’s invisible, and that’s a good feeling.  

Hands stroke her arms, soothing ~ “as if i were a horse,” she thinks.  Elena murmurs, “It’s ok, darlin’, your Master will be here.  You trust Him, don’t you?”

And what difference would it make now if she didn’t? fiona wonders.  Blindfolded, arms fastened behind her back, she can hardly escape if she wanted to.  She has no control here, and all she can do is hope that Sir Q knows what he’s doing.

The women lead her into the room, and she has no idea who’s there.  But they help her kneel on a pad on the floor, and she’s secretly thrilled to be made to assume the position she’s always read about.

Knees spread, rocked back on her heels.  She wishes she could have her palms turned up, resting lightly on her thighs, but this is a variation she’s heard of, since her hands are fastened behind her back, thrusting her breasts forward.  

She smiles to herself.  “It’s like i’ve got a checklist,” she thinks, “and i’ll be checking to see if they’re doing it right!”

“Pinch her nipples, please,” a male voice ~ not Sir Q ~ says.

Someone ~ who is it?  Probably Elena, but she doesn’t know whose fingers pinch and pull at her nipples.  The sensation shoots through her, directly to her pussy, and she makes a noise.  A little, tiny noise.

“Very nice,” says the strange male voice.  fiona hears movement around her, disconcerted, she wonders what is happening.  She’s moving back into a kind of panic, but every time she thinks she will have to do something or explode, she remembers that she is helpless, and that Sir Q is here.  That this is what He wants, and she’s able to calm herself.

But then the voice is behind her, and He  says, “Expose her please.”  

Hands ~ someone’s hands ~ push her head down, holding her firmly with a hand on her neck.  This effectively raises her ass.  She can feel cool air on her pussy and her mind sort of freezes.

This is really happening.  She doesn’t know who’s touching her.  And their hands caress the insides of her thighs.    Move up and spread the outer lips of her pussy, and then fingers penetrate her and she gasps.

Suddenly, the checklist disappears, and she feels herself slipping away into some other space.  

“Sir?” she says, bewildered.  “Sir?”

Someone laughs.

***************************************

So Lady P’s comment yesterday cracked me up ~ in case you missed it, she says:

Not fair, aisha! *stomps my foot* I asked to go there first! Why does Fiona get to go and not me? (whiny voice)

I guess I’ll just have to queue up with the others… *Pouting*

grins
LadyP

And then Fondles responds to that:

actually, i was in the queue too, along with everyone else… and i didn’t see Fiona there at all… is there some special VIP line? hrmph.

All of which left me literally laughing out loud ~ and led to a lovely fantasy in which many of us are there at the same time.  Can you imagine?

Fifty Shades, Vagina, and More…

8 Jan

No, you can’t have fiona every day, i’m sorry.  Life is not all about training schools and good times.  {Laughing…}  But she’ll be back, i think she has a thing or two to learn about obedience.

But then don’t we all?

i finished 50 Shades of Grey ~ yes, light years after everyone else ~ and i only bought it cause it was on the counter of the used book store and i had money left on my gift certificate ~ but still, now i have things to say about it.

i liked it.  No, really.

Well, maybe i should have said first that i’ve always been a somewhat indiscriminate reader.  i’ve read more bad novels and even a certain number of Harlequin romances than i would care to admit to.

Um, i guess i read books like some people watch TV, some of the time.  i mean, i read what i think of as “good” books {or even “real” books} too.  Classics and work-connected stuff and some great fiction and essays and all that.

And i read junk.  Preferably good junk ~ in my mind, Nora Roberts is the best of escapist literature, but Danielle Steele and a slew of others can serve the same purpose.  Mindless and fun.

Fifty Shades is not as well-written as Nora Roberts, not as satisfying as J.D.. Robb, and if it didn’t have the kink element, it really would have been a Harlequin romance, and not a nine-days wonder.

The sex scenes weren’t bad, ~ maybe not great, but not bad, and i thought she pretty well captured that element of control that Doms do which may be my favorite part of TTWD..

i thought it was unfortunate that Christian {apparently} didn’t have a community to introduce Ana to.    Maybe that happens in one of the later books?  But i’m guessing not.

Or ~  lacking a real-life community ~ think how nice it would have been for her to have discovered the blogging community.  She could have started out commenting, but i think she needed her own blog.  

Can’t you imagine her writing out her concerns, releasing some of that angst?  And then we could have reassured her and helped her understand how it works.  

That whole obsession she gets with wanting to touch him when he doesn’t want her to and her insistence on hearing his life story ~ really, that was awfully intrusive, but then she doesn’t have any experience in romantic relationships either.  

So rather than getting in touch with herself, it seems that all of her energy is directed to trying to understand Christian.  She’s not focused on exploring her own sexuality, or enjoying what’s there and seeing where it takes them.  You know?   One of the things i value about the kink world is the self-exploration, and she does so little of that.

Yep, she needed a blog.  We would have been a big help to her.  And maybe him too!  If Christian had been in touch with DV or Florida Dom or David, they could have given him sage advice.  

Of course, i haven’t read the last two books, maybe there is still some emotional growth and a happy ending in store for us.

On a whole different note, i just started a book called Vagina, by Naomi Wolf, which i may or may not actually finish.  But the part that’s fascinating, so far, is that apparently women have all kinds of complex neural wiring from the genital region and apparently the reason some of us are more responsive to certain types of orgasms than others is simply because of different wiring.

Yeah.

So if you only have orgasms with clitoral stimulation, it’s because that’s what your “wiring” is best connected to.  Doesn’t mean you’re necessarily limited to that, but that’s always going to be easiest.

My problem with the book, unfortunately, is that i don’t trust her information.  She talks about orgasm as if it’s something that has to be carefully coaxed from a woman by dint of gentleness and patience, at least that’s what i think she’s saying, and we know that’s not always true.

BUT ~ before i dismiss her ~ maybe she’s really talking about  women needing a sense of safety in order to orgasm.  She has a complex explanation of this, involving the autonomic and sympathetic nervous systems.  That makes more sense.   So for her, feeling safe means one’s partner is gentle and slow ~ for us, it might mean we’re tied to the bed and being whipped.

No, really, that is what some of us need in order to give up control…

The challenge for me in reading this book is that it’s difficult to absorb new information and try to adapt it to what i know to be true at the same time.

Anyhow.

i haven’t responded to comments on my post on spirituality yet, at the time i’m writing this post.  i am so amazed and touched at the lovely responses that it takes me a while to absorb them and respond.  Thank you all for being ~ well, you know, who you are.

To those of you who offered to send me book lists ~ yes, please.   That would be lovely. 

Physically, i’m feeling much better, and emotionally too, although i don’t expect an angst-free state for a while.  Ms. Constance’s blog post today really resonated with me ~ you can read it here ~ but the part that hit home for me was this:

Paralysis isn’t wasted.  I think the inability to move forward, or what feels like that, is often really the lesson in listening to oneself, that small, still voice that is so often drowned out, when the world is too much with us, late and soon.

Thanks, Ms. Constance.

fiona’s Fun

7 Jan

“But, how long do you want  me to stay here?” she asks, looking up at Him.  It’s not that she doesn’t trust Him, but He’d insisted on blindfolding her on their way to the retreat center, and now she’s not sure what to make of it.

It’s beautiful.  No doubt about that.  Even in the dusk, she can see the gardens are luscious and the building itself looks warm and welcoming.   A large front porch, and lots of windows, flowers in window boxes.  Nothing threatening here.

And yet.  There is something about this that makes her hesitate.  “Are you sure this is what we should do?” she asks.

He looks down at her, shakes his head.  “Fiona,” He says.  “YOU were the one who wanted to see what it was like.  It was all you could talk about ~ Naomi’s training school.  I went to some trouble, you know, to find a place as much like that as I could.”

He pauses, and an odd look crosses His face.  fiona holds her breath for a minute but then He goes on, “And this one seems pretty close.  i think we’ll both be satisfied with the results.”

“Both?” says fiona, and her voice is a little squeaky.  “Aren’t you satisfied with me now?  You told me i’m your good girl, were you just being nice?”

“Fiona.”  And He is firm now, “Fiona, be quiet.  We’re here, and we’re going to do this.  You’ll have a safe word, and we can leave any time you like.  But who is in charge here?”

“You are,” she says, a little breathless, adding quickly, “Sir.  You are of course.”

“Then be quiet,” He says.

He puts His arm around her, casually, but He catches her hand and twists her arm behind her back, holding her firmly as they go up the stairs.  The door is opened immediately, as if someone had been watching and waiting for them to arrive.

The man who opens the door is dressed quite formally, in black pants and a white shirt with a black bow tie and a jacket.  fiona thinks he looks like a waiter in a really elegant restaurant, and the idea makes her smile a little.

He nods to Sir Q, and says, “Good evening, and welcome.  They’re expecting you.  Did you have a good trip down?  No trouble finding the place?”

Sir Q nods, “No, no problem, the directions were very clear, it was quite easy.”

fiona looks at him out of the corner of her eye.  He sounds more formal than usual, and somehow this makes her nervous.

“I’m Charles,” says the other man, “and I’ll take you to the parlor.  This is Elena,” and as he says it, a woman appears beside fiona.  “She’ll take your slut to prepare her.”

fiona feels herself blushing ~ did he just call her a slut?? Omigod.  She looks at Sir Q, but he is avoiding making eye contact.   Elena says,”Right this way, Miss” gesturing to the doorway and standing back so fiona can precede her.  fiona hesitates, but just for a moment.

Elena directs her though several rooms, closing doors behind her.  Finally, they are in a small, round room with cushioned seats along half of it, and mirrors from floor to ceiling on the other half.  Elena says gently, “You are to undress, please, and i’ll give you a robe to put on.”

fiona is not very comfortable with this, but she also can’t imagine telling Elena no.  She starts to unbutton her blouse, and hesitates, o, dear, really?  She has to take her clothes off in front of this woman she doesn’t even know?

Elena is watching her impassively, but when she sees fiona’s hesitation, she smiles warmly.  “Oh, my,” she says.  “You are really a novice, aren’t you?’

fiona can only nod.

“Don’t worry, darlin'” says Elena.  “Your Master has signed you up for the beginner’s package.  You’ll probably love it.  Are you feeling shy about taking your clothes off?”

fiona nods, feeling a little foolish.

Elena just smiles.  “Well, of course you are, darlin’.  But no worries, it’s not a big deal.  Let’s just get them off, and quickly.  We don’t want to be late getting you down to the parlor, or you’ll be starting off in trouble.  Here, shall i help you?’

And she’s so warm and friendly sounding that fiona nods, and the next thing she knows, her clothes seem to be flying off her, as if Elena has some magic touch that undoes buttons and zippers with no effort at all.  Even her panties pool around her feet as if they belong there.

Naked in front of the mirror, fiona starts to cross her arms over her breasts, but Elena frowns.

“O, no, we can’t have that,” she says, “You’re a lovely woman, why would you want to cover yourself?’

As she says this, two other women appear behind her.  They enter the room, and before fiona can protest, each of them takes one of her arms.  fiona can only watch, helpless, as they attach a fur-lined leather cuff to each wrist.  Then, to her dismay, they pull her arms behind her back, and attach the cuffs to each other.

There is no question of covering her breasts at this point, and in fact even her pussy seems very exposed in the mirror in front of her.  She is going to protest, but Elena shakes her head.

“Beautiful, isn’t she?” she says to the other two women, who nod and murmur agreement.   Well, maybe i am, thinks fiona.and she relaxes just a bit.

She is expecting them to produce the robe that Elena had mentioned, but instead they bring out a collar, a wide leather collar with a ring in it, and fasten it around her neck.

It is very like a dog collar, she thinks, looking at herself in the mirror, and she feels a bit odd, seeing herself like this.  It is – it’s like one of aisha’s fantasies – and the idea makes her smile, and makes her nervous at the same time.

Spirituality, BDSM, and me

6 Jan

With apologies to Fiona, who was hoping for fantasy…

i don’t know if this is even the right place to talk about this ~ sometimes i think i need a whole other blog not connected to me here ~ but here i am anyhow.  My blog, i can talk about whatever i want.

i was raised Catholic, but not the kind of Catholic you probably think of when i say that.

Forget the 12 children families and obey the pope mentality.  i was raised in the tradition of Dorothy Day, who worked for social justice, who said, “

“Life itself is a haphazard, untidy, messy affair,” 

““I really only love God as much as I love the person I love the least.”  and

“Our problems stem from our acceptance of this filthy, rotten system.”

In the tradition of Thomas Merton, who said,

 “Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy. That is not our business and, in fact, it is nobody’s business. What we are asked to do is to love, and this love itself will render both ourselves and our neighbors worthy.”

Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am. That I will never fulfill my obligation to surpass myself unless I first accept myself, and if I accept myself fully in the right way, I will already have surpassed myself.”  and

“Our idea of God tells us more about ourselves than about Him.”

So i was never a traditional Catholic.  And the churches i went to weren’t traditional neighborhood Catholic churches, for the most part.  There were periods of time that i didn’t go to church at all, and times that i was deeply involved in a particular church as a way to build and support my own spirituality.

i’ve followed my own path, and i don’t have any regrets.

About a year ago, i decided i couldn’t be Catholic anymore.  Even though the church i attended was still the same radical little group committed to social justice, pro-choice and pro-marriage equality that they had always been, there was more and more pressure for us to conform to things that I believed were wrong.  The things that the larger Catholic church was standing for were too far removed from my own beliefs.  So i quit being Catholic.

Not just quit going to church – not a fallen-away Catholic.  i am no longer Catholic.  i consider myself excommunicated from the church – and i assure you, based on my beliefs and actions, the Catholic church would agree with me.

When i did that, my atheist friends {who are many} welcomed me to their ranks.

And at first, i felt like i might be atheist.  i don’t exactly believe in the patriarchal god who lives in the sky and passes judgment on the mere mortals he created, and never have.

As i’ve grown into being able to articulate my belief, i think it is closer to the Buddhists, who don’t believe in God as separate from us.  And i think i don’t understand enough of their teachings to claim their belief for mine.

But here’s part of what i believe:

God is within each of us, and around us.  The God within us is the deepest part of our selves, that part that we are in touch with when we are very still and have shut out the distractions around us.  The God around us is in nature, it is God the creator, the God of dance and poetry and music,  harmony and disharmony, fertility and growth, the God of death.

So there i am, not quite pagan, not quite Christian.

As my old friend Burford says:

My approach to decision-making is to throw my questions out to “the universe” (is as good a way to put it as any), be patient, listen to the answer, figure out what I think is really the right path to pursue, and act on it. The replies I get have rarely led me wrong – and have faith in yourself and the answers you receive. The clear advantage to this approach is that all answers lie within you.”

And he adds:

I notice the things that are “right” for me to do seem to come easily.

i agree with this too.  My sense is that when the God within me is connected with the God around me and the God within others, things flow beautifully.  But i feel like i have temporarily lost my sense of connectedness with the universe, which i used to call God.

That’s ok ~ or it will be.  But it is another “way” to be found.

Part of the work ahead of me is in connecting more of sexuality and the feminine to my images of God.  i’ve just gotten a book called Vagina, which seems like it might be a good source for connecting spirituality and the feminine, although it got a horrible review in the NY times.

And ~ i come back to this ~  i have work to do that i’m not doing, and my expectations for things coming easily are not realistic right now  Just for example, i have material for a book that i’m not doing anything with, although i could.  i’m pretty sure a publisher is NOT going to call me and ask if i happen to have this material and would i like to publish it. 

i have some other great ideas, but unless i really put some energy into doing something with them, they are not likely to succeed.  And i’m a little lost as to where the energy needs to go.  

And it’s ok that i’m a little lost.  Really it is.  It’s not the first time, probably won’t be the last.  

Sometimes, the journey is the treasure. 

From the Sick Ward

5 Jan

Gave in to being sick and went to bed yesterday afternoon ~ after about 16 hours of mostly sleeping, some Airbourne, some zinc lozenges, hot toddies, and gargling, i’m enjoying a little bit of “feeling better” time this morning, but don’t expect it to last much longer.  The bed is calling my name even as i write this.

As entertainment for the time that i can’t sleep and don’t feel well enough to get up, i’ve started reading 50 Shades.   i don’t think it’s that bad so far.  i mean, it’s really a Harlequin romance with a kinky twist, right?

i’m curious to see if our girl ever realizes that she is a submissive.  After all, no one has turned her on at all until this guy came along.  For goodness sake, she’s graduating from college and has never had an orgasm ~ that’s just interesting.  Maybe if she’d stumbled across Story of O when she was younger that would have been different!

i’m sure i’ll have more to say about it at some point, but not now. Now,  i’m eating some of Ms. Constance’s cookies for breakfast  ~ that’s eggs and milk and good-for-you stuff, right? ~ and getting ready to go back to bed.  

Hope to have something more exciting to write about in the not too distant future.   In the meantime, maybe i’ll get caught up on reading other people’s blogs and answering comments…

Still No Kink is Sight

4 Jan

Not only is Sir still fighting the after-effects of being sick  yesterday, He just about lost His voice ~ but i am not feeling so great either.   i’m not actually sick yet, not officially, but i seem to be headed that way.  Ugh.  

My throat is scratchy and i feel just that slight bit of achy.  And i’m coughing some.  

Ok, enough about my symptoms.  In other news, i’ve been dismayed and distressed by the video of the football players from Steubenville, released lately by Anonymous.  i just saw it yesterday, and have been ruminating about it a bit.   

i won’t link to it here, or dwell on it.  It’s a huge trauma trigger and i’m not feeling well enough to deal with it anyhow.

Besides i’m busy blowing my nose.  Like every 10 seconds.  Ugh and more ugh.

Night owl did a lovely post on spirituality, and it helped me remember how it feels to have that connection – thanks, Night owl.

And i saw this on Facebook, that also made me feel good:

582512_10151422214986518_329812227_n

And on that note, i’m going to go exercise and get ready to do the things i have to do today.

P.S.  i am taking my Vitamin D, as prescribed.  i’m a good girl, i am.   🙂

A New Day

3 Jan

Thanks for all the comments yesterday – the supportive ones, the helpful ones, and the ones that shared things you’re looking forward to.  In case i don’t get them answered today, know that they were greatly appreciated, enjoyed, and advice followed.

i took the Vitamin D ~ i don’t think it’s worked yet though.  How long does it take?  {Just kidding, i know it’s not a quick acting solution.}  Google tells me somewhere between a week and a month, although i’m hoping for the placebo effect sooner.

So, enough of all that.  Let me just say here, part of what’s going on with me ~ maybe most of it ~is related to my own expectations for myself and life and some disappointment that things are not flowing as smoothly as i want them to, or as easily as i think they should.

i think i’ve sometimes gotten discouraged easily, not when i’m doing things for other people so much as when i’ve tried to do them for myself, particularly in terms of my career.  i tend to think if it doesn’t flow easily it means i’m not good enough to accomplish it, and of course that’s not true ~ not factual.  

Anyhow.  Listening to the Leonard Cohen song yesterday reminded me that i’m also feeling disengaged from my spiritual connections.  Not being Catholic anymore has left me a bit adrift in terms of what i do believe, but really, i need to be open to the universe for direction just as much in my career path these days as i was when i was looking for a relationship.

The Leonard Cohen song pulled me toward that spiritual openness, looking toward where i’m supposed to be and what i’m supposed to do there, which makes it easier for me to keep going.  

Being open to discovering what i need to, doing the next thing on my list, and not getting too discouraged.  Those are all helpful things for me.

Then last night Ms. Constance and Drew came for dinner.   It was a lot of fun!  i think they liked the meal, and i know i liked my Xmas present ~ Ms. Constance’s cookies.  They are amazingly delicious. i hope they’ll like the chocolate candy i sent home with them.  

i’m also delighted that she brought me a bottle of her homemade vanilla extract, in a lovely bottle.  i love bottles with corks anyhow, and this one is square, which is also cool, and filled with that luscious smelling extract – mmmmmm.

We talked and laughed, mostly about vanilla stuff, although it’s also nice to be able to laugh about  me sanding the paddle in the same breath as more vanilla activities.   {Notice, i said “the paddle,” not “the stupid paddle.” i try not to make the same mistake more than once.}

Anyhow, enough of all this, hopefully by tomorrow i’ll be back to being a BDSM blog.  {i know, youall don’t mind if i wander, but i do!}  

After inundating Night owl with advice in a comment, i realized that this is another “practice what i preach” opportunity and there’s nothing wrong with feeling  what i feel, even if it’s less than positive.  It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me.  It’s ok to feel what i feel.  

And i took the Vitamin D anyway.  🙂

Forget That Last Post

2 Jan

Really – just ignore it, and check this out.  Somehow, this is where i am.