Jade left a comment on yesterday’s post that i thought was so worth reading i moved it over here.
Okay…so we live in a society that, as a whole, teaches some crazy-making gender rules. First, we tell women that they need to have histrionic disorder-lite to get a man. Then, we tell women they have to be Superwoman. For good measure, we tell men they must never have vulnerable emotions and then get all kinds of mad when they can’t feel or express a full range of emotions. And that is just our society, in general.
In some ways, the archetypes of the “perfect Master” contains both the idea that they will be able to hurt us in caveman-like ways….and then nurture us in ways that go beyond what is expected of men in our society in general. They should also be mind readers, wealthy enough to keep us at home chained to something, and definitive. Oh, yes, and the “perfect slave” may well have some form of histrionic disorder and that is just fine. The “perfect slave” always knows when to be helpful and when to be helpless. She is able to be totally transparent, except for when her needs might possibly interfere with his desires. She has endless joy and energy and her home sparkles constantly. She is never cross or sick or menstruating.
It’s like we took the gender rules of proper modes of emotion display and gave them steroids. We created a bunch of rules about it rather than just being happy that we are trailblazers, darn it. A group of people not content to just do their own sexy, crazy, beautiful thing. Sigh. Since women are taught to compare, compare, compare our lives with every other female we expect to see we are doing it wrong. Then we are freaked out because maybe the Master is doing it wrong also. Just all of *that* creates a lot of vulnerability, you know? For the non perfect Masters and the non perfect slaves.
We all walk a delicate balance. For me, i see SR’s ability to beat me past begging as a part of nurturing and protecting me. Protecting us. Maybe that is how i avoid a conflict in my own mind, to lump all of those things together.
As to the vulnerability questions….well, loosing my sight and control over my own body has done an excellent job of forcing me to admit i can’t do everything all of the time. There are a lot of gifts there. Color me surprised that people do generally want to help, feel good about helping and feel safe helping me because i feel safe asking for what i need. The more you ask, the more comfortable it becomes to accept the underlying vulnerability. The more you know what you need and how to get it, the less you call that “incompetence” in your own mind. i’m still stubborn…..very much so…..but i try real hard to use this in ways that are good for me rather than spinning my wheels.
Of course, i’m completely fascinated by the way the physical challenge of blindness creates a sense of vulnerability and forces her to ask ~ rather like my twisted knee back in the day. But anyhow, i will just let her comment speak for itself.
i’ve got a super busy day ahead of me, lots of good times. And yesterday was long and action packed too.
Last night, it was a welcome relief when Sir told me to sit at His feet and take His shoes off. The act of untying them, pulling them off, and massaging His feet was very soothing.
In fact, i almost fell asleep right there, and He tucked me in to bed right after that!
i’m going to try to update The Kinky Bloggers page today, using what i know about the convention now and your all’s suggestions ~ if not today, then later this week. Be sure to check in on it!
