aisha

Sir says i have a spanking fetish ~ who knew?

{Bursts out laughing…}

Since it was His birthday yesterday, i offered to give Him a birthday spanking, but this offer was not met with much acceptance ~ ok, it was met with NO acceptance.  In fact, any spanking that was done last night ~ and there was quite a bit of it ~ was all on my ass.

Sir is not interested in switch day.  Nope.  Not at all, at all.  {giggling…}  He doesn’t even like to think about the possibility.  Have i made it clear how unacceptable the whole concept is?

Repeat after me:  When does Sir “bottom” for me?  NEVER.  NEVER, EVER, EVER , NEVER.  {more giggling…}

i, on the other hand, may be getting more spanking in the future, although He threatened to make me have to beg for my next spanking.  Is that humiliation play?

i’ve been trying to think of 7 new things to tell youall for the Inspiring Blogger Award, but honestly, don’t youall already know everything about me?  When Sir and i were talking last night about spanking, He said, “Will you blog about this?  Do you talk about stuff like this ~ will you tell them how often a week you need to be spanked, for example?

And i said, “Noooo ~ well, maybe not ~ um, maybe ~ i don’t know…”

So of course i rush right over here to tell youall about the conversation!  How strange is that?  And how could there be 7 things you still don’t know about me?

Ok, here we go, i’ll try.  If i’ve mentioned some of these before, that is not my fault.  

1.  i think i need to be spanked twice a week.  Maybe that will turn out to be to often, or not often enough, but i think that would be just right.

2.  i have a long history of issues with taking library books back in a timely manner.  i can do real well for a long time, then i have one i just won’t take back.  There’s one on my shelf right now.   In my lifetime, i have single-handedly built at least one wing of the library in overdue fines.  

i’ve had family members say that i’m banned from the library, that the library has a picture of me with a big X through it, but i know for a fact that is not true.  They just want me to bring the book ~ or books ~ back and pay my fines.  Then they’ll welcome me back like nothing ever happened.

Hey, i just remembered the questions Jz put out in the universe a while back ~ thank you, Jz!!

3.   What is the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to you?  

Two African-American women in a therapy group i led , one’s new to group, and pretty guarded and uncomfortable.  The client i’d been seeing a while says to the new woman,  “Don’t worry, you can talk here, she’s not – well, she’s not really white.”

4.  What do you imagine your Patronus as being?  

i imagine my Patronus being a unicorn.  Or a dolphin.

(And what do you suspect it might actually be?)  

Well, i took this stupid on-line test and it said rabbit.  Hmpf.  But i bet that’s because i didn’t sign up for their “go back to school” information.  i bet if i’d agreed to sign up for that it would have been a dolphin.  Or  a unicorn.

And now some of the questions that faerie suggested a long time ago:

5.  Who gets to define normal in your life?  

i do, definitely.  Except i don’t believe in “normal.”  i think it’s a construct designed by people who don’t mind living in a box, who want to make everyone else just like them.  i think we use it to shame people for being who they are, and you know i’m against that.

6.  Do you believe in soul mates?  Yes.

 Have you met yours?  O, more than one.  i believe in the idea of soul mates that says it’s not necessarily just one person.  A soul mate helps your soul grow.  For some of us, that’s different people at different times in our lives.  i believe that Sir is my forever soul mate, or my last soul mate, but there have been lots of people who’ve changed who i am and how i see the world, who’ve touched me on some really deep level.

7.  What does true happiness look like to you?  

True happiness {for me}  is having enough joy in my life to balance out whatever misery and sadness and anxiety there is.  It’s not a simple equation, but that’s part of it.  And joy comes from being able to stay in the moment and appreciate it for what it is.  

i discovered long ago, in a not-very-happy marriage, that i can be happy pretty much regardless of the circumstances around me.  It takes some work, but it can be done.  My life is so amazingly good now, that it’s much easier to be happy.

Thank you again, Daddysnaughtylittlegirl, for nominating me for the award ~ i’ll do something with the “nominate others” part of it real soon too!

There has been some interest in me and the tether.  Always wanting to please, i thought i would take some snapshots this morning.  

This is me trying to get milk out of the refrigerator without moving the tether.  The rope always interests the cat.

Yes, that’s my toe down here at the bottom.  Of course, if one cat is interested, so is the other one:

Here’s a bit of robe and leg, just to keep to the whole HNT concept:

And finally, here’s the picture Sir took for me when He got up this morning:

Sir says:  Have you been posting about the tether all week?

me:  Well, actually, yeah, maybe.  You know, faithful wanted to see pictures.  And fiona too.

Sir:  But they’ve already seen pictures of the tether.  Oh!  They want to see pictures of you tethered!  Is that it?

me:  Um, yeah, i guess so.

Sir:  Oh, I see, it’s sub-porn.  Porn for submissives.  {Laughing…}  I should have gotten a consent form showing you’re over 18 before I took that picture.

me:  Very funny, Sir…

Anyhow.  Happy HNT!!

i was actually thinking about doing a picture of me tethered for faithful, but fortunately Sir untied me before i got up this morning. 

It is just as well because i was a little crazy yesterday, and expect to be a bit that way today too.   i’m finally doing the preparations for the trip, we weren’t sure of the dates until this last week.  So far i have booked a flight – two flights, actually, then canceled and rebooked one so quickly that i got a full refund.

Made reservations at a hotel in Miami where we’ll spend a night each way of the trip.

Had a small panic attack yesterday because all the VRBO’s (Vacation Rental By Owners) that would have worked for us were already booked,  and it looked like hotels were filling up.  So i made reservations at a hotel that would work, but wasn’t really what i wanted.  They could be cancelled though, so that gave me time to keep looking without quite so much anxiety.

And then i found a beautiful place ~ at least i think it is.  You know, sometimes when you get there, it’s not quite what it looked like.  But i think it’ll be good.  It is directly across the street from the beach – it’s a surfer’s beach, so we won’t actually swim there, but i don’t swim in the ocean anyway, and neither does Sir, and there are swimming beaches near-by.

Consulted with my daughter, consulted with Sir.

It has a stove and refrigerator, which i wanted since Sir is a picky eater ~ and we both need coffee in the morning.  

Don’t laugh, in the picture i can see that the appliances are on the patio, so it is an open air kitchen.  i was not sure how Sir would react to that, but He smiled and said “You can’t expect to take America with you to Very-Far-Away.”

So i know that whatever happens, it will be fine.

Woke up last night in a mild panic ~ could i really cancel the other hotel?  Was it not refundable?  Managed to go back to sleep…

This morning, i was able to cancel it ~ glad i didn’t lose much sleep over that ~ and made reservations at the one i want.

Now, all that’s left on my agenda is making sure the shuttle between the airport  and the hotel in Miami is set up, and in Very-Far-Away, we need a hotel near the airport for the night before we leave and transportation from the airport to the hotel we’re staying in when we arrive – about a 90 minute trip.

So.  As you can see, kink is not even in my head today.  Sir just smiles and says that whatever i decide will be fine, and that increases my anxiety, and my daughter has things that are taking up her attention so i can’t be running to her for input every five minutes.

It would be easier to do if i were just planning for myself, because then if it turned out badly, it would only affect me, and i’d just deal with it then.  As it is, i feel ~ well, you know, i am just a bit crazed.

i will  be more comfortable when i have those loose ends tied up.

in the meantime, check this out:

i’m pretty sure it will all be worth it once we get there.  Right?

AND once i get these loose ends tied up, by tomorrow, i’ll put more energy into the KBC, ok?  In the meantime, keep working on your plans to come and making suggestions for what we can do.

Daddy’s Naughty Little Girl nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger’s Award – thank you very much!!  This gave me the opportunity to visit her blog, which is pretty cool.  She has a nice approach that includes some fun and interesting non-kink things.

i was surprised to see that out of all the people she’d passed the award to, there was only one that i already knew about ~ Southern Sir.  i start thinking that i know people, but really, i just know my own little corner of the blogosphere.

As always with an award, there are rules.

The Rules

1. Display the award logo on your blog. ~~~  Check!
2. Link back to the person who nominated you. ~~~ Check!
3. State 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them.
5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements.

i was going to finish the rest of the items on the list this morning, but i’m too distracted. We’re getting ready for a trip to see my daughter and grand-daughter in Very-Far-Away, and it’s been a bit chaotic.  

Like i was up at 3:30 this morning canceling one set of reservations and making a different one.  That was such a whirlwind change that i got my money back for the cancellation from the airlines.  How cool is that?

Now i need to do hotel reservations, and reservations for a place to stay part of the time that will accommodate 6 and has a swimming pool, and yikes, i feel like it all has to be done RIGHT NOW.  

Sir needs to get up and come give me His input on some of this, but he won’t be up probably for another hour.

And i’m still tethered.  Yes.  

The first night, Sunday, He tethered my ankle, and when i was about to get up, He was awake and He untied me.  Nice and easy.

Last night, He attached the rope to my wrist.  So when i woke up in the middle of the night {cats wanting out ~ even though it’s way too cold for them out there} i was very aware of the rope.   And when i realized it was almost 4:00 and i’d been awake for half an hour and wasn’t going to go back to sleep, He was at least half-awake, but He didn’t offer to untie me.

So here i am, in my bathrobe.  The rope is inside the robe ~ it runs from my wrist, up the arm of the robe, then down the inside of it.  And of course the tether is at my feet.  The cats sniff at it, and look at me curiously.  

When i go get more coffee {which i’m about to do in a minute} i’ll carry it with me.

So i’m not focused enough to finish following the rules for the award, but i will soon.  Thank you again, Daddy’s naughty little girl, i really do appreciate it!  

Now i need to go get coffee and maybe put some real clothes on before i freeze to death and die.

Jade left a comment on yesterday’s post that i thought was so worth reading i moved it over here.  

Okay…so we live in a society that, as a whole, teaches some crazy-making gender rules. First, we tell women that they need to have histrionic disorder-lite to get a man. Then, we tell women they have to be Superwoman. For good measure, we tell men they must never have vulnerable emotions and then get all kinds of mad when they can’t feel or express a full range of emotions. And that is just our society, in general.

In some ways, the archetypes of the “perfect Master” contains both the idea that they will be able to hurt us in caveman-like ways….and then nurture us in ways that go beyond what is expected of men in our society in general. They should also be mind readers, wealthy enough to keep us at home chained to something, and definitive. Oh, yes, and the “perfect slave” may well have some form of histrionic disorder and that is just fine. The “perfect slave” always knows when to be helpful and when to be helpless. She is able to be totally transparent, except for when her needs might possibly interfere with his desires. She has endless joy and energy and her home sparkles constantly. She is never cross or sick or menstruating.

It’s like we took the gender rules of proper modes of emotion display and gave them steroids. We created a bunch of rules about it rather than just being happy that we are trailblazers, darn it. A group of people not content to just do their own sexy, crazy, beautiful thing. Sigh. Since women are taught to compare, compare, compare our lives with every other female we expect to see we are doing it wrong. Then we are freaked out because maybe the Master is doing it wrong also. Just all of *that* creates a lot of vulnerability, you know? For the non perfect Masters and the non perfect slaves.

We all walk a delicate balance. For me, i see SR’s ability to beat me past begging as a part of nurturing and protecting me. Protecting us. Maybe that is how i avoid a conflict in my own mind, to lump all of those things together.

As to the vulnerability questions….well, loosing my sight and control over my own body has done an excellent job of forcing me to admit i can’t do everything all of the time. There are a lot of gifts there. Color me surprised that people do generally want to help, feel good about helping and feel safe helping me because i feel safe asking for what i need. The more you ask, the more comfortable it becomes to accept the underlying vulnerability. The more you know what you need and how to get it, the less you call that “incompetence” in your own mind. i’m still stubborn…..very much so…..but i try real hard to use this in ways that are good for me rather than spinning my wheels.

Of course, i’m completely fascinated by the way the physical challenge of blindness creates a sense of vulnerability and forces her to ask ~ rather like my twisted knee back in the day.    But anyhow, i will just let her comment speak for itself.

i’ve got a super busy day ahead of me, lots of good times.  And yesterday was long and action packed too.

Last night, it was a welcome relief when Sir told me to sit at His feet and take His shoes off.  The act of untying them, pulling them off, and massaging His feet was very soothing.

In fact, i almost fell asleep right there, and He tucked me in to bed right after that!

i’m going to try to update The Kinky Bloggers page today, using what i know about the convention now and your all’s suggestions ~ if not today, then later this week.  Be sure to check in on it!