Ok this was embedded, but apparently not anymore. Here’s a link:
Back to “Normal” ~ Whatever That Means
6 FebWe are no longer granddaughter sitting, so we are back to business-as-usual ~ a better term for it, since being tied to a tether for the night is hardly considered “normal” in anyone’s lexicon.
The comments yesterday were interesting. i tried to open my mind to Jade and fiona’s suggestion that Sir and i carry on as usual with Sir’s granddaughter here – ok, not “carry on,” but i could sit at His feet and take His shoes off.
i think it might be different if Sir and i had been together a long time ~ maybe. Or if she were younger, maybe. With a teenager ~ yeah, i don’t know. i think it would require some explanation.
She’s just starting to date. Do i want her to think she should sit at her boyfriend’s feet and take his shoes off? Nah. i don’t think so.
As for acting like i’m more comfortable sitting on the floor? Um, ya know, i’m 56 years old. i can do the floor, but after a little bit, you would be hard-pressed to believe i was more comfortable there. 🙂
On a whole other note ~ Ms. Constance wanted to know what seven things i would say about her, and some of you actually egged that curiosity on. Right? Yes, you know who you are.
So okay, you’ve twisted my arm enough, here we go. i don’t really have seven interesting things about her that you don’t already know ~ for example ~
~ She has red hair
~ She has dogs that she’s absolutely crazy about. Not just “dogs” but Scottish terriers. They are adorable, of course.
~ She’s short, but she can still sweep into a room like she was 6-foot tall.
~ She keeps slave drew on a long tether, which works well for both of them, but make no mistake about it, the tether is there.
Sure, i could have told you stuff like that, but what i was really thinking about telling you is this.
{Whispering…} Ms. Constance can raise an eyebrow and cast fear into the heart of most submissive folks. But don’t let that fool you. Underneath that sometimes gruff exterior is a kind and caring woman, who will go way out of her way to help just about anyone in distress.
And maybe you already knew that too ~ but i can imagine her face when she reads this. There’s a particular look she gets when she’s all prepped and ready to be gruff, and finds herself on the receiving end of a compliment instead. That’s the look i was imagining yesterday.
But don’t take my word for it ~ come to KBC and see for yourself!
So Here i Am
5 FebEjaculation trainer/reviewer ~ that’s who my latest spam comment was from. How awesome is that! And wouldn’t it be fun to be an ejaculation trainer?
Sorry, i got sidetracked.
And sorry i didn’t post yesterday ~ our lives have become a bit more complicated than usual. One of Sir’s granddaughters is staying with us for a bit, and i was chief chauffeur yesterday, and had clients scheduled all day too, and have made a commitment to exercise every damn day, so there was just no time.
Actually, i have a busy week, and a busy next couple of weeks, and then i’ll be in Very-Far-Away, and then it will be time for KBC. Yikes. Time to think about registering here.
Thank you to Cassaundra, who nominated me for the inspiring Blogger award. You can check out her blog over here.
You all know the rules, right?
1. Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Link back to the person nominating you
3. State 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link back to them.
5. Notify these other bloggers and give them the award requirements.
i think youall already know everything there is to know about me, right?
i thought about telling you seven things about Ms. Constance, but then i imagined her face if i did that and quickly changed my mind. {LOL – just kidding, Ms. Constance!}
Ok, here we go.
1.
No, really, i can’t think of anything!! i’ve sat here for 10 minutes, staring at the screen. Ok, let me try again.
1. My favorite color is purple. Lavender. Any shade thereof. My mother always said it was “my color” but i didn’t feel that way until the last few years. Weird.
2. Sir is Buddhist. He was atheist before that, and of course Buddhists don’t believe in a God, so he’s actually still atheist, but He’s very zen so the Buddhist thing works.
3. i’m afraid of mice. Terrified. Not so much if you’re holding it, or they’re in a cage, but running wild in the house? No. i’d have to move out.
4. i’ve always gotten up early in the morning. Real early. Even when i was a little kid. Sometimes, i’d have ice cream for breakfast, and go outside and wander around in the early morning dawn. It was lovely – like i had the world to myself.
5. i am out of sorts today, just a bit. My life is shifting and swirling, and i think some wonderful patterns are going to emerge, but i don’t much feel like blogging, but i feel like i need the connection, so here i am.
6. i am untethered these last two days, due to the teenager in the house, and so i’m also not sitting at His feet or taking His shoes off in the evening, and that’s probably part of what’s going on, cause when my life is swirling anyhow, it’s nice to have those things around me.
7. i believe that my life has a purpose, even if i don’t always know what it is. i believe that my goal is always to be “more of who i am” ~ more genuine, more real, more in touch with my deepest self ~ and to act from that place, and that everything else will fall into place if i do that.
But i forget that all the time, and start getting all critical and judging myself harshly and feeling fairly hopeless, and then something reminds me of who i am and what i need to do, and i’m able to flow through the universe again.
TTWD are part of who i am, and help keep me in that space of positive energy and ~ help me find the rhythm of my life.
Okay.
i didn’t even know that last one was there.
Thanks, Cassaundra.
i just got through nominating a zillion people for this, so i won’t do it again, not today. i will try to link more with other folks though – but there’s just a limit to how many blogs i can read all the time. i don’t want there to be, but there is.
So instead, i leave you with this thought ~~
Feelings, whether of compassion or irritation, should be welcomed, recognized, and treated on an absolutely equal basis; because both are ourselves. The tangerine I am eating is me. The mustard greens I am planting are me. I plant with all my heart and mind. I clean this teapot with the kind of attention I would have were I giving the baby Buddha or Jesus a bath. Nothing should be treated more carefully than anything else. In mindfulness, compassion, irritation, mustard green plant, and teapot are all sacred.
~~ Thich Nhat Hanh, The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation
Scamper
3 Feb“Scamper on up there,” He says, gesturing to the bed, tapping my leg with the cane.
It always makes me giggle, inside my head, at least.
Scamper: Verb (esp. of a small animal or child) Run with quick light steps, esp. through fear or excitement.
Although i am neither a small animal nor a child, and am not even as small as i once was, that’s what He says He expects me to do. Scamper on up there, or over there, or out here as the case may be.
We had big storms here in Where-i-Live very early one morning. No harm done, just lost a bit of sleep. Sir untethered me for the event, so i could scamper out if i needed to
Giggling… really i just like saying the word, and the ridiculous mental image that goes with it.
i googled “scamper” images, just to see what i got. i found all kinds of strange things that don’t seem to have anything to do with my kind of scampering. Apparently it’s an acronym for something. Whatever.
There there were children scampering ~ that was not what i wanted, and even Scamper the Penguin was not quite right.
There was Scamper, the Hippopotamus, but i didn’t want to leave you with that image.
And then there was this:
That image is from deviantart.com, which seems appropriate, and i’m not sure what that rope’s doing there, but it could certainly be my tether. Which keeps me from scampering off in the middle of the night.
Now, i’m going to pick up my tether and scamper out to the kitchen for more coffee. {dissolves into giggles….}
Memories…
1 FebYesterday, fiona was asking questions about the KBC {Kinky Bloggers’ Convention} and wanted me to remember what it was like back when this was all new to me ~ like August, 2010. Not exactly ancient history, but it sure seems like a long time ago
i recorded it all here in lurid detail and four-part harmony. Of course, that experience was actually defined by Sir D, who was a very experienced Dominant.
It was also a transformative experience for me, that particular night, that particular series of events. And now i have to think about what i want to say here.
You know, we all carry stuff ~ baggage ~ old tapes ~ whatever you want to call it ~ from childhood. It doesn’t have to be “abuse,” but there’s always stuff, just because we’re human, and so are our parents.
The events at that first play party were transformative for me. They allowed me to shed some of the baggage i carried. Partly through the experience, partly through writing about it, and then with great clarity in a therapy session with JM, the amazing analyst.
i shed some of that old stuff like a snake sheds its skin. Shame, slipping off my shoulders… it was pretty amazing.
The process of BDSM, done well, is soul work, i think. When not done well, maybe not so much, but who knows?
Tori at Pains Pleasure writes about a recent situation in Britain that demonstrates one of the things that can happen when people don’t know what they’re doing. Lack of communication, lack of awareness, lack of sensitivity ~ those things can cause so much damage.
But then who knows? Maybe this is just part of their path ~ probably not a path that continues together, but we learn and grow and move on.
It makes me grateful though that {other than my brief second marriage} i have been with Dominants who were experienced, careful, and caring.
Which makes me think of the comment Buford left on my post about the “Submissive Controversy.” i thought it was powerful and cut through the controversy to the heart of the matter, and since he just left it yesterday, and you may have missed it, i’ll quote it here:
I never saw this as a cut and dried/black and white issue – it is about cooperation and the titles we give are just handles to refer to roles in a play – submissive – Dominant – or my personal preference Master and Slave. Submissives are not the only people to go into headspace during play – good Dominants do too – its what makes what we do real for both of us – or at least real enough that we both get our needs met. Submissives are simply people who get their joy in one way while Dominants get theirs in another way – and the wonder of it all is that we found each other in such a perfect fit. One without the other is nothing; yet, together, we can do everything. At our best together, we create events of such great beauty that years after that event, one looks at the other and says….”remember the time we …..”
What separates good Dominants from true sadists is that Dominants do not go the serial torture killer route gouging out eyes, severing limbs and killing people – Dominants among us are just thrilled to be able to take the one we love to the edge – and then bring him/her back not just safely but with considerably more happiness and pleasure than we started the project with. Another good title for a loving dominant would be “care giver” – its just more cumbersome to use and is not in line with the evil people we like to envision ourselves to be.
KBC is Coming
31 JanThat’s right ~ the Kinky Bloggers’ Convention is almost here. Time to lock in those travel arrangements. You can register for the convention here.
Here’s the plan. Ideally, you ~ and perhaps your significant other ~ will get here Friday evening some time, check into the hotel, and join us at a lovely restaurant for the munch. Clothing for the munch is street attire. We have a private room in a family restaurant. So you can dress up or down as much as you like, but what we call “the granny rule” applies ~ don’t wear anything that you wouldn’t want your grandmother to see you in.
i’m planning to ask for a special table for bloggers at the Friday munch, so we can begin to get to know each other and feel comfortable in real life (IRL) After the munch, we’ll also have a Meet-n-Greet of our own, so that people who arrive too late for the munch can join us, and so we can continue getting comfortable together.
i don’t think there are going to be hundreds of us, so by Friday evening, we’ll be cozy chatting like we do in the comments section. But if we have folks coming in Saturday morning, then we might arrange for a coffee get together in the morning to give them a chance to feel welcome.
Do you sense a theme here? The whole point of this is for us to connect and build community, starting with just being comfortable with each other. That creates a safe environment for new experiences.
Then on Saturday we’ll have classes. Because Bluegrass Leather Pride is the main event, and we are a track within that event, you’ll have the option of going to the main classes or to the blogger-specific classes. The blogger classes will be open to other folks too.
i’m looking at two classes ~ did i already tell you this? One of them will be about blogging as an art, or at least a craft. The other will be about Blogging as a Tool for Healing. But there will be four time slots for classes, and a wide variety of options, as you can see on the event website.
Then there’s the Saturday munch and Leather contests ~ which should probably be a blog post all by itself ~ and then a play party ~ woohoo!!
Yes. Really. A play party, in a dungeon. {Ok, not really a dungeon, but that’s what we call it.}
And you can go if you want to, and you’ll be with people you know, and you can play if you want to, or just watch, or you don’t have to go. Your call. No pressure.
On Sunday, there’s a final brunch, where we’ll bid each other tearful farewells amid promises to do it all again next year.
Time is flying by. Over the next month, i’ll go to Very-Far-Away to see my daughter and the most adorable grand baby on the face of the earth. When i come back, it will just about be time for KBC ~ Kinky Bloggers Convention. So i need to work fast now.
Talk to me ~ if you have questions, ask them. Let me know if you’re coming. Let me know if there are things you want to do. Mention it on your blog, in case people who read you but not me are interested in coming.
Submissive Controversy
30 JanLots of conversation here in Blogland about what it means and doesn’t mean to be submissive – all interesting discussions. The original piece that generated the responses was apparently written in response to another blog post, and therefore not even in context, so i’m not making any comment on that.
And really, i have probably already talked the idea to death in different blog posts. Thoughts drift through my mind.
i think of my old lover, Mike Mudd, saying, “You know how to get a woman to mind you? You just tell her to do things she already wants to do!” and laughing as he said it.
“Come here to me, i’m going to make you have 5 orgasms.” With that for a starting point, you don’t have to be submissive to say, “Yes, Sir!” with enthusiasm.
But there is such conflict generated by the idea that if you struggle to submit and obey, it means you’re not “truly” submissive. Since submission has as many flavors as ice cream, that’s probably not a sustainable argument.
A while back, i wrote about something i’d read that talked about sub-categories of submissives ~ ones who obeyed quickly and readily and others who needed to be overcome before they could submit. {i’m describing that really roughly, sorry.}
This morning i tried googling to find it again, but couldn’t. i found different ways to categorize types of submissive, but they tended to classify us based on extent of participation in the lifestyle. Other authors had as many as 9 categories of submissives, and i didn’t read those. Too complex for me today.
But it occurred to me that the conversation has had the required elements for the drama triangle, and i am impressed with our community that it has not generated fiercer, more unkind drama. Whenever someone lays down strong opinions as if they were self-evident truths, it will sting someone.
When we feel stung, it hurts, and it may put us in “victim mode.” The first person, the one who’s hurt us, is cast as the perpetrator, the bad guy. In a community, this split invites others to take sides as rescuers.
That creates the drama triangle, and in many situations, people end up putting all their energy into defending one point of view over another. Often, we practically lose sight of the original argument as we begin to disagree on who’s right and who’s wrong. As people hurt each other’s feelings, the drama intensifies, and gets more painful, and pulls others into it and…
it can be a real mess.
What i love about the blogging community is that we seldom let it descend into the depths of that trap. Calmer voices speak up, not in blame of anyone, but expressing their own perspective. Not trying to impose it on others, but clearly stating where they stand.
That is what saves us from the drama triangle – the ability to say where we are NOT in reference to anyone else, but in our own voice. What someone else says can be a starting place, it can generate lots of ideas. And we may initially react to that, from the heart, with passion.
It’s helpful to be able to do that ~ initially. But once the dust settles a bit, it is just as important to be able to step back and think about it, not in reaction to others, but from our own space. Important to be able to find our own wisdom.
i’m leery of extremes ~ always and never, everyone and no one ~ those are almost always inaccurate. Not just the words, but the concepts. Real life is generally more nuanced than that.
My submission is not just like anyone else’s, and it is a whole lot like everyone else’s. We have so much in common, it is the differences that we can treasure and celebrate.
Odds and Ends
29 Jani was on a short tether last night ~ no, i don’t know why, i wasn’t in trouble or anything. When i commented on it, He just laughed and pointed out that i don’t move much in my sleep anyway, so He was sure it wouldn’t be a problem.
Since He had just spanked me soundly and allowed me to please Him ~ and myself ~ in a variety of ways ~ i was in no frame of mind to argue, so i just said, “Yes, Sir.” Then i rolled over, so my back was the opposite way from the usual, just to show Him i could.
Also different last night, instead of putting the rope directly on my ankle, He put the leather cuff on my right leg, and tied the rope to the ring in the cuff. This morning, i had been at the computer for a while and got up to get more coffee.
i carry the tether with me into the kitchen, the cats trailing behind me as usual, pouncing on the rope. i set the tether down, pour coffee, and move toward the refrigerator for milk, when i realize something feels wrong. i look down and ~ yes ~ the rope is no longer tied to the cuff.
No, i don’t take that opportunity to make a break for it. i carry the tether back to the study with me, and am just as decorous as if i were still tethered. But. When Sir gets up~~
~~ i quickly tell Him what’s happened.
He looks stern. “Untethered?” He says. “Planning to run away?”
“No, no, never!” i say. “i think it was the cats. They did it.”
He says, “I’m shocked! I can’t believe you’re trying to blame it on the poor innocent cats. I bet you did it on purpose,” He says, “planning to escape.”
“No!” i say, giggling madly, “No, never.”
He shrugs, “Well. You’ll pay later. With your ass.”
Hmpf. i had a feeling it would end that way. Noooooo, i did NOT do it on purpose.
****************************
i haven’t quite finished the tasks on the list for Inspiring Blogger Awards – and now Jz has nominated me too, so i figure i better get on it. Y’all know the rules, right? In case you forgot:
1. Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
3. State 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers and link to them.
5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination and requirements.
So here we go. i probably won’t go notify you, but i might. Stranger things have happened. But probably i’ll just hope you get the ping-back notice or whatever you call it.
andi ~ who just restarted her blog at this link, and who just got the Fabulous Gutter Blogger award. i love to read her and follow the ups and downs of her life, even when i wish there weren’t any “downs” for her. She is smart and brave and strong, and i admire her.
pouredout – she is Florida Dom’s submissive, and i’m just beginning to follow her. i love that i can read her blog and his blog and follow their paths. Very cool.
perfectlypoly ~ new to the blog world, but ready to go, she’s going to be lots of fun.
Word Wytch – who tells fabulous stories that go on for a long time and don’t just disappear when they’re getting good {like mine do.} Really, she tells different kinds of stories and each one has a unique flavor.
night owl – who’s also fairly new, and tends to do the kind of posts i love, where she’s just had some fabulous insight or recognition of a new approach to take. Or sometimes she finds her way as she’s writing. Raw sometimes, her posts have soul.
joolz who just got the award from tori, but she was already on my list. i’ve just started following her and am getting to know her stories.
Jake – who also just got one, but deserves another for his commitment to sharing his journey, leading joy down the D/s path. He is always interesting and an excellent read with a different perspective.
Conina – who i just love to read. Very erotic adventures she has with her husband, which she shares in sensual detail, with just enough self-examination and insight thrown into the mix.
Fiona – who’s wild about Sir Q, and he about her, and it resonates through the blog and the spankings and so on. Fiona is a blast. i think i recently gave her another award. Oops.
Kitty the Submissive Wife – who is interesting and exciting. Again, there is deep love between her and her husband, and they are working hard at defining what their D/s relationship will be. Bright and funny, i thoroughly enjoy her.
Kitty for Mr. Woods – another blogger who’s new to me, but lots of fun. Worth visiting for the shoe pictures if nothing else. 🙂
And that’s it for today, folks. i know that’s only 11, but sometime this afternoon or tomorrow, i will probably think, SH*T, Gosh darn it – i left out – {fill in the blank} and now i have room for them. i tried not to give it to the exact same people as last time, or to people who already got one. If i did – oops. Sorry.
Back Home
28 JanHere i am, back home after my fun weekend away. i had a lovely time. My sister and i have always been close, but in the last couple of years have not spent as much time together as we once did, so this was a treat.
We had some fabulous meals, went shopping and took advantage of an amazing sale, and talked and talked and talked. It was great.
On Saturday night, after dinner, we stopped off in the bar of the hotel lounge to have a drink. While we were there, we ended up talking to a very nice man, and then a couple of his friends who dropped by the table.
The nice man felt the need to convince someone that he was a feminist, despite belonging to the all-male society known as the Oriental Order of the Groundhog, or OOGH. Yes he was a groundhog, and it was a fairly fascinating experience, but a story for a different day.
i got home Sunday just in time to spring into action preparing for Sir’s surprise Birthday Party. No, i had not mentioned it here before because i was afraid He might decide to read the blog, as He does occasionally, and i was protecting the surprise.
It was just a small family party – about 14 of us – and i kept the preparations simple . but He was surprised and delighted. We just had pizza and cake and ice cream, but i think everyone had a good time.
His sister and her family came – i had not actually met her before, so of course she had not been to the house. It was almost time for Sir to get home, and they hadn’t arrived. i was a bit concerned, but not worried.
Then i get this text from Ms. Constance:
“The folks looking for you ended up in Josh’s basement.”
My mind reels. WHAT?
Remember, i mentioned a while back that there was someone in the community who lives in my neighborhood? Yeah, that’s Josh. But ~ But ~
~ for a moment, i had this mental image of Josh’s basement as dungeon and Sir’s sister manacled to the wall… yikes!!
NO, of course that’s not how it went.
But they did think it was the party, and were introducing themselves and ready to have a good time, when one of the kinky folk, not recognizing Sir’s vanilla name, said, You’re whose sister? Um, we don’t know anyone named that.”
It was a titleholders preparation meeting, Thank goodness they didn’t walk in on a class with a caning demonstration or CBT or some other such thing.
And fortunately, Ms. Constance was able to direct them to the right house, and they thought the folks at Josh’s house were just lovely, so that ended well.
And then Sir came home, and was surprised and delighted, and we all had a good time. By the time it was over, and Sir had taken the grandkids home and come back, i was half-asleep on the couch, so He tethered me and put me to bed. It was good to be home.
Of course, time away means i’m further behind on everything, so bear with me while i try to play catch-up.
On a whole different note, we were talking about soul mates the other day, and i ran across this quote, thought i would share it here
“A soul mate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communication and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace. This kind of relationship is so important to the soul that many have said there is nothing more precious in life.”
― Thomas Moore
Gone Fishing…
26 JanWell, not literally of course because really? Fishing? Me? Um, no. Not that i couldn’t do it ~ such is my submissive nature that back in my youth, when i was all fluttering eyelashes and flirtatious enthusiasm, i actually went fishing a time or two.
Yes. i did.
i went with a “real” fisherman once, and he made me put the worm on the hook myself. Seriously. And i did it. THAT’S how basically, intrinsically submissive i am. i probably giggled while i was doing it too.
Of course then when he was teaching me to cast, the reel from the pole ~ i guess that’s what you call it ~ that part that has the line on it ~ well, it came off and fell in the water, and he had to jump in to get it, and since it was spring and about 50 degrees, he was a little cold {freezing} and we left right after that. No, i did NOT do it on purpose, i was appalled and felt terrible about it.
No, we didn’t go fishing again.
So anyhow, i’m not going fishing, but i’m going to another city with my sister for the weekend, where we will watch the ballgame on TV, have wonderful food with luxurious service, perhaps a delightful glass of wine {or two} soak in a hot tub, and do whatever else strikes our fancy.
i’ll probably not be back til Monday, but i’ll be thinking of you. Y’all have a great weekend!