Last night, i was feeling a little overwhelmed, a little out of sorts. i hate, hate, hate feeling that way.
Yes, i do think i am supposed to be able to handle everything smoothly all the time.
Yesterday was just a little series of minor blips: some car issues, an employee i confronted who burst into tears, some inter-staff conflict and tension that i can’t actually resolve, a shuttle driver who was confused, a client who didn’t get all the attention she deserved, just minor blips in the day. My daughter’s fine, there were no family crisis. i can afford my car repairs. i didn’t have to fire anyone, didn’t get fired, didn’t have my car break down on the side of the road, didn’t ~~ didn’t all kinds of things.
There’s some other stuff too, but there always is, and none of it’s bad. It’s just stuff i need to deal with, need to take care of.
Omg ~ passport. i need to get my passport. i knew there was something i wasn’t thinking about. Ok. That’s back on the list.
But last night, i’m thinking that my being out of sorts, feeling a little overwhelmed, is just unnecessary. i say to Sir, who’s been massaging my leg, “i don’t know why i feel this way.”
He says, “What?! You just got through telling me about your day. That’s a lot! Not each thing by itself maybe, but together it’s a lot. You don’t have to be Sigmund Freud to figure out why you feel a little overwhelmed.”
And that makes me laugh.
He says i think i have to be The Rock all the time.
He says i don’t have to.
That idea intrigues me, but i’m pretty sure i do have to.
Last night, we talk, Sir and i. Talk and touch. Lots of touch. Then ~
kneeling at His feet, held firmly between His thighs, His hands in my hair ~ in that moment ~
i am pretty sure someone else can be The Rock for a while.
sounds like you had a “death of a 1000 cut’s day”
glad you had some support
today is a new day
sfp
Dear Sfp,
Yeah, it was kinda like that. Thanks.
And the new day was better!
aisha
You think you have to be the Rock…i think i have to get it all Done…(and perfectly, of course)…
Us perfectionist types are total nutcases. 🙂
How nice that Their hands in our hair pulls us back to just…being.
sorry your day had all those little bumps, they can be an annoyance that drags us down, can’t they?
yesterday at yoga, two neat things…1. for every negative self-talk thing (oh, i’m too fat) you must think of (or say) TWO positive ones. 2. every time you think of something negative, picture someone handing you a flower, laying it at the floor around you; you’ll be surrounded by flowers, their beauty and fragrance…and (hopefully) the negative cloud around you will dissolve away…
nilla
Dear ‘Nilla,
Yep. Perfectionism is nuts, damn it.
Thanks for the tips too! i’ll have to try some of that.
love,
aisha
ps…the flower thing totally did not work for me…but the double positive thing did. Oh, and I suppose a lovely bj for the Man could go on that list of “mood changers”… 🙂
{Giggling…} O, yeah, a little cock worship goes a long way…
aisha
The day of 1000 cuts – yes, it’s like that sometimes isn’t it. And it’s not about not being able to cope, and not about not being able to pay, or about losing your job. And many people have days or whole lives that are so much worse, And yet… they are still horrible. Today will be better.
Thank you, Sin. i love that you “get it.”
aisha
Then I come along and instead of making some comforting caring remark about your day and sending hugs, make a juvenile remark about the irony, intended or otherwise, of a having a conversation about being “the rock”or “a rock” while worshiping his, dare I say it, presumably rock hard….
You know I love you right?
Laughing… i hoped you did, nice to hear it! Much love back to you…
aisha
Dear Monkey,
And you made me burst out laughing right there in my office yesterday, where anybody walking down the hall could have heard me and thought i’d completely lost my mind!
Thanks!
aisha
@ monkey. i really did enjoy that comment. i almost spit coffee out at the laptop.
My name is jade. i think i should be able to do it all, handle it all, at every moment, no matter what, too. Yep. Fun times. For bonus points, i will tell people that i’m “always fine” and *believe it* (mostly) because i have to be fine.
There maybe should be a self help group for Perfectionists but i’m pretty sure all we would do is be *perfect* 12 steppers, and add another 12 steps annually, for good measure.
Dear Jade,
Yep, i think we could be the best 12-steppers EVER! laughing…
After years of practice, i’ve learned to not always say i’m “fine.” You know what the 12-steppers say that stands for, right?
Fucked up
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional
The wonderful thing about AA cliches is once you know them, they stick forever. i can’t say i’m “fine” without hearing that in my head.
love,
aisha
Yes. Yes, i did know what they think “fine,” means which is part of why i find it so ammusing that i can deliver the line that “i’m always fine” with a straght face. Because….most women are atleast one of those things when reporting to be “fine”, no?
i would make a very poor AA candidate. Not knocking it. i mean…if it works, work it….and if it doesn’t…tell people you are fine while running out the door. 😛
love ya,
jade (tee hee…yes they *are* really going to let me shrink heads one day. Woot!)
Don’t we all suffer from wanna-do-it-all syndrome? We feel that weight just, well weighting us down…then in the next breath…we remember we’re not alone…
While they can’t carry the load always for us, they can help us a lot.
Your Sir is right and you seem very happy he is 🙂
Looking back, mouse has always described her Sir as the flashlight in the darkness. While he can’t light up the whole area, he can shed enough light so that she doesn’t fall flat on her ass. ~~laughs~~
But cock-worship? Well heck, everyone that reads mouse’s blog knows how she feels about that…
Hugs, love and hopes the stress diminishes quickly,
mouse
Thank you, dear Mouse,
Yeah, i think a lot of us are like that ~ but not all. i think there’s another group of submissives who aren’t internally driven to over-do. i think. Or maybe i’m just making that up. 🙂
Anyhow, yeah, they really help. Really really, those Sirs and Masters.
And {laughing} yep, i know how you feel about cock worship!!
hugs,
aisha
I think that “rock” thing is something most of us share. It does make that moment…when you can let go of all that and just be you…..that is what submission means, at least to me. And, yes..the cock worship thing helps too! LOL abby
Thanks, abby, it really is helpful to know that other people “get” this.
hugs,
aisha
Can I just say Ditto to everyone? LOL. It’s so nice to have a rock 🙂
Dear Faerie,
Thanks for chiming in! Always nice to hear from you!
hugs,
aisha