i’m in a panic that only a submissive could be in. Please, don’t laugh, it’s not funny.
Sir is talking about not using the belt on me anymore. Maybe not even spanking me. This feels like a disaster.
It’s all because – remember i told you about Him whacking me with the belt on my back and shoulders? Well, it left two lovely marks, one on each shoulder. You could really see the belt outline. It was just a welt, and I’m not even sure that’s the right word for it, ”welt” sounds too serious. It was more like a little indentation. But it was still there the next morning, and there was even a trace left when i got home from work.
Well, that freaked Him out. Ok, maybe not “freaked Him out.” It concerned Him. And i appreciate that – i truly do. i love that He doesn’t want to harm me.
But, when He started talking about maybe it would be better not to use the belt, or even His hand – well, that freaked me out. Or at least concerned me. i love when He spanks me. Love it. Love His hand. Love hand marks on my ass. Love the belt. Totally, totally don’t want Him to stop. Feel bereft when i think about it. In a panic.
But. Here’s the thing. I know – totally know – that it doesn’t make any difference how i feel about it; He’s going to do whatever He thinks is the right thing to do. O, He’ll listen to me, and He’ll take my feelings into consideration. But, particularly with this issue, i know He’ll do whatever He thinks is right.
And – here’s the best part – THAT turns me on more than just about anything. It makes me respect Him, and trust Him and feel safe with Him. Not because He might not spank me – no, it’s because He’ll do what He believes in.
You know it turns me on when He says, “But it’s not about what you want.” Well, this is just another example of the same principle, only instead of it being about more discomfort, it’s about less. (Does that make sense?) It still makes me wet.
It makes me want to serve Him more, please Him more, satisfy Him more… Sigh. So no matter how much i really, really, really, really want Him to continue spankings, i’ll accept whatever He decides.
Of course, i also have this little fantasy that maybe the discussion is partly about making me recognize how much i want what He does with His belt and His hands. i mean, i would beg. Even now, i’m trying to maintain some pride, but yea, i’d beg. For the belt. In a heartbeat. And begging for it would turn me on more!
So there’s no point in thinking about it; i’ll just have to wait and see. And isn’t that a form of submission too? Yes. And submitting makes me…? Mmmhmm. Hot. Wet. Turned on. It makes me want to kneel in front of Him and take His cock in my mouth and… but you know how that story goes.
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