i’ve been reading the book Sir gave me for Christmas ~ The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge by Carlos Castaneda. It was popular back in the day with hippies and people who liked alternate ways of seeing the world.
Well, and drugs. You know, peyote and mescaline, mushrooms. Um, that was back before we knew drugs were really bad.
Anyhow, i started the book back then, but didn’t finish.
Now, i’ m almost half-way through it, and the chapters i read tonight resonated with me in a new way.
Castaneda ~ or Don Juan ~ talks about the four enemies that a man has to overcome to be a man of knowledge. The four things are:
1. Fear
2. Clarity
3. Power
4. Old Age
I think this is what he was saying about them:
You have to overcome fear because you can’t pursue knowledge if you’re afraid. To learn, you have to change and grow, and that’s scary. I think lots of people let fear stop them from developing.
If you overcome fear, then you hit a point of clarity, a point at which it all seems clear, and you think you have the answers. i think this is a step on the path, but if you stop here, you end up ~ well, you know. Still ignorant, and sure that you have all the answers. Not a good place to be.
If you keep going, you gain power. Again, lots of people stop here and just revel in the power. To continue toward being a man of knowledge, you have to master the power. You have to recognize the need to keep it in check, to control it, not to indulge in using your power foolishly or cruelly.
This is not necessarily what i’m saying, although it makes sense to me ~ this is what i think Carlos Castaneda means in the book.
The final challenge, the last hurdle is old age. i think that’s like ~ who is it? Erickson? Yes, he has the stages of development and the last one is Integrity vs Despair. If you choose Integrity and reject Despair, the strength you gain is Wisdom.
Yes.
So i read that tonight, and thought that was some food for thought.
After i pondered that for a while, i went ahead and read the next chapter. Castaneda says:
“A path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you . Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself alone, one question . . . Does this path have a heart?
“All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. … Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t it is of no use Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn’t. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.” . ― Carlos Castaneda
i was deeply touched by these passages.
Sometimes, when i look back over my life, i think that i’ve been fickle. Haven’t stuck to my decisions enough. i know people who’ve been married forever. It may not be a great relationship, but they’ve stuck with it.
i only stuck with mine as long as it felt right, felt like it was where i needed to be. More than fifteen years. i gave it my best while i was in it. But when staying began to feel wrong ~ when it no longer felt like where i was supposed to be ~ then i went.
And the second marriage, i only lasted 3 years.
i’ve changed careers, left jobs, and even cut ties with my church.
But it struck me, when i was reading this tonight ~
i think i’ve been following the path that had heart.
i didn’t know it, it wasn’t a plan or anything. But i think that’s how it worked out.
i don’t think everyone finds the path with heart by leaving. Sometimes we find it by staying and bringing our heart to the situation.
i can’t imagine anyone being on the BDSM path unless it is the path with heart. We often have to overcome our own logical objections and misgivings to be here. Our blogs reflect our struggles, our efforts to understand ourselves and TTWD.
And our joys ~ our blogs reflect the joy and the strength we find too.